Evolutionists Flock To Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain

by BurnTheShips 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • BurnTheShips

    It's a miracle!

    Evolutionists Flock To Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain

    September 5, 2008 | Issue 44•36

    Darwinic pilgrims claim the image fills them with an overwhelming feeling of logic.

    DAYTON, TN—A steady stream of devoted evolutionists continued to gather in this small Tennessee town today to witness what many believe is an image of Charles Darwin—author of The Origin Of Species and founder of the modern evolutionary movement—made manifest on a concrete wall in downtown Dayton.

    "I brought my baby to touch the wall, so that the power of Darwin can purify her genetic makeup of undesirable inherited traits," said Darlene Freiberg, one among a growing crowd assembled here to see the mysterious stain, which appeared last Monday on one side of the Rhea County Courthouse. The building was also the location of the famed "Scopes Monkey Trial" and is widely considered one of Darwinism's holiest sites. "Forgive me, O Charles, for ever doubting your Divine Evolution. After seeing this miracle of limestone pigmentation with my own eyes, my faith in empirical reasoning will never again be tested."

    Added Freiberg, "Behold the power and glory of the scientific method!"

    Since witnesses first reported the unexplained marking—which appears to resemble a 19th-century male figure with a high forehead and large beard—this normally quiet town has become a hotbed of biological zealotry. Thousands of pilgrims from as far away as Berkeley's paleoanthropology department have flocked to the site to lay wreaths of flowers, light devotional candles, read aloud from Darwin's works, and otherwise pay homage to the mysterious blue-green stain.

    Capitalizing on the influx of empirical believers, street vendors have sprung up across Dayton, selling evolutionary relics and artwork to the thousands of pilgrims waiting to catch a glimpse of the image. Available for sale are everything from small wooden shards alleged to be fragments of the "One True Beagle"—the research vessel on which Darwin made his legendary voyage to the Galapagos Islands—to lecture notes purportedly touched by English evolutionist Alfred Russel Wallace.

    "I have never felt closer to Darwin's ideas," said zoologist Fred Granger, who waited in line for 16 hours to view the stain. "May his name be praised and his theories on natural selection echo in all the halls of naturalistic observation forever."

    Despite the enthusiasm the so-called "Darwin Smudge" has generated among the evolutionary faithful, disagreement remains as to its origin. Some believe the image is actually closer to the visage of Stephen Jay Gould, longtime columnist for Natural History magazine and originator of the theory of punctuated equilibrium, and is therefore proof of rapid cladogenesis. A smaller minority contend it is the face of Carl Sagan, and should be viewed as a warning to those nonbelievers who have not yet seen his hit PBS series Cosmos: A Personal Voyage.

    Still others have attempted to discredit the miracle entirely, claiming that there are several alternate explanations for the appearance of the unexplained discoloration.

    "It's a stain on a wall, and nothing more," said the Rev. Clement McCoy, a professor at Oral Roberts University and prominent opponent of evolutionary theory. "Anything else is the delusional fantasy of a fanatical evolutionist mindset that sees only what it wishes to see in the hopes of validating a baseless, illogical belief system. I only hope these heretics see the error of their ways before our Most Powerful God smites them all in His vengeance."

    But those who have made the long journey to Dayton remain steadfast in their belief that natural selection—a process by which certain genes are favored over others less conducive to survival—is the one and only creator of life as we know it. This stain, they claim, is the proof they have been waiting for.

    "To those who would deny that genetic drift is responsible for a branching evolutionary tree of increasing biodiversity amid changing ecosystems, we say, 'Look upon the face of Darwin!'" said Jeanette Cosgrove, who, along with members of her microbiology class, has maintained a candlelight vigil at the site for the past 72 hours.

    "Over millions of successive generations, a specific subvariant of one species of slime mold adapted to this particular concrete wall, in order to one day form this stain, and thus make manifest this vision of Darwin's glorious countenance," Cosgrove said, overcome with emotion.

    "It's a miracle," she added. alt



  • mavie

    Tennessee, huh?

  • beksbks
  • Satanus

    Were there any healings? Is darwin going to come again, and when, exactly?


  • BurnTheShips

    And here I clicked on it thinking it was another chocolate sculpted Obama.

  • BurnTheShips
    Is darwin going to come again, and when, exactly?

    The Darwin lives on in the genes of his sacred descendants, as these genes introgress into the rest of the human population through intermarriage, all the peoples of the world will bless themselves by his seed.

  • beksbks

    Oh Burn! You little monkey!

  • MissingLink

    Nice one. Gotta love the Onion.

  • hooberus
  • hooberus

    From the previous link (from a JWD evolutionary dogmatist).

    So design is not an acceptable alternative to chance in this case, as it just regresses to it. Is there an alternative explanation that might do? Yes there is. Darwin and Wallace's theory of natural selection - the nonrandom survival of random variations - provides a ladder that can explain all the complexity and apparent design we see in the natural world. It is such a beautiful and powerful theory that it inspires an almost religious awe in those who appreciate its strength. And it is, of course, supported by a huge amount of evidence from various fields. It can be used to make accurate testable predictions about the world. Without it, biology would be nothing but lists of facts, rather than the captivating subject it is.

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