A question about those who are disassociated

OUTLAW

When I disassociated myself I just walked out and didn`t come back.I gave the elders no explanation,I just told them not to bother me again,that was in 1974.When I read the posts on this forum,it seems as though some feel the need to give a formal explanation.Why is this ?Are the jws demanding an explanation if you leave?If so why would you go along with this invasion of privacy?I would appreciate it,if someone could bring me up to date on this...THANKS...OUTLAW

Adam

Outlaw, I too left without any notice or formal disassociation letter. But when the elders wanted to talk to me about it, I agreed. I did not change my mind or agree with them that I was doing something wrong, but I still had that feeling in their presence that they were my superiors and still had some hold over me. Mentaly I knew that they were no better or worse than the average Joe on the street, but after 6 years with these people as my rule-makers and authority figures, it's hard to shake the feeling. Like when you get fired or laid off from a job. As soon as you no longer work there, your managers are nothing but ordinary people in regards to their relationship to you. But you still have the feeling of respect or fear or resposibility to them for a while.

Judith

Hi Outlaw.

I had not been an active witness for about 8 or 9 years. I just slowly stopped going back. But I still held the belief that "If there was one right religion, JW's had to be it." Two elders came to the house and said they had a hard time finding me (I had moved about 40 minutes away) and that they wanted to talk with me. Told me that they were not accusing me of doing anything wrong, but I should think about DAing myself or they would have to disfellowship me. Said it would be easier for me to get back into the organization if I ever decided to straighten my ways.

So, being intimidated by "God's Organization" and thinking that I had to do things right towards my God, I agreed to send in a letter DAing myself.

I was almost at the point of reinstatement in September of this year, and beat a hastey retreat when I found out about the changes in so many things and the locking of their doors in New York and then lying about it.

Would I send a letter of DA at this time in my life? NO! I am not intimidated anymore. And I was told this last time back that DA or DF is the same, no difference. So they lied to me about the DA process. Why am I not surprised by that?

J

Thomas Poole

I was irriatated and disgusted when I stood up before about 40 witnesses and exclaimed,

"May I have your attention please! As of now I am no longer associated with the Columbia Heights Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses, and you can take that to the bank!"

Actually I was excommunicating the whole congregation plus the WT per se. I was letting them know I thought they all sucked, pardon the expression.

I was in control, not them. The invasion of privacy was upon them, when I interrupted their meeting with a loud cry of indignation.

I guess when you quit, it's just good to let them know. No messin' 'round 'bout it. I had 40 witnesses, so the elders could not make up a lie as to how it happened, like insinuating some sin I had done by keeping the congregation igornant in how I was no longer a witnesses. Hey, I just quit!!

Judith

WhooooHoooooo Thomas!

Wish I had done that. Hey, wish I had been there when "you did it your way."

JWinSF

For me, it was a self-affirmation to let them know.

I disassociated due to my sexual orientation. I WANTED them to know that I saw nothing wrong with my it and that I was going to [essentially] remove them from part of my life before they could remove me from part of their lives. [They couldn't DF me because up to that time, I'd not acted on my sexual orientation.]

You're correct, that they don't need to know. In my case, I felt much better --- "out of the closet" --- by telling them why I was leaving.

I also told members of the congregation that were close to me [before I'd sent in the letter of dissassociation] why I was planning to disassociate. I didn't "give a rat's ass" about what those who were not close to me would hear. But, I wanted those who were dear to me to hear the truth and not have only the viscious JW rumor mill that was bound to start as the source of their information.

ISP

Hey outlaw...there is no real change. If want to leave you can do so. I know of quite a few who have left and said nothing. Typically they moved out of the area and that was that! However for many of us, including myself...that is not feasible. so you have to put up with elders coming 'round. They are likely to grill you a bit. It depends on the body of elders you have. It may mean you are grilled like Simon was and they DA you. They announce that you are considered DA'd even though you didn't write anything. Others DA themselves because they cannot tolerate the situation. They do this either in writing or verbally to 2 persons. Reasons are not required.

ISP

Simon

I think the concept of 'you writing a letter' to dissassociate yourself is something that the WTS has spread itself for two reasons:

1. Like ISP said, if they announce that someone has dissassociated themself (even if they havn't) and everyone believes that they must have writtena letter then it gives them a way to disfellowship people even if they have not done anything wrong.

2. If they can get people to write a letter it does afford them some measure of legal protection I would have thought.

I would not recommend writing a letter even though I felt like doing it at the time. It really doesn't bother them and means you are sill playing by their rules.

Better to tell as many people as you can about what you have learned and try and save the friends you have (although you may find very few were 'real' friends, just assosciates in the same club).

ISP

Lets not forget the idea of DA'ing is complete and utter garbage. It was introduced to DF Ray Franz....who shared a meal with a person who conscientiously had written to the local congregation to say he did not want to associated with the WTS.

Hastily...the WTS came up with a flash of light to say that to write such a letter was real bad....and therefore if you had contact with such a person...you are to be DF'd! Result Ray got booted.

ISP

zev

i'll give my 2 cents.

i am writing my letter now.
its gonna be a book.

why? circumstances.

i want every elder to know exactly why i am walking away.
exactly all the things that have bothered me. i dont give a rats turd if they actually read it or not. i dont even care if my soon to be ex wife reads it or not. the point is it will be available to them and if they WANT to know the real reasons, then they can read it. it will be detailed, exact issues that i've had, and others discovered thanks to this site and some very good books i have read.

i dont do it as i feel i HAVE to according to THEIR standards.
i do it because I WANT TO. and , if i can afford the copying costs, one will go to every address on my not so secret congregations roster, which happens to include my home phone number, not published and put on this list and distributed to who knows how many people. against my wishes.

i'm going with a bang. i dont give a rat turd either. i want EVERYONE to know how i feel, and their gonna know.

fortunately, i have family to turn to. everyone of my sisters and mum and dad are there for me to turn to. the hard part is walking away from a long marriage. but.....i will survive.

what was the last straw?

the reply i got from the wtbts, ov er the UN scandle. i took much time and effort in my letter to those buffons. what i got back was a blow off form letter.

i'm pissed as hell.

so i'll make sure i hang the bastards with the evidence this time.

this time i wont need a reply, my letter is going to say it all.

and although it may not wake anyone up, i'll have the satisfaction of being able to say, I DID MY BEST.

-Zev
-The "Truth" is out there! TRUST NO ONE!
I WANT TO BELIEVE!

A question about those who are disassociated

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