Can you think in essential terms? Give it a try, give vent to your essentialist musings.
Here's a few Religiously formulated Essentialisms to get started:
--The WT Society is essentially a re-working of the Catholic church as filtered through the adventist hopes of a pyramidology lover.
--The Episcopal Church in New Hampshire is essentially a Roman Catholic diocese with protestant trappings out of the closet.
--The Mormon Gospel is essentially an off-shoot of 18th century tall tales read aloud with a King James accent.
--The private rooms at Bethel are essentially the only remaining places on Earth where good angels fear to tread.
--The Amish are essentially Christian baptized Chasidic Jews who prefer the smell a horse's back end to city diesel fumes.
--Evangelicals are essentially those having eyes but blind and having ears but are deaf to the fire and brimstone of the WT Armageddon
(since having their own end times to preach about are just as content with the damnation of the whole world).
--The Greek Orthodox church is essentially the same as the Catholic Church without all the Roman ass-kissing.
--The Roman Catholic Church is essentially the same as the Orthodox but with less autocephalous ethnocentricity and more patriarchal ass-kissing.
--The Watch Tower Society's religious views are essentially the same as those of the Bible Students as filtered through the drunken babblings of Rutherford.
--The Russellite Bible Students of today are essentially the same as the Watch Tower of yesteryear but more hip, and internet connected.
--The Branch Davidians are essentially Seventh Day Adventists who were willing to die for a cultish idol.
--The Chuch of God Armstrong essentially strong armed Christians with second hand Watch Tower teachings and a sprinkling of Anglican superstitions.
--Watch Tower Bethel is essentially a cloister of modern day medieval monks with the mentality to match.
--Watch Tower lawyers are essentially nephilim, except shorter and without the angelic pedigree.
--Watch Tower appointed elders are essentially the Theo-Nazi thought-police of JWhood-dom
--Watch Tower Circuit Overseers are essentially Theo-Nazi Gestapo officers with strict orders to follow.
--Watch Tower District Overseers are essentially Theo-Nazi Gestapo officers with an ax to grind and special recognition hack away.
--Watch Tower Governing Body members are essentially Theo-Nazi oligarchs who caroused themselves to the top over other Theo-Nazi Gestapo riff-raff.
--Judge Rutherford was essentially a Catholic Cardinal but without the Roman tradition and too sauced into hubris to put himself below the Pope.
--Pastor Russell was essentially a businessman gone awfully wrong into religion while selling ideas without insurance.
--Joseph Smith was essentially abducted by aliens outside their time continuum for taboo experimentations but returned as defective goods.
--Calvin was essentially a Roman Catholic who wished he could be an angel and a demon he became.
--Joe Tkach Senior was essentially an evangelical in Armstrong's clothing, including his underpants and socks which he tried to air out.
--Joe Tkach Junior was essentially a clone of his father except not as pious and with a sad cognitive deficiency.
--The medical staff at Watch Tower Bethel are essentially blood-less suckers.
Can you think of some others??? G'ahead, give it a shot!