What "secrets" has my wife hidden since her baptism?

by kzjw 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • kzjw

    I'm a "Believe what you want" kinda guy, so when my wife got involved w/ Bible study 16 years ago, I didn't think much of it. what could be wrong with having Bible knowledge? Then came teh teocratic put downs because I didn't believe what she did. Then came baptism and the whole game changed! The ups & downs she followed in the doctirnes to the point of where it pxxxed me off, and I began my 1st research a decade or so ago. I took the hardline approach, big mistake. She systematically hid me from the doctirne of the Borg, because I questioned it's very existence. Leaning to the elders for advice, while the hwhole time I'm looking like a tyrannical axxhole!

    I'm on my 2nd research string, better knowledge(Captives of a Concept, Crisis of Concsience, Watchtower comments & this site) and Iv'e even developed an "understanding" of sorts with one of the elders form her congo(no, I don't trust him) But I'm finding that the more I learn the less I know. Who will enlighten me on things I may have missed about how she was told to handle an "unbelieving" husband?

  • momzcrazy

    As a one time wife of an "UBM", I have since also left the religion, I can tell you one viewpoint. You are looked down upon, sometimes with pity. She is going to try to get you to join. If you don't she will just bide her time with you until Armageddon. It is hard to feel deep attatchment to someone you won't spend forever with. Then she will be rewarded for her faithfulness by Jehovah blessing her with a more spiritual husband.

    Sorry, but those things actually ran thru my mind.

    Welcome to JWD, by the way.


  • greendawn

    If what they used to say is anything to go by today the non JW spouse of a JW doesn't get a bad deal at all, husbands are to be obeyed and respected especially if they financially support their wives, then it's only the problem that the non JW spouse will supposedly soon die at armageddon. What's really bad is for a JW spouse to leave the cult then the marriage could well get wrecked by a vengeful organisation.

  • megawatt

    Yup, the believing mate is being forced to stay, not by you but by the organization. She has no grounds and can't leave, unless you're unfaithful to her. But I've been hearing more and more about the elders (window washers and car detailers) allowing the believing mate to leave on grounds of spiritual endangerment. Not sure if that's true or not, but it wouldn't surprise the least bit.

  • oompa

    The real deal is really no secret, and it often works. She basically is going to "out nice" you, you will be impressed since you are such a monster, and finally see the light. This is referred as "winning over the unbelieving mate without a word." Once in, you may make some friends, have some buddies, and enjoy all the drinking parties..............have fun..............oompa

  • R.Crusoe

    The basic brainwash will be paramount in her mind is that she cannot truly love you or let you know it!

    She has to, in order to preserve her own hope for an afterlife of happiness, get used to the idea that you and her will be separated forever! So the WT help them to tolerate your being influenced by satans world whilst she follows gods rule to take all the pain of living with a non- believer!

    She will harbor a last ditch hope that you may alter, but as you can imagine, her feelings are so long down the road of you not making it, the whole idea of loving and sharing each others inner thoughts and feelings has become alien to the both of you - though I suspect more from her than you which is why you will get seriously pissed off so often and want the truth - which is a hilarious statement until you think about how NOT funny it is!

  • carla

    What has she been hiding? Well probably the fact that everything, and I mean everything that goes on in your house is made privy to the elders, then their wives and then the whole cong knows every cotton-pickin' thing that goes on in your house. Don't forget about theocratic warfare where she can lie to you at any time as you are not worthy of truth. The elders may suggest a seperation if you are deemed a 'spritiual endagerment' to her, and they will try at some point but then tell her it is up to her conscience to stay with you, you evil ubm. How's your intimate life? any changes? you can blame that on the org and elders as well. Movies? commercials? books? Suddenly nearly everthing is 'unsuitable'? blame the wt for that too. Getting tired of a part time spouse? yep, that's how it goes in this cult. The cult comes first no matter what. Ever mark a calendar to keep track of how much time they actuallly spend in jw stuff? you would be amazed to see it on paper. Oh, I guess I am sounding 'bitter' tonight. My apologies, I wish you well. Good luck with all the research! It is truly overwhelming the amount you must do to know what the hell they believe! Then try and keep up with the new light and your own jw who may get things mixed up on occasion.

    My condolences,

    a fellow ubm

  • kzjw


    That's a wealth of information to digest. Thanx 4 the input. She' s coming in now...Anything more you got would be appreciated

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