Elders come to see me...

by NanaR 17 Replies latest jw experiences

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  NanaR

  I am now Roman Catholic :-)

  The Easter Vigil Mass (at which I was baptized) was 8 p.m. yesterday, and we had a meeting at the Church yesterday morning. So I went home for the afternoon to get ready for the evening.

  So who else would show up at our door (during the three hours or so I was home all day) but two JW elders. They were from the local congregation but I didn't know them (that's how long I've been gone). My daughter answered the door and I went in my bedroom and closed the door. My husband went out to talk to them (they didn't come into the house because my granddaughter had a virus supposedly).

  My husband came to the bedroom door and knocked. He said that the "brothers" wanted to talk to me. I told him that I did not want to talk to them. Then he insisted that I open the door, and told me I "had" to talk to the "brothers". I told him I DID NOT have to talk to them and that I would not talk with them and I closed and locked the door.

  My husband told them (according to my daughter) that HE was coming to the Memorial, and they left.

  I wanted them to know that they no longer have power over me. They can do whatever they want (and I am sure they will), but I will be no part of their kangaroo court. I was angry with myself that they engendered any feeling in me at all, but the adrenalin was definitely up while they were there. Fight or flight -- I chose flight.

  I have not presented myself as a Witness for many years. I didn't even attend Memorial last year. I have been inactive at least ten years. And still they came...

  On the plus side, they must consider me a pretty dangerous person if they feel they need to brand me as untouchable by members of the congregation. On the minus side, they are still trying to warp my husband's mind (he is not attending Church with me).

  More on the happy events of the day in another post.

  Pax,

  Ruth
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  Inquisitor

  "I wanted them to know that they no longer have power over me. They can do whatever they want (and I am sure they will), but I will be no part of their kangaroo court. I was angry with myself that they engendered any feeling in me at all, but the adrenalin was definitely up while they were there. Fight or flight -- I chose flight."

  Don't be too hard on yourself NanaR! I too had that same sequence of emotions: Defiance, Nerves, Shame and Anger at oneself. I don't think steely nerves come naturally to everyone. But I constantly tell myself that that day will come.

  That day will come when my replies will sound even better than I had re-hearsed them in my mind. I will sting them even as they have tried to hurt me with their self-righteousness, self-importance and false charity. I know not all JWs are like that. But the elders whom I specifically have in mind, are.

  Our resilience will grow with time.

  INQ
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  nomoreguilt

  My, what a deep post, if you know what I mean. The implied power by them that they still hold sway over your life. I am sad to hear that your husband wouldn't take no for an answer from you. Some spouses are weak when it comes to the org. Not saying that he is, but I also think that perhaps he still holds out hope for you to return. Did he perhaps INVITE them to your home to talk and reason with you? Just a passing thought, as many spouses are well intended. The problem is, is that they really don't UNDERSTAND how we feel. My EX was like that. My new bride has never been a jw and is the one that opened my eyes to the reallity of the cult. Total control.

  Fortunately, the jw's don't know that I live in their territory, hence, no shepherding calls on me , yet. take care Nana R

  NMG
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  Hope4Others

  I think it is just the inevitable to happen.

  I am now Roman Catholic

  Some how they have become aware of this, I think your reaction to the visit would be normal to many especially when it's unexpected.

  lol

  hope
• 

  choosing life

  Congratulations on your baptism. Does your husband talk to others about your new faith? It seems rather unusual they would come at such a specific time, if no one tipped them off.

  I have told them no to a visit a couple of times on the phone. Then they just show up when my husband or I are in the front yard doing yard work. We just keep the conversation superficial and never invite them in. My husband keeps working while talking to them. I remember how people would do that to me when I went door to door. Kinda like showing them your busy and they are interupting.

  I hope things go well for you, Nana.
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  Gayle

  That you did not want to talk w/the elders was the right thing for you. You deserve your feelings, they are yours. I wouldn't go to the door for years to talk w/JWs, didn't want to waste my time. But you know what,,last week two fellas came by, I answered the door, I dominated the conversation for 6/7 min., they don't know me in this area. I stayed with one topic, blood,,and the flip-flops (vaccinations, organ transplants & blood fractions (what a contradiction, 90+% fractions okay now,, compare the issue that one cannot take a car,,but can take most of the parts separately,,all banned by their leadership at one time but now okayed), and one fella got the chance barely to say it was all conscience,,so I blurted out,"what will you do when blood transfusions are changed to be a conscience matter altogether?". They just told me to have a nice day and I said thank you, you do the same. Well, now I am preparing my 2nd sermonette on the pedofile issue next, I can hardly wait though now. I may be scratched from the territory card now. So be it!
• 

  NanaR

  Inquisitor:

  Our resilience will grow with time.

  Thank you, Inquisitor. I know I tend to be hard on myself. I just keep thinking how bizarre is it that a grandmother is hiding in her room so she doesn't have to talk to somebody LOL.

  nomoreguilt:

  Did he perhaps INVITE them to your home to talk and reason with you? Just a passing thought, as many spouses are well intended.

  nmg,

  I have told him on more than one occasion that I would not meet with/talk with the JW elders under any circumstances. I suppose it is possible that he invited them, but he didn't know precisely when I would be home so the timing is still bizarre.

  Hope4Others:

  I think it is just the inevitable to happen.
  

  I am now Roman Catholic

  Some how they have become aware of this, I think your reaction to the visit would be normal to many especially when it's unexpected.

  Hope,

  I became aware a couple of weeks ago that my conversion was now "common knowledge" in the congregation. This did not disturb me, I have not been hiding my Catholic pursuits from anyone.

  It is only inevitable when viewed from the mindset of the Witnesses. If a Catholic stops coming to Mass and starts going to a Baptist Church, for example, the Church takes no "action" against that person. They PRAY FOR THEM!! They WANT them to come back. They certainly do not shun them.

  The Witnesses pursue an us/them mentality that leads them to this rather bizarre behavior. In the final analysis, all they wanted from me (I am certain) is a clear statement that I am no longer a Jehovah's Witness. I chose to make that statement by being received into the Church, not by cooperating with the JW power structure. Behavior like mine makes them beyond furious, because it is beyond their control.

  choosing life:

  Congratulations on your baptism. Does your husband talk to others about your new faith? It seems rather unusual they would come at such a specific time, if no one tipped them off.

  Thank you, Choosing. My husband has been trying to avoid acknowledging my new faith. I started wearing a Crucifix last Wednesday and he has yet to mention it. I haven't taken it off, even once, and it is in plain view. So it is clear that he is ignoring it.

  I thought a Saturday afternoon visit was rather odd. As I mentioned above, I am certain they have heard about my conversion. But the fact that they caught me home when I was only there a relatively short time is odd.

  Gayle:

  But you know what,,last week two fellas came by, I answered the door, I dominated the conversation for 6/7 min., they don't know me in this area.

  Good for you!! I have lived here all my life, so I can't exactly hide out. But if I ever get the opportunity to talk to a Witness (in a circumstance where they are not trying to "hang me" LOL), I will try to make them think a little.

  Thank you all for your kind comments,

  Ruth
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  jamiebowers

  Please, for your sake and that of your family, write a letter to your local kh and tell them not to call at your house anymore. Congrats on the baptism!
• 

  Tired of the Hypocrisy

  Stick to your guns. Not meeting them was not a sign of weakness. You said a mouthful when you said they had NO POWER over you. I feel the same way...they say white I say black, they say come here I say no. How dare they go into your home and try to control you! I am waiting on a visit here myself and I have thrown elders out of my home when I was in, how do you think it will go this time? I applaud you.....
• 

  NanaR

  Update:

  Hey all,
  
  Got another visit from two elders today -- two elders whom I had never even met. The first time they stopped by (about 1 p.m.), my daughter told them I was taking a nap (true). They told her they would come back at 3.
  
  Michelle saw them pull up, so I walked out to the drive way to meet them. One introduced himself. He said he didn't believe he had ever met me. The other asked me if I was Anna Board (!). I said no, Anna Board was my mother (she died in 2005).
  
  The one who was "taking the lead" looked me in the eye and said, "We have heard rumors that you have been attending a Catholic Church." I looked straight back at him and said "I'm Roman Catholic" and smiled. He said, "Are you a member of the Church?" I said "Yes" He said, "Are you baptized" I said "Yes".
  
  Then he took a deep breath, looked kind of up at the sky and then back at me (what's up with that?) and said, "Well I suppose you know that by doing this you have dissassociated yourself from the Christian Congregation..." at which point I jumped in and said, "Well, I prefer to look at it that I have BECOME a Christian, but you may look at it however you choose" I was still smiling.
  
  And they left...
  
  Oh yeah, I made sure I had on a black shirt with my crucifix very visible...
  
  Afterward, my daughter Michelle said, "Mom, that rocked! I'm so proud of you!"
  
  So there you have it...
  
  I really kind of felt sorry for the two young brothers. Neither of them looked even thirty years old. The one who "took the lead" actually looked a little embarassed.

  Don't know if there will be any repercussions. My youngest grandson lives with his Witness grandparents. They have continued to be very nice to me. I don't know if that will change now or not.

  The Witness mindset is so strange. So glad to be free of that!!

  On the plus side, I can almost guarantee that I am now a "do not call" *hah* Time to go buy Christmas decorations!! Oops, forgot, got to do Halloween and Thanksgiving first...

  Much love,
  
  Ruth