airline grease monkeys

by John Doe 3 Replies latest social humour

  • John Doe
    John Doe

    In case you need a laugh: Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a
    > plane but only a high school diploma to fix one, but never let it be said
    > that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
    > After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet'
    > which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
    > The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form,
    > and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.
    > Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
    > (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
    > maintenance engineers.
    > By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
    > accident.
    > P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    > S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
    > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    > S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
    > P: Something loose in cockpit.
    > S: Something tightened in cockpit.
    > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    > S: Live bugs on back-order.
    > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.
    > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
    > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    > S: Evidence removed.
    > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    > S: DME volume set to more believable level.
    > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick..
    > S: That's what friction locks are for.
    > P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
    > P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    > S: Suspect you're right.
    > P: Number 3 engine missing.
    > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
    > P: Aircraft handles funny........... (I love this one!)
    > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious..
    > P: Target radar hums.
    > S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
    > P: Mouse in cockpit.
    > S: Cat installed.
    > And the best one for last..................
    > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
    > on something with a hammer.
    > S: Took hammer away from midget

  • BurnTheShips
    In case you need a laugh: Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one

    Well, not true. I am an FAA licensed Airframe Mechanic. You do not just get a license: you have to go to school, complete hourly requirements and pass a rigorous test.

    OK, but the rest of it is funny.


  • John Doe
    John Doe

    burns, I didn't write it, but it makes for a good story.

  • free2think

    LOL thanks JD.

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