Jw are moving from Door to Door realizing it is ineffective

by thedepressedsoul 16 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • thedepressedsoul

    Jw have announced that they will no longer be doing door to door as they have realized that the door to door salesman is on a decline.

    Now they will be putting all of their effort into cold calling via a telephone as they feel this will be more effective means to reach people. JW call centers will be set up at local Kingdom Halls so that all JW will now reach out to people via a hard copy of the Yellow Pages and White Pages. They have seen the success of telemarketers and can't wait to try out this new and revolutionary way to reach people via a telephone.

    They have also planned to eventually shift to mailers via the Post Office by year 2020. They feel these mass mailers will reach all faster then by door to door and phone calls. All active JW will be required to stuff envelopes and lick stamps. The Chariot is full speed ahead!

    Their plan extends even further and they hope by year 2030 they will be sending only emails and think they have a new and improved method so that they won't be put into the spam folder. Yes, how quickly they will be able to reach people by sending out mass emails by the millions.

    If all else fails by year 2060 they have a new a revolutionary plan to join social media! Yes the chariot is really speeding things up in these last days! Only god's people clearly see how effective this means will be.

    By year 2100, this system permitting, they want to do charities. Help the old, give food to the homeless and assist the poor. This is still in talks though as they feel this may be an ineffective way to reach people and grow their members. They feel they would be the only ones doing this wonderful work. Further investigation is needed though as they don't want to do anything that may bring reproach upon their name.

  • freemindfade


    can you imagine

  • Finkelstein

    Hypothetically not going to happen .

  • Jay Elle
    Jay Elle

    I was thinking. ...wow! Really? Then i read on and realized this is satire...

    Maybe i would go back if service was just text messaging. Ha. Nah

  • DesirousOfChange

    Good idea.

    Then pioneers could start their time in their underwear sitting at home on the phone or sending emails. This is easier than standing by a Trolley.


  • freemindfade

    Benefit to jdubs Carts = easy time

    Downside to jdubs Carts = easy target too

    I see posts on social media of all my jw friends in past places sitting on their @$$es doing nothing at these carts but clearly banking some serious hours! But I also know that people like us now can approach them and drop knowledge that will turn on their Cognitive dissonance so fast, their heads will be spining.

  • thedepressedsoul
    Don't forget with Cart Witnessing you can start your time the second you leave your house! Talk about some nice perks! I wish my job did that.

    They are going to Outsource the Calls Centres to India.

    Its not a problem cos the Hindian peoples will just read it off a script - much like JW-Dubs do anyway.

    "....but dat is not all ...if you pledge a monthly amount of fwifty dollars you will receive a free copy of Uncle Stephens all time funny faces on DVD to amuse your chillens ! "

  • blondie

    Telephone "witnessing" is done using online lists from the phone company....more up-to-date. Phone books are printed once a year or inaccurate online.

    The problem is that 4 pioneers use one phone, one calls while the other 3 eat treats and chat.

  • steve2

    Nice satire aside, there is more than a grain of truth to it.

    As the so-called "End Times" religious groups age, they do tone down the confident, date-fixated warnings and focus on issues they perhaps ignored such as " youth" programs and quality of life improvements (e.g., fewer meetings, shorter meetings, a more rounded media image, etc.).

    Mormons and Seventh-Day Adventists are two prime examples. And now, rather uncomfortably at first, JW.org joins them. You'd be hard pressed to see a difference between the nice, smiley featured magazine articles in their literature frm the Reader's Digest dumb-fests.

    Cozy, interchangeability rules, okay!

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