Any ideas on how to reply to my old JW buddy?

AlmostAtheist

Hey All,

I happened upon an old email address for a friend I knew back in my JW days. A very close friend, in fact. He moved away and we largely lost touch, but we never had a falling out of any sort. Being in a nostalgic frame of mind, I sent him a little "You still out there?" sort of note.

Today I got a reply. He also didn't say a whole lot, though there's a definite air of "good to hear from you". In amongst it all was this question:

"When did you get reinstated?"

Yeah... about that.... :-)

Not sure what to say here. The fact is that I DID get reinstated (he's thinking about a previous DF'ing), so I could potentially go over the details of that time. Or I could lay it on the line and let him know that I am currently out with no intentions of coming back.

I of course had hoped that HE was out of the JW's by now and we could have a good laugh over it all. Such is, sadly, not the case...

Any thoughts on a specific reply? Or a general tack to run with?

I'm currently leaning toward ignoring the question altogether and just chatting about this and that. But if he's half the JW he once was, that will set off his spidey-senses like mad.

Hmmmmm.....

Dave

Crumpet

It's a toughie but if you aren't honest now he will consider you treacherous when you do have to fess up or he learns from someone else that you dont attend anymore.

undercover

Well, like we've all said a million times before, friendships in the JW religion are conditional on remaining true to the religion.

If he's really a true friend and thinks for himself, he'll give you a chance. If he's still tied to the bOrg too much, he's gonna shun you at the first mention of being out.

I'd go with the mostly honest route. You could explain that you were reinstated for the first DFing on such-and-such a date but since then you've left the faith and aren't interested in returning. If he shuns you, then so be it...you gave it a shot and you know where you stand with him. If, on the other hand, he continues to correspond, you may have reconnected with a true friend willing to not let religious dogma cloud his judgement of what he knows about you.

Just my two cents...

AlmostAtheist

You're right of course -- gotta be honest. It isn't lying to the bOrg, it's lying to my friend. And I'm not gonna.

I'm thinking of this. Anybody think this is a bad way to go? I'll send it off probably sometime tonight unless there are objections.

Too pushy? Too wishy-washy? Too when-your-little-cult-gets-its-head-out-of-its-*ss-and-lets-you-talk-to-me-I'm-here?

=============================
>> When did you get reinstated?

You knew I was DF'd maybe 6-7 years ago. Well, I was reinstated 5-6 years ago.

What you probably don't know is that almost 4 years ago I started some personal research and came to realize that I just really didn't believe some aspects of the Bible anymore. And as it happens, the parts I found I couldn't believe sort of dovetailed into other parts, and the whole thing just came apart for me. It wouldn't be accurate to say I lost my faith, it's more like I discarded it.

So while I was reinstated back then, I am not one of Jehovah's Witnesses any longer. I'm not anything else, either -- I'm an equal-opportunity non-believer! ;-)

>> Send me your number so I can call.

Yeah.. well, about that... ;-) I can understand the position this puts you in. I had hoped you might not be a JW anymore. But since you are, I understand there are rules about who you can and can't talk to. If you need to keep me out of your circle, I will accept that gracefully. And if the rules are ever changed so that you CAN talk to me, you would always be welcome to get back in touch.

Know this -- your faith is your own and I have no interest or intent to dissuade you from it. If you ask, I'll answer. But I'm not here for anything more than to just reach out and touch an old friend. (That I ran across pictures of you and your wife the other day just sort of sealed the deal!)

So I leave it with you. If you choose to chat, I'm all about it. But if you choose not to, I will understand.
=========================

dawg

Almost, your a smart man, it seems the reply you came up with will suffice... you really can't be too worried that you may lose a friend, maybe yuo can help him see the light... Good luck bro. Huff

darth frosty

I got re-enstated 5 years ago, but I dont attend the hall anymore.

That puts the ball in his court. It lets him assuage his guilt of talking to a DF person, while putting him on notice that you do not attend. How he responds its up to him.

In my opinion I put the burden of friendship and comadrie on them. If you want to test my reasons for not going to the hall so you can classify me as an apostate, thats on you and your ignorance. If you sincerely want to understand or know the reasons(and facts) behind my decisions, I am more than willing to explain my decision and the facts that I based them on. from there you can come to your own conclusions.

Open mind

Sounds great Dave!

I really liked this line:

Know this -- your faith is your own and I have no interest or intent to dissuade you from it. If you ask, I'll answer.

I hope he's got a little bit of free will left.

OM

DanTheMan

Hmmm...I'm pretty sure I know who this old JW buddy is...

I of course had hoped that HE was out of the JW's by now and we could have a good laugh over it all. Such is, sadly, not the case...

If it is who I think it is, then I'm surprised that you would wonder if he'd left the fold by now as JM is one of the last people that I would ever expect to "Turn Apostate".

Yeah.. well, about that... ;-) I can understand the position this puts you in. I had hoped you might not be a JW anymore. But since you are, I understand there are rules about who you can and can't talk to. If you need to keep me out of your circle, I will accept that gracefully. And if the rules are ever changed so that you CAN talk to me, you would always be welcome to get back in touch.

Again, if this is JM we're talking about, then he'll be itching to talk you back into JWism. And you know that he's a tough JW to handle, has the answer to everything.

VoidEater

Hi Dave: I knew you'd come up with better words than i could offer...!

AlmostAtheist

>> I got re-enstated 5 years ago, but I dont attend the hall anymore.

That puts the ball in his court. It lets him assuage his guilt of talking to a DF person, while putting him on notice that you do not attend. How he responds its up to him.

I really like this. It's honest, and it lets him decide how much he wants to know. Very, very nice. I think a rewrite is in order.

Thanks for this.

Dan -- yep, you nailed it, that's him. I'll try my best not to get re-cult-ivated! But when a true warrior for Christ wields his sword, who can stand? ;-)

Dave

Any ideas on how to reply to my old JW buddy?

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