Need some advice

KICKED OUT

I have not been on here in a long time but I have always valued the advice of everyone, so here goes.....I am DFd and my wife has never been a part of the Org. We are getting ready to have our first child in May. My Mother who is now living in Patterson(at one of the motherships) speaks to me every 1 to 2 years. We were very close growing up but when I decided to leave at 18 she did what she thought was right and dishoned me. My wife in the last year lost her mother...so between the 2 of us we have 1 grandparent that is involved(her father), until about 2 weeks ago when my mother called my wife and said she would like to come after the pregnancy and help my wife during the day while i am at work, then b4 I get home she will leave to stay the night with some JWs. I was wondering if anyone has dealt with this and how I should. Even if you havent dealt with it I would like to hear some advice. Thanks in advance.

daniel-p

First of all, welcome to JWD. About your situation... I personally would be a little upset that my mother would want to see my non-JW wife and OUR kid, but not me, because I was DF'd. It's your family, not hers. She removed herself from your life when she disowned you. But here she wants back in so she can be involved with her new grandchild. It's this kind of stuff that makes me furious. I don't have any advice for you, because you know your mother better than I do. However, I think you have the right to be a little ticked off. Good luck on everything.

Nathan Natas

I would tell her to go to hell.

KICKED OUT

I think alittle piece of me wants to hold onto the chance of her turning around and being apart of my life....to be honest I am not mad at her, I am angry at the religion that has her brainwashed.

Witness 007

Let her in dude, it could lead to bigger things in the future...one thing I've learnt the hard way is when you burn bridges you realize one day that your all alone...and you would do anything to have those loved ones throw you a line back....at the least, it would be good for your wife and daughter...and mother.

KICKED OUT

My initial thought is to let her in, but i dont know if I am doing the rite thing....hence the start of this thread....please keep the advice commin

AK - Jeff

I think I would tell her this:

Mom, I love you.

But you elected to show conditional love to me when I made my own decision regarding religion in my life. I did not reject you. You rejected me. I am open to reconciliation - but I am not open to your continued treatment of me as 'evil', while building a relationship with my children, and my wife.

You can't have it both ways. My family is part of me, and my new life. If you wish to be part of my life, including my family, it will include me. Or no dice. The choice is yours. I have no anger towards you - only toward a religion that believes that tearing families apart over a member deciding to leave the religion is not only acceptable, but required to gain God's favor.

Please let me know when we can discuss this as mature, responsible adults.

lesterd

Transference, thats the word for it..the nature love that she took away from you is now going to be poured out on you child, it is complicated, because it becomes a matter of choices on your part. Depending on where your head and heart are, you can hope the forgiveness you would show her in letting her help with the baby would open her eyes as to what she is doing to you, if it is only a ploy to make your child a new convert, then I would say no. If she can love her son whom she can see, how can she love Jehovah who she can't? Who has the greater love, you or her? If we wanted to apply what Christ said about causing divison in families then divorce to an unbleiving mate would be advocated, it is not. Those divison are mentioned with all the signs of the time of the end, thats when families will split because of beliefs, and no one knows that time but Jehovah. The preumptousness of the WTS to divide families places a huge blood guilt on them. Our hearts tell us what our God expects on us as individuals, just as an earthly father expects diferent things from each of his individual children, never asking more than they can do.

lesterd

Transference, thats the word for it..the nature love that she took away from you is now going to be poured out on you child, it is complicated, because it becomes a matter of choices on your part. Depending on where your head and heart are, you can hope the forgiveness you would show her in letting her help with the baby would open her eyes as to what she is doing to you, if it is only a ploy to make your child a new convert, then I would say no. If she can't love her son whom she can see, how can she love Jehovah who she can't? Who has the greater love, you or her? If we wanted to apply what Christ said about causing divison in families then divorce to an unbleiving mate would be advocated, it is not. Those divison are mentioned with all the signs of the time of the end, thats when families will split because of beliefs, and no one knows that time but Jehovah. The preumptousness of the WTS to divide families places a huge blood guilt on them. Our hearts tell us what our God expects on us as individuals, just as an earthly father expects diferent things from each of his individual children, never asking more than they can do.

KICKED OUT

Jeff that is incrediable advice and I may take you up on that,and steal your words. One other thing that is on my mind is if she could just see how I have become a man(havent seen her in 8 years), not some derilic druggie that picks up women and gambles my life away. I am a great husband and a hard worker and I live for my family and my soon to be born son, and i have a great love and faith for God and his son, but not in a crazy way like them. Please keep the advice comming

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