Pass me the biggest sickbag ever!!!

JEMIMAH

I was given the following by an elder in our congregation Yesterday.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Wanted: Elder for Growing Congregation

A real challenge for the right man! Opportunity to become better acquainted with people! Available
immediately for man who qualifies!

Applicant must offer experience as shop worker, office manager, educator, (all levels, including
college), artist, salesman, diplomat, writer, theologian, children's worker, psychologist, vocational
and guidance counselor, psychiatrist, funeral director, wedding consultant, master of ceremonies,
circus clown, missionary, social worker. Helpful, but not essential: butcher, baker and candlestick
maker!

Must know all about problems of birth, marriage and death; also conversant with latest theories
and practices in areas like pediatrics, economics, sports and nuclear science.

Right man will uphold firm views on every topic, but is careful not to upset people who disagree. Must be forthright but flexible: returns criticism and backbiting with Christian love and forgiveness. Education must be beyond Ph.D. requirements, but always concealed in homespun modesty and folksy talk. Able to sound learned at times, but most of the time talks and acts like a "good old Joe." Familiar with literature read by all in the congregation.

Must be willing to work long hours; subject to call any time, day or night; adaptable to sudden interruption. Will spend at least 25 hours preparing parts; additional 10 hours reading books and magazines.

Applicant's wife must be both stunning and plain; smartly attired but conservative in appearance;
gracious and able to get along with everyone. Must be willing to work in kitchen, possess tact,
baby-sit, wait tables, never listen to gossip, never become discouraged.

Applicants children must be exemplary in conduct and character. Well behaved, yet basically no
different from other children; decently dressed.

Directly responsible for views and conduct to all in the congregation members and visitors; not
confined to direction or support from any one member. Takes all instruction and counsel from the
"faithful and discrete slave." Eagerly follow guidance from the governing body, even though may not
know them personally, but knowing that they are correct. No salary! No overtime pay! Great
Benefits! Must be willing to undergo full investigation to be examined spiritually.

All replies kept confidential

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't they make you sick, and the sad thing is that this elder believes it.

Your green faced poster

Jem

edward gentry

beautiful theory.horrible practise.
The ad should include "must be able to apply inverted
rationalization so as to feel justified in practising
the opposite of that which ordinary human compassion requires".
Now that would be a real organization man.

ashitaka

Must be briliantly devisive.

willy_think

JEMIMAH hi,
you pulled one over on me on your other thread. is this one for real?

Seeker

I see sexism is alive and well in the world of conservative Christianity. Not one word about the man's appearance, and then we get to his wife:

Applicant's wife must be both stunning and plain; smartly attired but conservative in appearance

Uh, fellas, it's the twenty-first century. Let's move beyond the old prejudices, ok?

DIM

incredible how they believe their own hype. very sexist society too - just read some of the "am i ready to get married" articles in the YPA book and you'll be laughing hysterically.

i'm sick and tired of hearing things from uptight-short-sighted-narrow minded hypocritics. all i want is the truth just gimme some truth - John Lennon

wheelwithinwheel

Was he grinnin' ear to ear when he gave it out? If he was then this "modest" jerk must feel he fills the job description quite adequately. If he wasn't he's probably trying to tell you all why he will be stepping down uh... aside

I'll bet he was sporting a foolish grin

This sort of encouragement keeps the good guys from becoming involved and encourages the idiots and the abusers. I know, we got plenty who think they're over-qualified and indispensable around here!

Xena

Sputter..sputter..now that I am done coughing and choking..give me a break!

Right man will uphold firm views on every topic, but is careful not to upset people who disagree

lol no you don't upset them you just d/f them and shun them FOREVER!

Applicant's wife must be both stunning and plain; smartly attired but conservative in appearance;
gracious and able to get along with everyone. Must be willing to work in kitchen, possess tact,
baby-sit, wait tables, never listen to gossip, never become discouraged.

hhhhhmmm NOW I understand why my husband never made elder...lol he had ME for wife!

Eagerly follow guidance from the governing body, even though may not know them personally, but knowing that they are correct.

AKA brainwashed robot

Dan B

"circus clown"

That's pretty accurate. I don't disagree with that at all.

"nuclear science"

Elders I knew were toilet cleaners. Not quite adept at nuclear science.

Dan

serenaj92

This was suppose to be viewed as a joke, come on, do any of the elders have PHDs in any of the mentioned fields like psychology and stuff, no, it was a joke. Besides that, if an elder gave this to you, then he considers you a friend. If you hate everything they do, say, joke about, or represent, then why are you still in the Org? What would that friend say to you if he found out you just make fun of him all the time? Hell, if it was me, and I saw that you made fun of me for everything I said and done, then you would be considered no better than the ones that made me want to quit in the first place. But I don't know you personally, and maybe that aint so bad.

Pass me the biggest sickbag ever!!!

Share this