To all "born-in" DF'd/DA'd posters..... (page 2)

undercover

The fact that we come on this board, read and post, shows that we have some mental baggage that we're dealing with. For some it may be minor inconveniences, for others, they're going through some heavy shit.

Compared to some of the experiences I've read, I have to admit that I've had it pretty easy. But at the same time, there is still some unresolved issues out there that may never be resolved. I just have to deal with things as they happen.

For anyone who still has JW family, we will always have some reminders of our past and we'll have confrontations on why we've "abandoned" our faith.

The key is to make peace with yourself and realize that you can't change others. Deal with shit as it happens and be resolved to be yourself and to stand up for what you think and believe.

cyberdyne systems 101

Not quite born in, but very young.

Every experience in life will stay with you, and for sure the negative things can stack up and sometime produce a quite cynical, or even depressed person, and degree's anywhere in between. I recon its healthy to invest in a life away from the past and look forward not back. Its easy for us to want someone to blame for things that happen. Yet this isn't alway a choice, think of those affected by disease or disaster. They have no one to blame and yet terrible things happened to them.

Would our life have been better had we been brought up another way? Sure its possible and our imagination allows us to believe it could have been, and yet the possibility is also that this path we were taken along was much better for us than the nightmare's some kids had to grow up from. Life has its fair and unfair moments, no one will escape that, so all we can do as a person is work on our attitude's to how the good and bad things affect us. Don't we admire the spirit of someone who is terminally ill that seems to have such a lot of love and happiness in spite of their reality? Why do we give ourselves any less.

Of course I have down days, but I try to control the wasted time on these feelings, when there is nothing I could do to change the past.

I wish you well on your journey in life

CS 101

nelly136

i sometimes feel its a pity my kids will never have a real dad, grandparents and extended family, they pulled the short straw on my side and the ex husbands, he and his family werent jws. That taught me jws dont hold the license on dysfunctional families. My kids have turned out just fine without any of them, in fact probably a whole lot better than if they'd continued to be exposed to them.

Apart from that its like they all died a long time ago (minus the funerals) and the mourning period has long since passed.

The hire purchase jw friends (only as good as the next payment) were replaced with real friends,

I can honestly say from where i'm sitting now, the gains have far outweighed any of the losses in the long run.

reniaa

Heres an apposing viewpoint. My jw grandfather is the only one my children have in their lives he keeps in touch and is loving despite my not being a current JW. he does give me a moral tongue-wagging every now and then though :S

They do have other grandparents non-Jws but one set walked away saying they didn't want to get attached to their disabled grandson in case he died and another set said they live to far away and don't want to get attached because they can't see them enough but they have made a bank account for my daughter to access at 18(guilt I suppose), money instead of grandparent hmm thats works! (NOT)

PrimateDave

I was born in. So, it was basically expected that I would always be a JW from the get go. At least that is the JW mindset. When I broke away two years ago, I informed my family of my decision to DA. I let it be known that I expected to be shunned, and that shunning me would not affect my decision. Well, although we haven't seen each other, mainly because of the distance we all live from each other, they still talk to me on the phone and write to me and send me WTS literature. I don't ask for the literature, but they send it nonetheless.

We don't talk religion. I know they won't change their minds. They all have too much mental and emotional investment in that way of life, and who am I to tell them what to do. Of course, I expect the same degree of respect in return, that is, not to be told what to do with the rest of my life. If at some point I move and live close by them, then perhaps the situation might change at least from their perspective. Who knows?

I have seen enough in my 40 years of life to know that there is no "normal" or "perfect" life. My parents did their best to raise me in a stable family. I didn't suffer the trauma of divorced parents or alcoholism or abuse. I didn't get holidays or birthdays either, but I honestly never felt deprived. What I really wish I had been given was a balanced perspective of the future. It's hard to plan ahead when "the End is Coming."

So, where do I go from here? I'm still trying to figure that out.

Dave

ex-nj-jw

Do you feel that we will ever be free from the mental damage imposed by our parents?

Yes, but you have to be the one to put it in perspective

Can someone overcome this rejection? Some can and some can't. Thereapy is wonderful

How are you dealing with it? Most days I don't think about it. Whem my mom decides to be a pain in my butt and preach to me or rather threaten me with the Big A I either ignore her which she really hates, or I change the subject. If that doesn't work I simply don't deal with her/it.

Do you think that you have missed what a normal family life is supposed to consist of?

Yes, but I changed that for my children

Do you think that this can ever be overcome?

See above answer

If you have been DF'd/DA'd for any period or time do you harbor hate/resentment still?

I'm not df'd or da'd but from time to time my family treats me as though I am. Resent it sometimes but I pretty much am over it. It was really bad until I decided not to let them make me miserable

I am afraid that I will never be able to forgive them for raising me as a JW...then rejecting me because I could not continue with their teachings.

Have you tried therapy?

I don't feel that there ever was a "choice" for me to make. It was made for me before I was born.

Exactly, but you can't go back and change anything. You only have control over your future. With them or not you have the power to change your life. Don't allow anyone or anything to take that from you.

nj

str8?so is spaghetti..until you heat it up

In two months, it will have been a year since I disassociated.

I still feel scarred by my family's rejection, but its not like I was unaware of the consequences of being true to myself.

I try not to let it dominate my thoughts or actions, and instead make the most of the relationships I am forming outside of the Dubs. It will never completely erase the damage done.

I've learned to grab hold of my new found freedom. I refuse to let that organisation continue to dominate my life.

Tuesday

People who weren't raised as JW's still can't get over stuff that happened in their childhood. Something like someone being bullied in High School can effect them the rest of their lives. Their parents making them play baseball or something similar. When I talk to people about my childhood they're usually shocked with the amount of time that was spent in the Kingdom Hall or doing activities related to JWs. I think there is a chance to move on but everyone finds their own way. I'm hoping to reach that soon.

dinah

It gets better.

My mother never shunned me, so in that regard I'm blessed. Most of my family aren't Dubs. But my df'ing put a real strain on my Mom's relationship with me.

Just take care of you. Don't let the anger you have toward the WT eat you alive. (Because it will if you let it).

That kind of hurt runs deep. They stole our childhood. We have to mourn for ourselves a little. At least you know you are not alone.

That's why I love this place.

White Dove

Yes, healing happens, but it takes everyone different time to do it. It takes a long time for that gaping hole where your soul used to be to heal back up with a stronger soul. It will happen, though.

To all "born-in" DF'd/DA'd posters.....

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