Where can I get some? I'd like to brew some "miracle beer" with it.
I see your future brewery a great success!..... but don't limit yourself there.... consider distilling the hard stuff & and fruity coolers!
Some of your brew choices:
New System Nectar Wine Coolers
Living Waters Whiskey
Kings and Priest Amber Brew
How about some "undemonized tequila"??
Gilead Guzzler Kegs
Special Pioneer's Aged Scotch
Russell's What Ale's Ya
Aux Pioneer Amber Ale
I'm envisioning a whole new organizational structure, based on "spirit-filled liquid" instead of "spiritual food".
Door to door canvassers could offer householders a Brooklyn Brew Lite, at a small fee (to cover the cost of printing... the label.) Nothing too heavy or deep you know, just something to get them interested.
On a return visit, a "free home Brew Tasting" course could be offered. The canvasser would supply the householder with a bottle of some type of flavoured liquer (New System Nectar?) and arrange to stop by once a week to help the householder drink it.
If the householder progresses well "in the Brewth", he can answer a sequence of 175 questions in order to become elegible for baptism. Baptism will occur in an inflatable pool full of Living Waters Whiskey. After all candidates have been baptized, the convention speakers will proceed to drain the pool. With their mouths.
Meetings will revolve around discussing the merits of the various concoctions that the Gibbering Buddy produces from Miracle Wheat. If you think that would get boring after a few months, just think of how many years the current borg has been polishing up the same 3 or 4 dog turds and wheeling them out every year at the district convention. Also, the monotony would occasionally be relieved by a talk about the wonders of Paradise, where spiced rum will bubble up out of cracks in the ground.
Over time, the society would decide that their formulas needed adjustment. This "Brew Lite" would be a mandatory replacement of "Old Lite". And of course, some would become disillusioned by the new brew, and would become APOSTATES and begin to distill their own Miracle Spirits. The society would rapidly deal with them by the simple expedient of poisoning the water supply leading to their still. =)
Of course, in such a system, the heaviest drinkers would rapidly rise to the top of the ranks and would be promoted to POs, COs, DOs, etc. ...well, maybe it isn't so different from the current system after all.
So anyone else got some good names for this venture's products?
ARMAGEDON ALE AND BRALLE
Dark Demon Rum
To Hell with Independent Thinking Screwdrivers
New Light Hard Lemonade