So an old "friend" emailed me today...

by bluesbreaker59 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • bluesbreaker59
    bluesbreaker59

    I was checking my email and I received an email from an old "friend" of mine.

    To give some history this "friend" and I, were "in love" as teeny boppers. She was stuck on me, then we fell apart because she wanted to be an ultra dubbie, and I didn't. We both eventually married other people and lost track of each other, then we both divorced. One day, back in summer 2005, I was lonely, so I called her parents place looking for a number, they didn't answer but passed along my number. I was in the process of my divorce when we began talking. I found out she had been in some trouble through the years and wasn't an active witness. Well I talked her into going back. We were reunited, and eventually tried some long distance "email dating" and saw each other a couple times. Then she started pioneering, and wanting to be an ultra dubbie again, and she started bossing me around over the phone. She then started seeing another guy where she lived, and denied it to me. Then one day I get a wedding invitation in the mail to her wedding. How's that for a fine "How do you do?" Anyway I called and basically said "Thanks for the invitation to your wedding, I guess you were dating someone else huh? Seeing a breakup like this really hurt, wished you would've told me. Please have a nice life, but leave me alone." At that point (fall of 2006) I had been fading. She emailed me a few times after she got married, without her husband knowing. They were having problems in their marriage. I told her to work it out with him, because I didn't want to be involved.

    I eventually got DF'd and emailed her saying so, and she begged me to come back. She told me again about more marital problems. I told her to stay with him, work on their marriage and keep communicating with each other. He wasn't beating her or anything, they just weren't talking about stuff, and it sounded like they had different priorities. I also told her to not contact me unless of severe emergency like a death or something.

    Now here I am, 2008, a very happily DF'd, engaged man, with a fiancee that I love more than anything in the world. And I get an email from this "old friend" and it said:

    "Are you reinstated yet? I will be at the convention back home this weekend"

    I replied:

    "No I'm never coming back, ever. I'm busy living a full and happy life with my fiancee, we are set to marry this fall. Hope all is well with you. Please lose my email address permanantly."

    Why in the hell is she emailing me? What's this all about? I haven't even thought twice about her since I emailed her about being DF'd. Why the sudden contact? Is she trying to interfere with my happiness? Is it more innocent than I'm thinking? I'd never leave my fiancee for anyone or anything that woman is everything to me.

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    typical dysfunctional ex. Now she's remembering her happy times with u she wants u back. U handled it right by telling her to lose your email permanently. She'll be on her perpetual search for happiness.

  • coolhandluke
    coolhandluke

    she cycles back to you when things arent going well for her. you are her security blanket because there is history there. and in her mind since she doesn't see or interact with you you can be whatever she needs. she's selfish and manipulative. f#(% her. you're happy. the problem is that she is not. it has nothing to do with breaking up your happiness and more to do with breaking up her unhappiness.

  • FreudianSlip
    FreudianSlip

    Maybe she just wanted to see how you were doing?

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Sounds to me like she's hunting for husband #3.

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    She will meet another person soon enough and will make his life miserable as well

  • Hope4Others
    Hope4Others

    Shes unhappy and full of regrets....I think this sorta of thing happens lots....some think will be the happy ever ending story......trouble is some think everything will

    be just grand again if you get back together, I think everyone or one of the people grows up a lot, things are really

    never the same. Block her emails you don't need to deal with her Drama!

    hope4others

  • Octarine Prince
    Octarine Prince

    Meditate on these lyrics:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oX30-Hpoz2Q

    Did you know? Paul Simon, that musical genius, wrote this bad boy.

  • Octarine Prince
    Octarine Prince

    Co-wrote.

  • AudeSapere
    AudeSapere
    coolhandluke wrote: she cycles back to you when things arent going well for her. you are her security blanket because there is history there. and in her mind since she doesn't see or interact with you you can be whatever she needs. she's selfish and manipulative. f#(% her. you're happy. the problem is that she is not. it has nothing to do with breaking up your happiness and more to do with breaking up her unhappiness.

    As a former female witness who vascillated between wanting a happier life than seemed possible in the org and wanting to be an uber-witness, I have to say that coolhandlukes assessment is pretty much right on the money (with the exception of the selfish and manipulative comment - mostly because I know my own history and really don't want to accept the 'selfish and manipulative' comment right now).

    She still has a psychic connection to you. She thinks that you are one of only a few people who really 'get' her. So she calls you when she needs a sympathetic ear or just to reminisce and she can fantasize about how your lives would be if you two really had hooked up.

    Like CHL said, I don't think she wants to ruin your happiness. She just wants a break from her own unhappiness right now.

    Telling her to lose your email permanently will shock her. She will imagine a number of reasons why you would cut all ties. But she'll get over it and move on to the next victim guy.

    Congrats on the engagement! I wish you all the best.

    -Aude.

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