Wisdom

by AllTimeJeff 3 Replies latest jw friends

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  AllTimeJeff

  I haven't contributed much in a while. Life keeps me busy. For me, (and I only speak for myself) I have struggled with learning about myself since leaving. Or maybe it would be better to say that I have struggled to do a better job at listening to myself and get to the wisdom that some of my life's experiences have tried to teach me. Because their is a difference between experience and wisdom.
  
  Just to let everyone know, I have struggled with fear. Fear of homelessness (that has always been my biggest one) and fear of failure, esp failing on my job. I haven't been rational about these things. They don't stick with me all the time, but they do pop up in the isolated silence. I also struggle with the decisions I made, leaving the JW (not a hard one as it turned out) leaving a bad marriage (much harder then I thought it would be, dealing with the emotions, thinking back to how you could have done things differently...) Wondering if past performance represents future results. I moved two times in the last two years to places where no one knew me. I have been homesick for the life I had. Not that I would go back to it, I just miss what is familiar. I can't do anything about that, because I already made the decision, and life is made up of each decision we make, big and small, good or bad.
  
  The fact is that I have been through a lot. My experience is pretty good. I am no longer the naieve 20 something overly ambitious religious zealot. Life slapped me good. I actually failed at a good number of things. But I wouldn't have failed if I didn't try. And as I sit here, the one thing I see missing in my life since I left is wisdom and perspective. The ability to make sense of my experience and use it to benefit me. I'm not talking of religious wisdom, but practical experience, the kind you could get from your grandparents, or your parents if they actually had any. The fact is, I write about wisdom right now because slowly but surely I have been including people in my life, and getting some perspective on me.
  
  Sometimes when life sucks, and bad things happen, we get confused. I know this has been the case with me. Suddenly, you leave the JW's, and what is left? What is needed perhaps isn't to just forget about, but the ability to translate what has happened in a way that makes sense, so that you can understand it.
  
  I think back to my grandparents, to my deceased brother, and I have asked myself, "What would they want for me? Would they tell me to react and view my experiences the way that I have actually done? Or would they tell me to slow down? To speed up? To forgive myself and forgive those that have hurt you?" I know the answer to that question for me, and it helps me a great deal.
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  Velvetann

  Jeff

  I feel sad that you and many of us have had to be in this position. I got out at a time when there was NO ONE to talk to and the internet was not an option. I thought I was the only one that had left the Society and had doubts. There was no way to find other contacts. I went through hell emotionally for over 20 years until finally over many years it finally wasn't foremost in my mind but it still haunted me. I had no one to express this too until a couple of years ago when I discovered through the internet that I was not alone and not wrong to have left.

  Thanks for expressing yourself so well. Please know that myself and many others feel your pain and want to be there for you if you need to talk

  Velvetann
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  Robdar

  From you post, I'd say that you've gained a lot of wisdom. Now, you have to learn to trust it.
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  Hope4Others

  To forgive myself and forgive those that have hurt you?" I know the answer to that question for me, and it helps me a great deal.

  I write about wisdom right now because slowly but surely I have been including people in my life, and getting some perspective on me.

  Now that you have found that answer peace will follow, letting others into your life now is a good thing to help you move on and find some sort

  of trust again in people.

  You are young and have a lot of life ahead you.

  lol

  hope