Not Born-in, Not converted as adult. The In-Betweens

by Lady Lee 29 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Lady Lee

  I think some of us get lost somewhere in the middle.

  My kids knew nothing else but the JW lifestyle. They could only guess what holidays were like.

  My JW husband converted when he was 20 an adult...a young adult but still an adult. He wasn't influenced by his parents. They didn't start to study until he arranged for a study for them.

  I'm the in between person. I was almost 12 when my mother started to study with the JWs. My grandmother and her 4 youngest children went to live with my mother. All 5 of them were baptized so the atmosphere in the house quickly shifted from celebrating holidays to. . .nothing. No xmas, no birthdays, no after school activities. Instead we got studies, meeting and service.

  I was old enough to remember what the holidays were like. I had stories to tell classmates when they asked what I got for xmas.

  We were forced to give up things that we thought were fun.

  So. . . .my question for those other in-betweens like me, what was it really like for you to have these changes forced on you?
• 

  jamiebowers

  It was horrifying. I was 11 or 12 when my mom started studying. She had just remarried too, so there was a nasty stepfather to get used to as well. My brother went with her to the meetings, and after she left him, her husband started studying too. By the time I was 13, they told me that "the only reason that Satan was in their house was because of me". So I left home for a few years, returned, battered and bruised by the world, and signed up for their craziness.
• 

  dinah

  Good thread, Lady Lee.
• 

  shopaholic

  Great thread.

  Guess I'm actually an in-betweener as well because I wasn't actually born-in and I remember celebrating holidays but my mom got baptized when I was 5 or 6 years old.

  Well I didn't like not being able to say the pledge because I really liked it as a kid. Literally one day I could say the pledge and the next day I couldn't and it was on the day that I was supposed to be the class leader. That sucked, but like the good little girl I was I told the teacher that I couldn't do it. I didn't like that all of a sudden there was no halloween or christmas either. But hey, what could I do other than follow the program? I was just a kid.
• 

  Mulan

  I was 4 when my parents, and extended family, all became JW's. I do remember birthdays and a couple of Christmases, and I missed them, but our family was very close with my grandparents, aunts and cousins, so we never felt deprived. We always got gifts from time to time, and in the 50's, they still remembered our birthdays, not with gifts, but enough recognition to make us feel special that day.

  When I was in school and couldn't go to a birthday party, I would always come home from school on those days, and a gift was on my bed, even if it was just a new color book and crayons..............so Mom made it nice for me so I wasn't so disappointed.

  I do remember being terribly relieved that I didn't have to go "trigger treating". I hated that.............painfully shy and it was an ordeal for me. I got over the shyness and am quite an extrovert now, hard to believe I was ever like that, but I remember it very well.

  We always went to grandma and grandpa's for Thanksgiving until they died (grandma in 1974..........grandpa in 1961) because we all had the day off and turkeys were cheap..........that was the excuse. We got together for a big turkey dinner on Christmas too, (no presents) and grandma continued to make her fudge, divinity and fruitcakes that time of year. We also had a family gathering every New Year's Eve because that was grandma and grandpa's wedding anniversary, and we stayed up until Midnight too. Even after he died, we still had the family party, with lots of good food, and games. Those are good memories.

  Families don't have to quit having "events" just because the holidays were forbidden.
• 

  Lady Lee

  Mulan, I suspect your family was a lot more sensitive to the issues of being a JW kid. From things you have posted it sounds like they went out of their way to make you feel special.

  I think that most JW families are too afraid of "stumbling" someone or think that strict obedience to the rules meant deprivation for the children.

  We had some odd things in our family. We did do the turkey thing but never on "the day".My mother used to call us and wish us happy birthday - when we were still JWs. Not that we aren't JWs, we don't get the call

  A weird thing my JW-elder-husband used to do:

  At Halloween and Xmas he would get us in the car and drive around to see the lights and decorations on people's house. And then he would remind us that all this would be soon destroyed because it was Satanic.

  A part of me loved the lights and creativity. But I had to hide that part.

  What a cruel thing to do to children
• 

  Lady Lee

  jamie

  By the time I was 13, they told me that "the only reason that Satan was in their house was because of me".

  What a horrid thing to say to a kid. This religion turns people into heartless parents sometimes
• 

  Lady Lee

  shopaholic

  I hated that kind of thing too. Not saying the morning prayer, sometimes sitting in the hall during activities that were religious or political (flag salute)

  At a time when a kid is already having a hard time fitting in, they push all this other crap on them
• 

  digderidoo

  I was an in betweener. I was 13 my mom started studying. I had just found girls, had my first french kiss, played spin the bottle and had a go at a oiuja board. Then bam!! Just as i was getting started it all stopped.

  I couldn't go out with my mates, only wholesome kids from the cong. I had to start skipping school assembly, the first time was frightening everyone wanted to know why i wasn't going in the school hall anymore. The only birthday cards i had were off my one nan, she always felt a bit sorry.

  It's an awkward age anyway, your trying to fit in and growing up quick.

  I found i also had to learn quickly about the 'truth', because you don't know what your meant to believe. So i did a lot of studying.

  I also used to go coarse fishing with my mates along the canal, that had to stop as it was a 'blood sport'. I was in the army cadets, well as you can guess that went by the wayside.

  Whenever someone asked if i was brought up in the truth, i never really knew how to answer it.

  Paul
• 

  Lady Lee

  Whenever someone asked if i was brought up in the truth, i never really knew how to answer it.

  Personally I would say YES. As a teen I think we got it hard. There was so much to give up. And a lot of it was next to impossible to explain to our friends.

  I wonder if in some way the born-ins had it a bit easier. They had been doing this since they started school.