Aaaah, Sweet Gossip

mindfield

Gossip is nothing new... we hear it everywhere, at work, with friends, even on this message board. It's nothing special, and it will stay with humanity for a long, long time, if not forever.

However, if one claims to be in God's ONLY organization on Earth, part of God's plan for a *paradise earth*, then one must therefore be free of such *petty* things as gossip. At least that's what the GB says, right?

Nevertheless, the same gossip is a major part in our cong. here in Canada... I've got a few examples in mind... how about a discussion that I overheard with my sister and dad, talking about an excommunicated guy? I think the grounds was something to do with sex. What does it matter anyway, right? So here they were, chatting away about that guy, when a few phrases like "He's really immature" and "I hope he learns his lesson" were heard. Really upbuilding christian talk. So, not wanting to be left out, I slipped "Now that's Christian love." To which my sis. spat back "It's none of your business." Ah yes, sweet christian love. Makes me want to jump back in the fold.

Here's another example... our family was invited to another "brother's" home for supper. Now all of us has so, so many times heard the repetitive talk about the importance of hospitality and how to make it as upbuilding as possible. At least I have... so what was the main discussion topic? You guess. It was talking about another brother's psychological problems. Oh yeah, real upbuilding. Mostly it was about his problems taking properly care of himself, etc. etc. etc. Anyways, that was the topic. Did any of them ever talk about HOW they could HELP? No. Forget the few positive points they mentioned about the elder brother. I'm not saying they were wrong. But was that really the place? The time? Or even, was the topic totally wrongful? We all left the brother's home with a kind of superiority... we all do after dissing someone for half an hour or more, don't we?

So what is my family doing to encourage me to get back to the hall? Back into the preaching work? NOTHING. nada, zero, zip. In fact, they're further convincing me that JW's have nothing to do with the kind of love Jesus encouraged. I don't hate my parents, far from it. I just don't think they live up to the high standards they promote.

*thanx for listening!*

Fredhall

Mindfield,

Maybe your parents care about you.

momoftwo

Some things never change.

mom

mindfield

Uh, fred, i know they love me... and it's reciprocal. That's obvious, ain't it? That's not the point. They're out preaching standards like true christian love, but they're talking in other people's backs. Like all of us do.

anglise

Good points Mindfield.

One of the reasons we were dissallusioned with the church we were in 18 years ago was the petty back biting and gossip. You know the sort about the Womans Group taking up space on the shelves belonging to the sunday school and the back stabbing that such heinous crimes called for!!
Anyway when I mentioned such things to the sister that was studying with me she told me how differant those in Jehovahs organization were etc etc, in fact in was a defining mark of it being Jahs true people.

So along with many other things I swallowed it.

A few months after being baptized I remember going back to a sisters house with the rest of the group after FS for the ususal cup of tea and guess what?? GOSSIP!!.

I sat there quietly listening as I didnt really know who they were talking about anyway, but after thay had verbally decimated this sister the elder who was present and who had been quite vocal then realised I was there and made a comment to the effect that maybe they shoudnt be speaking that way as they had a new sister with them and I might get the wrong idea!!!
The shame of it was that it took me another 17 years to gain a full appreciation of what the TRUTH was really about and leave.

They are worse then the churches in many ways, but mainly because they claim to be better.

Marilyn

mindfield, I totally know where you are coming from. I'm sure I'd still be "in" (been out 20 yrs) if it weren't for my inability to line up witness behavior with what they preach. We got "in" when we were young adults - prior to that we'd gotten along just fine. After two or three years "in the truth", we were tearing at each others throats. One of my brothers put a suit on one SAturday afternoon, so he could make an official APPROACH to my other brother about some silly little incident, that normal families deal with over a beer!

The derogertory (sp?) comments my brother's new wife made about others used to shock me - coz she was from one of the most favoured spiritual families in our city. I used to sit there doing mental gymnastics trying to work out what was happening.

I suppose the likes of you and I idealise a religion like the JWs. We just expect them to practise what they preach. The bottom line is that they are no better than any other small group, religious or otherwise.

best wishes
Marilyn

ISP

Yup Gossip is a big thing. I guess all us 'ex's' get gossipped about in some shape or form. Gossip is used by elders etc. Its OK if they do it. If you do it you are likely to get cautioned for it. Thats life in WT world.

ISP

Billygoat

You're going to get gossip no matter what religion, job, or family you have. Some are worse about it than others, but mainly it is a human trait to want to talk about other people.

I attend a pretty fundmental church and this is what I see. People here gossip. Sometimes the gossip is trivial and doesn't hurt anyone. Sometimes it is encouraging information about someone. Sometimes it is downright nasty. But what makes a difference to me is that (in general) my church does not claim to be the mouthpiece of God and doesn't believe that they are better than other people. In fact, sometimes they are downright humble. Example:

At one dinner, the gossip was pretty bad about a particular person that wasn't really making good choices about his life. The discussion which started out as a sharing of facts turned into one of cattiness. I sat there for a few minutes and then made a comment. I said it quietly, diplomatically, and kindly. I wasn't rude and I didn't storm out afterwards like I wanted to.

"I cannot imagine Jesus sitting here sharing the morbid details of this person's life and then condemning him for it. He would be the one breaking bread and encouraging that person. Making him feel better - promising him a time where sins are forgotten. I know I've made some pretty crappy decisions before. I sure hope you don't talk about me like this when I'm not around."

Nobody said a word. I was scared to death saying it, but I had had my limit of the badmouthing. Somebody abruptly changed the course of the conversation to something more upbuilding, but I figured out that night who some of my true friends were. Several men and one of the ladies thanked me later. But some of the people I thought were my friends, were offended and angered by my comment and haven't said much to me since then. They way I look at it? I spoke the truth. If it hurt their feelers, then I'm truly sorry. It was not my intent. But I don't think I was out of line or arrogant by my words.

Andi

its_my_life2001ca

You did the right thing Billygoat.It can makes us unpopular, but at the same time it earns the respect of the kind of persons we would want for friends. 99% of the time, these gossips would shred your reputation when not in the room, but others appreciate that you would not do it to them. Gossip is a trap we all fall into from time to time . For many, their own self esteem comes from belittling others because they themselves feel inferior. If we remind people often enough about our stand, in time they will avoid doing it around us. We all at times like a juicy tidbit, but afterwards, I feel bad because it was at someone's expense and not all gossip is true.My reputation was smeared in one congregation, totally based on lies, but because I was the new person, my word didn't count. I never felt comfortable in that hall again especially when I found out later that many had marked me. This was so hurtful coming from my "brothers and sisters".

Andee

Andi!

Good for you! You have my respect!

Andee

Aaaah, Sweet Gossip

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