My boyfriend is a JW

by little_red_birdie 31 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  willy_think

  hi birdie,
  looks like some people don't think you are who you say you are. i must admit i thought the same thing, but decided to respond to you as you presented yourself. if you are a kid you need kindness if your not a kid you need kindness too. so what is the difference.
  a lot of girls and women think thay can "change" or "help" there boyfrends. well thay can't change them, at best some can help there boyfrends but at a price to them. i think the posters that ate advising you stay with your frend and "help him" are looking at the benefits to your frend ignoring what it could do to you. you are not his savior. you don't owe him. take care of your self. life is confusing enough as it is without taking on the job of junior exit counselor. trying to help someone else to find himself can get you lost if you are not well crounded and stable. being a frend is one thing, seting out to save a lost sole is somthing very different.
  pray for him, care for him, but don't get wrapped up in his problems.

  Billy

  willy think: thread killer
• 

  nelly136

  Hi Red,
  nice to see you posting, and it must be pretty frustrating
  for you to understand why his parents wont even give you a fair
  go, unfortunately for lots of us that grew up as jws mixing with
  worldly people with a view to dating was a big NO NO,and was
  greatly discouraged,
  I've met your mum in chat and its nice that you are both
  looking into this
  nelly
• 

  peaceloveharmony

  Hi Red,

  Ultimately it is your decision if you want to invest time in a relationship with this jw boy. I will tell you that when i was in junior highschool i cherished my friendships with my "worldly" classmates. my worldly friends taught me how to trust and how to be real friends. i could be myself with them. i think that your friendship with this boy will help him in that sense. now as far as the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, well, you are both young so i'm not sure how involved you could really be (even if he wasn't a jw) but the advice about not losing yourself in him is good advice. remember to keep your sense of self! and this advice is true for any relationship you get involved in ever

  good luck with everything.

  love
  harmony

  Most people think, Great God will come from the skies, Take away everything And make everybody feel high. But if you know what life is worth, You will look for yours on earth: And now you see the light, You stand up for your rights.~~Bob Marley
• 

  NameWithheld

  IF, and this is a big IF, as he get's older and can investigate the JW religion for himself, you may be able to open his eyes to the reality of what the JW religion is. Many young people raised in the JW religion have never seen the 'other side' so to speak. If he is already willing to involve himself with a 'wordly' (non-JW) girl, it shows that perhaps he already isn't TOO concerned with the JW rules. Although hormones in a teenager tend to over-ride anything else, and I hope that once the infatuation wears off he doesn't get a 'guilty' conscience and dump you. It's happened MANY times before. Trust me, he's getting or willget SERIOUS grief from his parents about you, and the elders in the JW church if/when they become aware of it.

  IF you can open his eyes to the religion, you MUST replace the brainwashing that he has been raised up in with something else. Otherwise he will continue to beleive the JW teachings even if he were to be kicked out (disfellowshiped). Many disfellowwhipped people will go years away from the JW religion, yet still be mired in those beliefs - if they don't learn the 'truth' about the 'truth'.

  Best of luck to you!
• 

  ashitaka

  Red, I read your mama's post. I really don't know what to say, but hang in there. Feel free to email with questions; my wife and I went through hell, and both of us were IN the JW's at the time.

  Just be prepared for friction, because it will come.

  Sorry I can't offer anything any more cheerful than that.

  ashi
• 

  Mulan

  To some of the posters on this thread:
  You guys are just too suspicious. Some teens are so grown up, and have good vocabularies, because their parents TALK to them, and they learn how to speak. I was like that when I was a teen. My parents were educated, and taught us good grammar and vocabulary.

  Don't look for things to criticize so often. That is a JW trait.

  By the way, when Princess was 14, people (especially guys) often mistook her for much older, because of the way she looked, for sure, but also her demeanor and her vocabulary. She wasn't full of 'you knows' and "valley girl" comments. Her father would not allow it, in our house. When she was in high school, many of the students thought she was a teacher!! I'm sure this is why she attracted a nine years older, educated man, like her husband.......she was 16 when he started coming around to "see her brothers".

  Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)
  
• 

  YoYoMama

  Don't look for things to criticize so often. That is a JW trait.

  Now this is a funny post. It is not a JW trait, but an apostate trait. People on this board criticize everything from JW to the Bible to Jehovah himself.
• 

  ashitaka

  YOYOMA-if you are blessed with a good congregation, good for you.

  All of the JW's I ever knew were like that.

  ashi
• 

  Billygoat

  Little Red Birdie,

  I think I've read your mom's post. Hang in there! Do lots of research and keep an open mind. Your boyfriend doesn't realize how harmful his religion can be. But you and your mom can help educate him. Just do it kindly and patiently and don't push him. It could just push him away further. Take care!

  Andi

  For all you others hmm-ing out there...

  You sound like all the paranoid JW's when someone new joins their JW boards. "Apostate!" they scream. "Aspostate!" Give this kid a chance! You can't always judge someone by their first post! She needs help...not criticism.
• 

  lydia

  Red,
  I met you mother in chat
  - she is a wonderful woman who is very interested in your life
  - you are very fortunate to have her.
  I bring this up because I know of some who have what I call " conditional Love " parents
  - most of these are JW parents...
  who will cut you off unless you do what they want you to do
  - like be a "GOOD JW" -
  Your byfriend will probably see this type of so called "Love" if and when he chooses to leave the BORG.
  You haven't mentioned if he hs been baptised... this might be an important for you to find out - it may tell you alot about the amount of influence that his parents andthe BOrg have on him..I hope you keep being his friend - he will need some after he makes his choice.
  Please keep posting..
  Lydia