If you could have your family back..... (Are JWs toxic to you?)

by Open mind 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Would it be worth even being AROUND JWs from time to time?

    I guess what I'm asking is this:

    Is the whole JW outlook somewhat toxic to you? Is it SO toxic that it's worth not EVER being around them?

    Whenever I have the opportunity to spend some time around non-JWs who are highly creative, positive, non-judgemental, etc. my thoughts go down this road.

    How about you?


  • ButtLight

    Well, some of them (jw's), I wouldnt say family. I love them, I just wish they could see that shunning shouldnt be part of the deal!

  • wings

    I would gladly put up the the crap as long as I didn't have to participate in it.

    It would be nice to be loved even though I am not a JW anymore. Ain't gonna happen. It is part of the crap. Vicious circle.

  • BFD


    My mom was in my life from 1978 after I was DF'd till around 1997 when she began shunning. Her JWism never was a problem for me because it was her life. Then all of a sudden she was like another person. Unreasonable, hurtful and self-righteous. I don't know what happened at the KH but something kicked her into JW high gear and she threw away her family.


  • llbh

    Sadly my mum, dad and brother died whlist i was still in the wts, i wish i had left before they died and we could have birthdays and Christmas together


  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    well in my mother's case - she was toxic before she became a JW

    I see no benefit to being in contact with her now even if she left the JWs

  • Gill

    Yuk! No!

    The WT can keep them! They deserve eachother!

    Sometimes, you just have to stay away from people who judge and demean you for your own sanity and health.

    As long as they remain JW and more importantly, treat us like rubbish, we don't want or need them.

    Sometimes you have to draw a line in the sand....and then move on.....fast.......and maybe even RUN!

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    BFD said:

    Then all of a sudden she was like another person. Unreasonable, hurtful and self-righteous.

    I think I'm guilty of painting all JWs with the same brush on this thread. That is unfair. Let me try again.

    My parents are old school, uber-JWs through and through. They are the kind of JWs I was thinking of when I started this thread.

    Here are the views they hold which I think are toxic and life-sapping.

    1. This is not the REAL life. (Just heard this comment again at last week's Book Study.)

    2. This is not YOUR life. Well, OK, Jehovah "gave" it to you. Sort of. But it's still not really yours.

    2a. You can only be "Happy" doing things Jehovah's (i.e. Watchtower's) way.

    2b. If you "do your own thing" you will always feel guilty knowing that Jehovah is looking over your shoulder. Not to mention the nosy, judgemental JWs who know you know better.

    3. Competition is a bad thing. It's part of Satan's world.

    4. Be paranoid, err, cautious about everything around you.

    4a. Associations. If they're not JW, best to just not even get started. Any goodness you see in "worldly" people is nice, but if they're not a JW or not interested in becoming one, don't even get started down the road of friendship. It will only end in heartache or, worse, a destruction of your "faith".

    4b. Entertainment. Various levels of paranoia & self-righteousness here depending on the JW. Some JWs don't even let their kids watch Snow White or Cinderella because of "demon stuff".

    5. This world is in SATAN's hands. Look at everything with a jaundiced, detached eye. See the way the setting sun strikes the stained glass as it enters this cathedral you happened to wander into..... WHAT!?! Run, JW, Run! (I know, I know, plenty of JWs have no problem strolling through churches in Europe on vacation. But they often can't just enjoy the beauty for it's own sake. They're always "getting the creeps" about being inside part of Babylon the Great.

    5a. Most of the world is just walking corpses since Jehovah's going to kill 'em soon.

    6. Don't REALLY enjoy anything other than JWism too much. If you do, it could easily turn into idolatry. "Anything that comes between you and your worship of Jehovah, blah, blah". So what's the point in even "tasting" recreation or hobbies that appeal to you at a visceral level?


    I'll stop ranting there.

    Part of me doesn't want to lose my family. That's natural. And it's why I've been working on them and haven't just thrown it all in their face at once.

    The other part of me says, "Hey, OM. Life is short. Do you really want to spend any more of it around people who cherish ideas you despise?"

    Then my "middle-of-the-road" easy going voice kicks in. "Hey, nobody has family who all REALLY believe the same stuff. So just deal with it."

    Hope you don't mind my mental rambling. It's at least somewhat therapeutic for me.


  • AlyMC

    my family left before I did, so I have them. I would absolutely have my in laws more involved in our life if I could. I adore them, I especially miss my FIL and step MIL. I think they mean well and want us in their life to, their ideal is just deluded right now. I don't consider them toxic.

    We continued to speak to my MIL the many years she was DF'd and I doubt she'll ever cut us off. I honestly don't think she believes, I just don't think she was able to get out to the "other side" even though she tried. She is very respectful and far from toxic.

    What I miss the most is all the aunties, uncles, cousins, family dinners, etc. I loved marrying in to a close family, and I'm sad I don't have it anymore. They are lovely people who think they are doing right.

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    I am beginning to believe that most, if not all, association with them is toxic to me.

    I spun my wheels for a long time trying to 'reach' a couple of them - and now, with time and growth, I wonder what the hell I would even talk to these people about if they became close friends with me again. How could that even happen? They are drones, lockstep with a religion that demands they all think, dress, walk and talk alike.

    The large hole that was left in my heart is mostly filled up now - so I would likely pass unless it was on my terms.


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