Does anyone have parents who have left the BORG after you did?

by Alexia 13 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Alexia

  I’m thinking about my mother today. She’s been in the “truth” for over 30 years now – baptized in her mid 20s. She had been faithful the whole time despite being married to a severe alcoholic (my father only studied) for 27 years. She never had to go to the “back room” for anything negative. She’s not one of those *popular* sisters because of my father, having to work full-time to take care of her children, never was a regular pioneer, never on parts in assemblies, etc – but many people acknowledge that she is very faithful.

  She called me yesterday telling me that the elders took her in the back room to “discuss” her hair. After years of straightening it to look “acceptable”, she decided enough was enough and decided to go natural and lock her hair. She now has had dreadlocks for over five years. She keeps them neat and short and she looks gorgeous.

  She basically told them it’s not up to them to tell her what to do with her hair – especially if its not outlandish in any way. They backed off.

  It’s a small incident, but this makes me wonder if my mother will ever wake up while she is still young (age 57).

  Does anyone have parents who left the BORG after you did??
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  10p

  Sort of

  My father had been DFed when he left my mother and married another (wordly) woman. She studied and joined the religion, and my father got reinstated. Years passed, and they had 'grown cold', but still believed it was the truth etc. Then my sister became apostate, then me. I told my sister to get Crisis of Conscience, which she did. She then passed it onto my father who read it, and is now totally out.

  On the other hand, though, my mother is still in, and probably will never leave. I think for women, the religion can actually be a decent life, especially if it suits their personality (conservative). She doesn't shun her children though.(well, its only my sister who is actually DF'ed. My brother never got baptised, and I'm still under the radar, at this stage) She also knows her children are all pretty smart, so I think she has her doubts ... who knows, maybe she will 'see the light.' I can't see how it would benefit her life though, as currently the religion isn't having any negetive consequences for her - it gives her a social network and 'rewarding' activities (ok, we know they're not rewarding, but they think they are, and so therefore they are - to them).

  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy having a free mind, but honestly, on philosophical reflection, I don't see the point in wanting people to leave their religions - I think most people couldn't cope. And if you just want them to leave one religion and join another ... then you really have to look at yourself and ask if you've actually changed since being a JW.
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  mind my own

  Nope, I wish!

  MMO
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  Ima Apostate

  Interesting perspective. My mom sounds just like your mom. She is very faithful. And even though I totally disagree with her religion, I don't necessarily want to get her out of it. It makes her happy. The only bad thing is she can't divorce my Dad, and he's a total pig most of the time. They do not love each other.

  My Dad, terrific brainwashed Jehovah's Witness that he is, told me that he is getting tired of a loveless marriage. I think he was depressed at this time. Anyway, he said if he met the right woman, he might just leave my mom.

  Can you believe it? So somewhere inside my Dad, I think, is someone who could come out. He is a dangerous witness, whereas I see my mom as harmless. Dad wants to convert everybody. Mom is like, whatever, do your own thing. I love you because you're my daughter.

  I'd love to get my dad to read Crisis of Conscience. But you know JWs, they are told not to go within 2 feet of that book.
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  LearningMore

  I agree with these comments. It also sounds a bit like my mom. I've wondered if I ever made her question enough if she would leave. But, then I thought, I don't know if that would be the best for her. It provides her social network, and fills her spiritual side. She has never had "issues" in the congregation...never been called to the back room or anything. I do think she has been excluded from things simply because my dad is not a witness, so she is alone at the meetings. I think women attending alone often get the shaft. But, she has her circle of friends, and I think she would feel lost without the witnesses.
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  Alexia

  Interesting! This religion does make her very happy and I'm glad she has that--I guess my problem is the false hope the BORG gives its members. Hope of seeing friends and relatives who passed, hope of being young and healthy again, living forever, etc. She talks about whats going on in the world with the understanding that we are just minutes away. It makes me sad that she can live another 30-40 years with this "hope". OTOH, she's happy now. (shrug)
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  Fadeout

  To the initial question: Yes.

  Baby steps.
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  Indo_Dude

  Both of my parents stopped being JWs after they saw how I was treated when the elders were being abusive towards me and being gay. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. After I left they left the JWs about a year after I stopped. My sister also stopped soon after they did. Now, none of my immediate family members are JWs. My coming out as gay was truly a blessing for everyone. Before, our family was very distant and argued all the time. Now my dad is almost my best friend. We only fight now once in a blue moon, and they support me 100% in my life, my boyfriend, and my education pursuit.
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  BurnTheShips

  Both of my parents stopped being JWs after they saw how I was treated when the elders were being abusive towards me and being gay.

  My parents started to leave after I was subjected to a similar experience. My father was an elder at the time. I remember they sent longtime elders from other congregations to my Dad's house to calm him down and it turned into a shouting match on the front porch, with my father being the loudest. My parents started to check out around then, although I didn't know it.
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  hybridous

  My mother (single) is totally wrapped up in this religion.

  If I asked, she'd swear she's happy. But who knows how true that is. When she tells people she's happy, is it for the same reasons my friend and I would tell people it was 'our choice' to be knocking at their door selling religion on Saturday mornings?

  We said it was 'our choice' (even though it WASN'T) because we were taught to.

  The same way mom will say she's happy, even though I have my doubts. Happiness should'nt have to be realized through Herculean efforts.