NEED ADVICE opinions wanted. (page 2)

yknot

Finish the divorce since you EX could make it an issue.

During this time however why don't you get started on pre-natal vitamins, drink lots of water, and make sure you are in good physical health in the exercise department. You can learn you body's natural patterns of fertility while you are waiting for the judge to sign off and pick which month you want your next bundle of joy to be born. You can start preparing your child for the re-marriage too, start daydreaming of color schemes and baby names, start stocking away diapers and onsies, maybe take you daughter to a dress shop and try on wedding and flower girl dresses together, ....buy a nice hope chest and keep it at the foot of your bed with all your collected items..... later once the Judge makes it official then you can be one of those brides who gets pregnant on her honeymoon.....

BTW I understand fully...... my internal baby desires are starting back up too.....but I won't be finished with school until next year...so I am doing similar things as I have suggested to you above to help steady the desire to be pregnant again.... so far it is working some.

burningbridges

thank you for your commment yet i'm confused because i make no confusion about saying i wont even let him around her becasue I feel right now its best for HER and i took a parenting class to improve for HER on my own initaitive.. i may not have worded my sentences right but the intention is there..... but thank you for making me realize how i was appearing. Maybe i am selfish. sure didnt think so

yknot

You're not selfish.... when most children get to be between 2-4 it is natural to want another...... it is the cycle of procreation.

And you're in love......

slmdf

awww, hun. I didn't intend to make you appear selfish. I am sure you love your daughter and you want what's best for her - that's why you don't let him around her, and you went to classes. That is very true. I am not here to judge you in any way. What you decide is totally up to you.

However, if you were to finish this sentence - how would you do it.

"What is best for my daughter in this situation is..." The way you finish that sentence is your answer. If needed, you can also finish this sentence, "And, I say that because...".

So, if you finish the first sentence with, "for me to have another baby now." Then you can add, "And, I say that because whether I get custody of her or not, she will have another sibling she will always be able to develop a relationship with and I want to provide her that special gift."

Or, you may answer with, "for me to not have a baby until the divorce is done." Then you can add, "And I say that because I know it's in her best interests to be with me, and if I have another child, it could per her best interests at risk."

Totally up to you, but how you finish those two sentences is your answer. You can do it. I know you can. I have faith in you. Your choice will be the correct one.

Much Love.

burningbridges

i see what your saying now, thank you. I feel it would be best for my daughter to have a two parent family where neither one was a witness because that that is the most loving and stable arrangement and I can't imagine her not growing up without siblings because mine were all only a year apart from each other and it made us best friends, I had always wanted that for my kids.... But things change....

slmdf

:) Ok! I hope you don't mind me getting 'psychological' on you. But I want to comment on a couple things you said. I am picking here, but I find that often, there is truth to be found in the words used - because they are heart-sprung.

You said:

I feel it would be best for my daughter to have a two parent family where neither one was a witness because that that is the most loving and stable arrangement and I can't imagine her not growing up without siblings because mine were all only a year apart from each other and it made us best friends, I had always wanted that for my kids.... But things change....

You started off saying "it would be best for my daughter to have a two parent family where neither one was a witness". What this tells me (3rd party view) that what you know to be true is that you must first and foremost fight to ensure that you get your daughter. If having another child with a different man outside of wedlock will be used against you, I suppose you would have to ask yourself, "am I living in alignment with my intention of making sure my daughter is with a two-parent family who are not witnesses?"

You then talked about how YOU can't imagine her growing up without siblings because YOURS were all a year apart and YOU wanted it for your kids. Again, I am really picking on words here (I understand that and am only trying to help you think this through so you get the answer that is most helpful to you). Your daughter doesn't know what it's like to have siblings all 1 year apart. She will not miss it. You do. However, I can read into your statement that because you found it so important (being best friends with your siblings) you want her to have the same positive experience. Understand - she will not be 1 yr apart from her next sibling, but they can still be best friends. Sometimes age distance can make siblings better friends! But, her experience can not and will not mirror yours. Even if they were one year apart - there is a likely chance that they would not be best friends.

So... is this helpful at all? I certainly don't want to muddy the waters. I just like to get people thinking. If this isn't helpful, I will be quiet. (I need to get to bed anyway.) however, if it is helpful, I'm happy to continue the dialogue. IF you want to take this PM, that's fine too.

Much love till tomorrow.

:)

burningbridges

becasue I wanted it for my KIDS.... becasue i knew the bond it created... my siblings are my best friends, i know that wouldnt have happened if we were five years apart, it was because we had similiar interests, could play together, talk together, had the same friends, same classes, wore the same clothes, ext.... I see what your saying... I just dont think you knwo what I'm feeling. I know you have good intentions though.

CPJ

I say go for it... I can honestly say that there is a girl I have felt the same way about since I was 10yrs old. If I could marry her I would do it tomorrow and thats after not seeing her for 10 yrs.

I would take the chance because as you are aware life is short and happiness is far a few between. If you love him and there is no doubt he loves you. DO IT.

Live with passion and love like you've never been hurt. Good Luck to you both.

XJWNB

I agree with Yknot and dk.

Finish this chapter of the book before moving onto the next.

NEED ADVICE opinions wanted.

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