SAYWHAT - Good thread. I agree with those here that say patterns can be changed or broken. We can break the cycle of child abuse, substance abuse,spousal abuse, or any other negative patterns by educating ourselves and putting into application what we learn in a positive way ! We don't have to repeat the mistakes of our ancestors
Are We Doomed To Repeat Patterns?
As BFD says, the first step in avoiding family of origin patterns (or any pattern) is to become aware of it.
Then you can observe the habit, and the compulsion that is often associated with it. You can tally up the effects - what the strategy offers, and what it costs.
Then you can decide whether it works to your advantage, or work towards changing it.
These patterns of ours of often unsconscious - we do them because we "learned" them at a very early age, and without opportunity to see alternatives.
Not to hijack the thread, but often our perceptions of God and how He interacts with us are also templated upon our early experiences with our parents.
I don't know, it hasn't really been my experience. My Dad and I are so much alike in our core, but I really feel like he tried to change some cycles and I just picked up where he left off in my own family. The only thing I did much like him is leave home early and bum across the country at a young age...which I don't really consider a mistake. Otherwise our choices have varied quite a bit and shown kind of an evolution of sorts.
I have observed a lot of people within a cycle though, and I not really sure what makes that happen.
Life is similar to placing lots of dominoes in patterns and formations of possibility and preferentially choice!
Ones given many dominoes and choice arrange all manner of things and have 'breaks' in place should one ever fall over and set of the whole collapse.
Some have less possibility for all manner of reasons and also may find what they construct to be less impressive but also less likely to ever be - especially due after successive collapses or lack of 'breaks'!
And when others interfere one is stacking dominoes slower than they are collapsing ones efforts!
If you are a compassionate person all the choice you will leave yourself is to keep stacking dominoes until you are at a point where you put up one as it gets knocked down and that becomes your status quo for life!
Your choice is no longer filled with potential 'patterns' but whether you actually now see any value stacking one domino to watch it fall again!
You realise some enjoy vandalising others lives directly and almost force you into preventative action as a distraction from building your own!
So I'm not sure about your theory but mine feels like reality!
(Edited) For those of you that weren't quick enough, or lucky enough, it was a rare glimsp into my personal life. It was too long, off topic and very juicy. Sorry, I just get carried away. It sure felt dam good to write though!
In short, I think patterns can be changed to a point depending on the extent of the damage. Sometimes, there is scarring that runs too deep and sometimes there are behaviours that may be prone to genetics. I have a nephew. He reminds me very much of me. He is very young and very rarely ever sees me and knows me, not at all, and yet I see in his mannerisms, his speech and even his walk, myself.
Tyrone, that was ... something like a phenomenon.
Spaznik, don't make me regret I just erased that. I have been writing it for several hours. I gotta stop erasing things like that. I'm actually glad you read it though. Dammit! Your saw right away how differnt I am from anything. I'm so glad to hear that. I wonder if anyone else caught it. I can't bring myself to write that again. I couldn't have had that on there for more than 5 minutes.
I wish I had saved it. I went back to look again and it was gone. I had hoped you had saved it somewhere else before deleting it.
I understand the deleting, but next time, I hope you will save it first, at least for yourself!
I needed to see that tonight and feel very lucky.
Power to stop cycles is a reminder of the Centuries old Irish conflicts!
Communication is key!
And recall the deliberations that went on at all manner of hours and far beyond the scopes of any expected timetabled discussions or debates!
Success lay in letting communication become the dynamic - it's own lifeform!
WT Psychology repeatedly weilds its scalpul at communication and castrates all chance of new life and even disfiguring that which exists!
'Silence like a cancer grows!' (Simon&Garfunkel)
It would be a miracle if anyone saved it. It just wasn't up long enough. You are very lucky indeed. You were probably actually reading it while I was erasing. At least you have inspired me to consider writing it again. Perhaps when I feel up to doing it again, it will be even better next time. I should have left it on longer but this dam board has a time frame for erasing and if you miss it it stays forever. I was very indecisive all night about posting it. It will have to be when I have a few hours to waste. Thnks for your approval!