My wife wants the stepson to 'study'....any ideas??

by insearchoftruth 21 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • insearchoftruth

    As if I did not have enough stress in my life right now.....we have a son who has finally come clean on some of the things he has done in the past, and these things were pretty bad. My wife (who many of you probably feel you know from earlier posts) has been acting very interested in the JWs and now with the son's admittance of his transgressions, she has decided that it is time for him to 'meet his maker', so she has told him that the two of them will be studying the 'bible' together. She has talked to the sister she has studied with about this and she is more than willing to help by providing literature to guide the studies, I am guessing the 'young people ask' books.

    In the meanwhile, I have contacted a local church (not the one I have attended in the past) and asked them about their youth ministry program, and it sounds like a pretty great program, with lots of fun activity, service activities as well as some Bible study (yes they actually use the Bible). I had mentioned in passing to my wife I was going to bring him to this program not tomorrow, but next week because I feel it will benefit him to be around some good kids.

    I know that the following provides me the right under headship to take him to what I desire, but since he is her son from her first marriage, will that make a difference in the interpretation?

    I really want what is best not only for myself, but also for my family and I am very concerned that he will openly rebel against her wanting to study with him.

    Any advice on what I should do here is very appreciated.



    *** w02 8/15 pp. 30-31 Questions From Readers ***
    Questions From Readers
    What guidance do the Scriptures provide about child training when one parent is one of Jehovah?s Witnesses and the other is not?
    Two key Scriptural principles provide guidance about child training for a Witness parent who has a non-Witness mate. One is: "We must obey God as ruler rather than men." (Acts 5:29) The other is: "A husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation." (Ephesians 5:23) The latter applies not only to wives with Witness husbands but also to those with non-Witness mates. (1 Peter 3:1) How can a Witness parent balance these principles when teaching his or her children?
    If the husband is one of Jehovah?s Witnesses, he is responsible for making both spiritual and physical provisions for his family. (1 Timothy 5:
    What if his unbelieving wife insists on taking their children to her place of worship or teaching them her beliefs? The law of the land may give her the right to do so. Whether the children are enticed into acts of worship at such places may depend much on the quality of the father?s spiritual teaching. As the children grow older, the Scriptural education by their father should help them to follow the truth of God?s Word. How happy the believing husband would be if his children were to take their stand for the truth!
    If the mother is one of Jehovah?s Witnesses, she has to respect the headship principle while being concerned about her children?s eternal welfare. (1 Corinthians 11:3) In many cases, her unbelieving mate will not mind if his Witness wife gives moral and spiritual education to their children, and help toward that end is available at meetings of Jehovah?s people. The mother can help her unbelieving husband to see the benefits of the upbuilding education that their children receive through Jehovah?s organization. She can tactfully emphasize the merit of inculcating the Bible?s moral principles in their children, faced as they are with living in a morally deteriorating world.
    However, the unbelieving husband might insist that his children practice his religion, taking them to his place of worship and giving them religious education according to his faith. Or a husband may be opposed to all religion and insist that his children receive no religious education. As the head of the family, he is the one primarily responsible for making the decision.
    While respecting her husband?s headship, as a dedicated Christian, the believing wife would bear in mind the attitude of the apostles Peter and John, who said: "As for us, we cannot stop speaking about the things we have seen and heard." (Acts 4:19, 20) Out of concern for the spiritual welfare of the children, a Witness mother will find opportunities to provide moral direction for them. She has a responsibility before Jehovah to teach others about what she knows to be true, and her children should be no exception. (Proverbs 1:8; Matthew 28:19, 20) How can the Witness mother deal with the dilemma?
    Take for example the matter of belief in God. The Witness wife may not be able to have a formal Bible study with her children because of her husband?s restrictions . Should she for this reason shy away from telling her children anything about Jehovah? No. Her words and deeds would naturally reflect her belief in the Creator. Her children would no doubt have questions on the subject. She should feel free to exercise her freedom of religion by expressing her belief in the Creator, including to her children. Even if she may not be able to conduct a Bible study with the children or take them to meetings regularly, she can impart to them knowledge about Jehovah God.?Deuteronomy 6:7.
    Concerning the relationship between a Witness and his or her unbelieving mate, the apostle Paul wrote: "The unbelieving husband is sanctified in relation to his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in relation to the brother; otherwise, your children would really be unclean, but now they are holy." (1 Corinthians 7:14) Jehovah views the marital relationship as holy because of the believing mate, and the children are considered holy in Jehovah?s eyes. The Witness wife should do her best to help her children to understand the truth, leaving the final outcome in Jehovah?s hands.
    As the children grow older, they have to decide what stand they will take based on the information they have received from their parents. They may decide to act in accord with Jesus? words: "He that has greater affection for father or mother than for me is not worthy of me." (Matthew 10:37) They are also commanded: "Children, be obedient to your parents in union with the Lord." (Ephesians 6:1) Many youths have decided to ?obey God as ruler? rather than a non-Witness parent, despite suffering hardship from that parent. How rewarding it would be to the Witness parent to see the children decide to serve Jehovah in spite of opposition!
    The wife?s legal right to free practice of religion includes her right to attend Christian meetings. In some cases, a husband has been unwilling to care for minor children at those times, so the loving mother was obliged to take them with her to the meetings.

  • possible-san

    Hi! insearchoftruth,

    I state my views a little.

    You are your wife's "husband" and are her son's present "father."
    You are THE father of your stepson's.

    Therefore, I think that you should take the "leadership." (Not "your wife takes")
    Your stepson's future is influenced by your present action.

    You should develop your stepson's possibility.

    The education of Jehovah's Witnesses will crush your stepson's possibility (potential ability).
    Do you permit such a thing?

    Do you love your wife's son?

    I think that you yourself should protect him from "slavery."
    Probably, you are the only person who can do it.

    Please protect him.
    His daddy, Mr. insearchoftruth.

    From Japan.


  • insearchoftruth

    Well maybe a few things on the positive side here, she did have him do some reading from the 'Young People Ask', the first one and then she went off to the book study, which was actually a CO visit...

    After she left he and I had a pretty long talk, actually quite productive, where he told me about how he at the present does not believe there is a God and after he has seen how his uncle has been allowed to do almost nothing due to the JWs, but he does behind his parents back, there is no way he would consider becoming a JW and he sure hopes his mom never becomes one because of how 'wierd' they are (and he only knows a little bit of it).

    She wants to read a chapter of this book with him each Monday evening, but I am also going to take him to a local Baptist church on Wednesday evenings where they have a really good youth program and expose him to a group of good kids (well at least I hope they are good kids), I am going to stop by the church some day in the next week and talk to the youth director who is also a pastor and let him know about the complete situation. I am hoping that he enjoys the fellowship of these kids and my wife gets to see what true love and care can do for someone.

    Another interesting concession is one of the things he had done is steal from a neighbor who is pretty active in her own church. I floated the idea of seeing if my neighbors church has any social ministry programs that we could get our son involved in, and I was amazed....she liked the idea.

    I know that once she talks to the sister, there will be roadblocks set up to these ideas, but I have already got him to say he will give the Wednesday night thing a try, and I am going to talk with the neighbor this evening, then if she changes her mind on it, she can tell the neighbor why.

  • insearchoftruth


  • insearchoftruth

    Not quite so simple, when mom gets irritated or on the JW bandwagon, she acts quite irrational.....I told him last night to play the game for a while and he and I will work on things.....I really hope not to get any pushback from her on the youth activity at the local church, but am pretty sure it will come........

    I am not at all pleased or comfortable with what is going on, but if she forces him on anything now, he will either rebel and be a real pain in the ....or never ever want to explore religion or faith again.

  • possible-san

    Hi! insearchoftruth,

    I think that you are his wonderful daddy.

    Probably, you always have to protect him until he grows up.
    When he grows up, he chooses his faith by himself.

    I respect you.


  • blondie

    jws would consider your 15-year-old stepson old enough to disobey his non-jw father and get baptized......................on the flipflop then he should be able to refuse baptism at 15 despite even his baptized mother's wishes. jws tend to use emotional blackmail and make it seem it is the child's personal decision.

  • insearchoftruth

    Mom is just a study right now, she has been associated with the JWs for most of her life through her parents, but has never been fully brought in, this is the third flirtation she has had with them since we have been is tearing me up!

  • Eyes Open
    Eyes Open

    Well at 15, hopefully as long as you share some of the fallacies with him, even if it's not with his mother's knowledge, I would have thought he would handle the rest for himself. But you said he already thinks the Witnesses are weird - maybe you've nothing to worry about as far as he's concerned?

  • insearchoftruth

    I don't think he will go along, at all, but I do not agree with her trying to drive anything down his throat.....we are given free will as a gift, and we must be allowed to use our free will. Even in the JW literature they talk about people going astray....

    My wife was forced to go to meetings, read the stuff, study etc....she overtly rejected it for quite some time....I think the appeals of a biological sister, the fear of being lonely and the timing of the people coming around the neighborhood all added up to this recent surge in interest for her....and now with the son doing some pretty bad things, she is thinking that the only way he can be set straight is to 'follow Jehovah'.....gets me ill.

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