Journal of a JW - Part 5 of 5

Nosferatu

Part 4 is here: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/152743/1.ashx

June 23/93

Dear Journel,

I officially anounce, this evening. the birth Annette and Howards brand new baby boy. He doesen't have a name yet but I know they have to name before they can take him home. The new person was born at 7 am, I recived the news when I got homeafter work. I floated all the way to the hospital, it was only as I held him, as he fell asleep in my arms, that these rush of feelings filled me. I don't know just what they were but they were strong. I kept wanting to feel someing but I could'nt and I don't know why. I feel ashamed to type that. Knowledge, understanding, realization, responsibilityand other feelings that I could't express because Annette's relatives were there. I think she realized I wanted I wanted to talk so she asked me to come tomarrow after work. I want to but she and I both realize I cant and I wont see the baby after today for the next few months. The sad part is I do want to see the baby again. So much for being the favored aunt, but this is someing I mew would happen from the begining.

Dear Journel,

I realize I should have typed in this sooner but my brain hasen't been there. YOu see there are other things that occupy my mind such as studing and passing my begginers driving test ( this happend on Friday Aug.27/93 at 3:30 pm) and having my first driving lesson this evening at 5pm till 6:30 pm. My brain is fried to say the leased. I never thought that I would be getting my lisence I still can't believe it and I don't know what to do or thing. You know I can't even think. My feelings are all jumbbled and crazy, I feel overwhelmed and confused , scared and grown-up. Grown-up is a good term, a mile stone in life and all that a stone I never thought I would ever reach. The events of the past weeks have left me with the feeling of awe and amasementat myself and the potential of it all. I only hope it has Jehovahs blessings and guidence, only time will tell.

Dear Journel,

There hasen't been a real reason to type in this for a long time but that doesn't mean that alot hasn't happened. I realize that I only type when there is a problem that I can't solve or want to save thoughts of events, not the reason I got this. Last night I went to the ballet for the first time, it was "Sleepng Beauty" and I loved every minute. Lana, from work has agreed to study with me and is making great progress. In the course of a few weeks I have managed to get a sheparding call for Wed. of this week. It's in responce to a request fpr help I made to Br. Navarro when I told him about the child abuse my parents put me throughas a child, they feel one is necessary to help the healing progress. I'm not to crazy about the whole thing and dought if it will do much good but I want to ease their minds so I have agread to go through with it. Good night

Dear Journel,

There is an old sayingthat time flys when your having fun, and that has certaintly been the case since Oct. On Wed. Nov. 17/93 I took and passed my road test, twith only 3 mistakes and almost running over the tester. I then proceeded to float home. Made the decission to quite Doubletex by April....but still haven't found another job. Rebecca asked me to be there when she delivered her baby, which she did on Feb. 14/94 at 11:23 pm after a very long and hard birth. I was the first to hold Jeramy Smith whom I named. On Feb. 17/94 I broke two middle fingers at work ( the detailes of such I don't feel like getting into right now ) and I am on workers commpensation for at least 3 to 5 weeks. Rebecca has agreed to study with me, and I hope to have the 3rd study within the next week. So I will have 2 studies to deal with, both with emotional problems like me. Aurthor and I have been getting into fights or arguements alot lately as there isn't much hope of us getting together in the future. I syill haven't hade the shepardinh call yet and I don't think I will in the future eithor....... So you see that life with me has been anything be dull, in fact I can't keep up with it. I have onlt typed in the facts about what has been happening to me, can you imagine how long this would be if I typed in how I thought and felt about it all? If I had to sum it all up the word I would use would be CONFUSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

bigmouth

This girl describes the feelings of, probably, hundreds of thousands of conscientious Witnesses.

The Organisation rapes them of their time and energy.

As personal matters become neglected, the Witness thinks that more service, more study and more prayer will cause Heavenly Blessings to fix everything.

I hope she got out before feelings of worthlessness killed her.

SirNose586

Poor thing. She needed a real friend and real guidance...not clueless people around her telling what "fixes" the problem (field circus, etc.).

VoidEater

Quite a journey to quite a place...

Hope4Others

So what actually did become of her? Somehow I felt there was more to the story all along............Why do the words Abuse not surprise me! Hope4Others

jayhawk1

Wow.

Nosferatu

- "I hope she got out before feelings of worthlessness killed her."

Sadly, no. She's still a JW. In fact, I wrote a post about her here a couple of years back. She ended up marrying a JW who was 10 years younger than her. The Elders in her cong decided it was a good idea to get involved and tell them to avoid marriage for a while longer, and they refused to perform a wedding ceremony for them.

I believe they had the wedding outside the KH, but got another elder to perform the ceremony. That's the last I've heard.

kwintestal

A very interesting journal. It seems in a fairly short period of time she gained a fair bit of self-confidence and you could see that she was getting more and more, gradually, but was still on the low end.

Thanks for sharing it!

Kwin

Journal of a JW - Part 5 of 5

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