I felt important before, now I feel just regular

by BonaFide 15 Replies latest jw friends

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  BonaFide

  When I first got assigned to the circuit work, the branch sent me far away to a rural circuit, they usually do that with the new C.O.'s. I had 17 congregations, some of them were only 12 publishers. No sound system, no stage, meetings in a persons home with no AC. Dirt floors in most of the houses.

  It didnt matter much to me, I felt so important. I had letters from Brooklyn, I had outlines, I had information, I had power, I had a title. I didnt think of it like that, I sort of acted humble, but now I dont think I was. Before I got a car, I rode the bus to each congregation, then back to the missionary home on Sunday night.

  When I would need some health care, I would tell the branch, they would call New York, and they would ask me if I could afford the ticket there. I would sometimes say yes, once I said no, and they paid. I would arrive in New York, a Bethel driver would pick me up, and I would get a great room. Once they gave me brother Sydlik's room in Patterson, it had a separate bedroom and a lot of food. I would go to morning worship and they would ask me about being a missionary C.O. I felt like a real valuable tool. I was always told that Jehovah is using me mightily.

  Then after a month of eye appointments, I would fly back to my assignment. Back to the C.O. work. Rehearsing circuit assemblies, talks, going to the branch to visit the Service Department (comprised of one brother) to discuss appointments and difficult cases.

  I missed my family, my friends, I didnt have a car for years, I had no cable TV for years, or computer. But I really did feel a sense of satisfaction. I would have my briefcase, my files. I felt important and in the know and on the cutting edge, and all those terms. I felt wise and mature and smart too, smarter than the doctors and lawyers and scientists of this world. I had an answer for everything.

  I wrote about this before sort of, it just hits me again sometimes.

  I feel now as I go through life that things make more sense, I dont have to twist things around to make sense of doctrines, I am not nervous around people who think differently than me.

  But it still is kind of weird.

  BF
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  Gopher

  things make more sense, I dont have to twist things around to make sense of doctrines, I am not nervous around people who think differently than me.

  Even though I was never an elder or travelling overseer, this quote above is something you and I definitely have in common. And living honestly and in harmony with 'what makes sense' is a much more sustainable life, and a better platform for the pursuit of happiness.

  Of course every change in life brings uncertainty and adjustments. But you've made a really good change, and based on my experience the weird feeling will wear off over time.

  I had lunch with an ex-JW here in the Twin Cities who has a zealous JW brother who is elder, exemplary family man, and pioneered for decades. He also ran a business that employed (from what I understand) dozens of JW's. No doubt he had a position of power and respect within the JW community. Just the mention of his name anywhere in Minnesota brings words of admiration from JW's.

  Yet he wasted so much of his time and talent teaching lies in a spiritual desert. He could have had a tremendously successful career instead of managing a company of janitors. His brother called him "king of the anthill".

  You are now freed from the confines of an anthill. It may feel a bit weird, because the anthill was so familiar. But there is so much more to life outside the anthill!
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  cognizant dissident

  Jehovah's Witnesses, (even the lowliest of publishers) are taught to feel special and important just by virtue of being part of Jehovah's organization. They belong to an exclusive club and they know "sacred secrets" that the other billions of people in this world do not know. For those in positions of power in the organization: elder's, CO's, DO's, and assorted bethelites, these feelings of specialness are magnified in direct proportion to the amount of power they possess.

  It is difficult to come to the realization they we are not special at all. We are just one of the billions of members of this human community. We all share the same feelings and we all are going to get old and die. No one is going to come and rescue us and make us or our futures "perfect". When we come to an awareness of this "truth" then we do suffer feelings of great loss and even anger.

  However, with this loss, comes the gain of something we never had before: a sense of our shared humanity with all human beings. No, we are not more important than anyone else. Neither are we less important. Nor can we be made to feel guilty and ashamed of our "imperfections". We recognize that they are also just manifestations of our human condition, that each of us share, and we can have greater compassion for ourselves and our fellow man.

  There's something very special and important about that.

  Cog
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  FlyingHighNow

  Being regular takes a lot of pressure from you. And hey, you can still be important. Volunteer. There are so many opportunities to be important to individuals and families. In our city, you can volunteer to teach people to read and tutor them in English. Imagine how important something as simple as this could be to a person or that person's entire family.
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  caliber

  cog,

  However, with this loss, comes the gain of something we never had before: a sense of ourshared humanity with all human beings. No, we are not more important than anyone else. Neither are we less important. Nor can we be made to feel guilty and ashamed of our "imperfections". We recognize that they are also just manifestations of our human condition, that each of us share, and we can have greater compassion for ourselves and our fellow man

  This quote from Cog I find to be a most beautiful and a very profound realization. Certainly it bears

  repeating many times over ! I shall not forget it ! Read it, think about my friends .

  Caliber
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  flipper

  BONAFIDE- Everybody is important in this life we live. Every regular human you meet is important and can hold their heads up high for what they stand for. You were in a mind control cult like me, and others on this board , and we were accustomed to being judged based on our position we had in the Jehovah's Witnesses organization. Whether we were an elder, ministerial servant, or pioneer , or just a regular publisher- many times we were appraised as being a good person , not based on what we did- but the position we held.

  Perhaps to fill the void of feeling " important " or like you matter - now you can help people be informed of how dangerous the Jehovah's Witness cult is and help those inside or others on the outside avoid getting involved in the first place with them and their beliefs. It will make you feel like you are doing something which really helps people- and will give you a REAL sense of satisfaction that you have helped people keep their freedom of thinking so they won't get trapped inside the witnesses. I've been trying to do this in the 5 years I've been out - and I get much happiness and satisfaction keeping people from joining a mind control cult. So, it's something to consider
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  reneeisorym

  I wasn't even a CO .. just a publisher and occasional auxillary pioneer. But I felt special because I had "the truth". I agree with you. Now I just feel normal. I still feel like I'm one of God's children. Now instead of feeling like I did something, I feel like God did it for me. I don't deserve any credit. That's the difference.
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  penny2

  If you think about being important, who were you important to? A very insignificant, small group of people who also all think they are important. Then the bubble bursts.

  Being regular - it should be a huge weight off your shoulders.
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  moomanchu

  I totally agree with you.

  Thats why JW's have this cavalier in your face, I'm better than you attitude.

  If you tell them about it they vehemently deny it.

  My wife and I both work with dubs and now being on the other side we laugh

  because we now hear all the talk about them. No one and I mean no one can stand these two people.

  Dubs are made to feel important right down to their attire......business suits, briefcases they're friggin executives.
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  JimmyPage

  Flipper that's one thing I appreciate about you. Most people on here post but you take it a step further and make yourself available to help in real life. A lot of people who come to this board and learn the truth about "the truth" need the comfort of a support system.