"Sister," (or Brother) "May I have a word.....?"

by Lady Zombie 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • Lady Zombie
    Lady Zombie

    Since I'm still getting to know all of you, tell me about an incident when you were pulled aside and counseled. Not having a formal JC meeting, but just an instance when some elder took it upon himself to "adjust" your thinking (or behavior).

    Here's one of mine. It still is infuriating to me two years later.

    There was a sister who had three young daughters (4 to 9 years) and a husband, all in the org. She is my age. Rumor had it than when she was 12 or so, she nearly drowned. They said she had a little bit of brain damage because of that. This brain damage excuse was used to defend her irritating and abrasive nature. By abrasive nature, I meant that she constantly said hurtful things to people such as "That dress really makes you look fat!" She said that to a diabetic sister who constantly struggled with her weight. Or she would say things like "Keeping up with the Jones', eh?" She said that to a financially poor family who had saved up a couple of years and just purchased a 4 year old Chevy Malibu.

    Point is, she was just a bitch. But, no one ever "counseled" her because of this supposed "brain damage." And if they did, no one ever knew about it.

    Anyway, she would smack her three young daughters very frequently. Out in the main hall. In front of everyone. For absolutely no reason 90% of the time. Like if one girl would adjust herself in the seat, SMACK! Or if another girl giggled at something, SMACK!

    She would physically push her daughters too. Like when they were picking their seats out, and one girl was busy looking at something or talking to someone, she would grab the girl and push her into the seat aisle.

    I have a problem with relying on physcial punishment to discipline children. A swat on a butt occasionally to shock them and get their attention, I understand. But this woman always seemed to have her hands on her children for even the slightest infraction. It made me so angry that I would just cringe and grit my teeth during the meetings.

    One night, they were sitting right in front of me. One little girl dropped her song book on the floor under her chair. I reached down, picked it up, and handed it to her. When the little girl turned around and smiled at me, her mother reached over, grabbed one of her hair's pig tails, and pulled it!

    After the meeting, I leaned over and whispered to the mother "If you hit another one of those girls, I'll hit you." No cursing, I didn't raise my voice, I just said that as calmly as I would say 'I'll see you later.'

    A week later, after a TM school meeting, two elders came up to me and asked to speak to me a moment. They told me that she had went to them saying I was threatening violence toward her and how she didn't know why. First I told them my exact words. I proceeded to tell them that, in my opinion, she was very abusive to her children and that I had a reflex reaction and couldn't help but say that to her. It was a knee jerk reaction.

    I was counseled, with scriptures too, about turning the other cheek, not being violent, showing love, yap yap yap.

    I highly doubt anything was ever said to her. They switched congregations about 6 months after that.

    I'm still steamed about that incident.

    Maybe I was wrong to "threaten" her (it wasn't a threat, it was a promise LOL) but I really couldn't stand to watch her constantly beat her children.

    What's one of yours?

  • Finally-Free
    Finally-Free

    Some people are too heavy handed with their children. My parents were like that. It didn't kill me, but it didn't teach me anything either.

    I was counseled for a lot of things, like having a moustache, wearing bright ties, biting my fingernails, having a 2 door vehicle, being overweight, joining a fitness club to lose weight, taking courses, being in debt, working overtime to pay off my debt, not underlining my watchtower, pointing out that the PO didn't underline his either, not smiling enough, and the stupid list goes on and on.

    Being overly critical is the only thing most JWs are any good at.

    W

  • BluesBrother
    BluesBrother

    The "Art of giving counsel" is something that is covered in the elders manual and has been discussed at Elders sessions. In reality few elders have the intellect or the humility to listen to a defence and change what they had prepared to say.

    Elder A says to Elder B that they need to have a word with Sister C because of some perceived wrong or "situation" The two decide on a strategy and the scriptures they will use . Usually one of them is the dominant one who sets the agenda.

    With their prepared script they approach the unfortunate one. The "counsel" is delivered regardless of what she says or whether it turns out to be appropriate. They are not skilled enough to change direction. If the recessive one thinks that the dominant one has gone too far he will not say so because that would look bad (you cannot have disunity among the elders) so he pretends to agree with it.

    I know, I have been there and done it...This kind of counsel is fit only to be disregarded or laughed off..

  • Gregor
    Gregor

    There was the wife of a 'superfine' annointed elder who put on a front of warmth and interest in various sisters until she could find a flaw such as materialism, immodest dress, lack of commenting in the meetings, dirt on the husband, the list of petty things went on and on. She would report back to her husband and then he would bring the person up in the elders meeting and point out the 'weakness'. He had no clue about any of these things until she did her little undercover number. Then he would kind of look down on the other elders for not watching the flock! Grrrrr. He was the elder who covered up his weired 20 yr old nephews innappropriate behavior toward young girls in the cong. until the nephew targeted my 12 yr old and I blew the whistle to the cops. He threatened to have me reproved for going to the wordly authorities instead of handling it inside the cong.. I almost got into a fist fight with him one night in the middle of the hall just before the meeting began.

  • Witness 007
    Witness 007

    Yeah sorry Lady Zombie but thems fightin words....it would have been funny if she said: "Yeah, I'd like to see you try, bitch!" And then you girls had a full on cat fight! I would sell tickets.

  • hillbilly
    hillbilly

    when I was a teen there were a couple of kids at our hall a bit younger than I was. Brothers.. and both were sociapaths. One of them damned near got tossed into Juvie for calling a girl and asking her if she'd like to be raped... or worse, often.

    We were playing basketball at the Jr High gym one night ... little brother followed me out to where I was parked... he had a big stick. Of course... he was posturing. Actually to cut to the chase... the little black bastard was going to try to beat the shit out of me. His words not mine.

    I kicked his little mal-adjusted butt into next week.

    When I got home I called his mom (a sister) and gave her what-for for a good half and hour. She got the word... if either one of her kiddies as much as looked sideways at me ever...I'd kill em.

    I got a little talking too for that... not much ...just a little. But I never had anymore trouble out of her two hooligans ever again.

    Post script... the one who came after me did hard time. The other has not been too productive a citizen either.

    Hill

  • Alexia
    Alexia

    Talking during the meetings (with friends)
    Having a membership at the “Y” (YMCA)
    Going to trade school (after they discouraged me from college)
    Missing a meeting (theocratic ministry school/service meeting) to perform in a music group (though I went to the meeting the next day at a different congregation)
    Immodest dress (too much cleavage) while the elder was staring at my tits.
    Talking to the opposite sex at the conventions
    Not reaching out
    Dating w/o having a wedding date
    Getting married
    Leaving a physically and financially abusive ex husband

  • loosie
    loosie

    One married elder had a word with me in the back room ALONE. just me and him. ( I thought he was suppossed to have two elders in there)

    I had just given the #3 talk in the back school. There were no straps on my cotton dress. but it wasn't low cut either. He said I was dressed to FORMAL for giving a talk. I think he was just staring at my boobs.

  • Bring_the_Light
    Bring_the_Light

    Never baptised so never counciled neener neener. But just last week I went to my home congregation. Vietnam Vet elder (PO I think) came up to me all cocky-like " so pretty DISILLUSIONED with the Army, huh?" I responded "Well, I was never illusioned to start with" He wasn't bad to say it, in fact as a Vietnam Vet I understand his statement and embracing of crazypants religion, but it was pretty funny because everyone standing near me (was in the midst of a love-bomb) seemed to get uncomfortable about saying "never illusioned". I swear I only meant I knew exactly what I was getting into regarding the Army. :)

  • The Oracle
    The Oracle

    Blues Brother!

    You could not be more BANG ON!

    This is EXACTLY HOW IT GOES!

    Nicely put.

    Peace

    The Oracle

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