Elder's Wife Apologizes In Tears for Shunning Me Yesterday

by Seeker4 38 Replies latest jw friends

  • minimus
    minimus

    Dave, you're (un)lucky I can post this. You should feel impressed that the guy with the funny name, oh yeah , Seeker3 or something, puts you in the same category. I already said he was smart and he was just showing it. So take the compliment and leave what's his name alone.

  • deeskis
    deeskis

    Good on you S4

    your post made me feel sad and happy too! It's agonizing thinking about what cults make their members do in the name of the truth.....I'm glad your friend stepped out of the sheepish mindset, even if just for a little while...

    best wishes

    D :)

  • cognac
    cognac

    I think most people feel somethings not right about it... how could anyone not feel wrong when shunning somebody???

  • Seeker4
    Seeker4

    Thanks for all the comments.

    Hey, Cognac - Glad to hear from you, and welcome! They kind of gave you crap when you came here, but I was rooting for you. Where in MA are you? I'm in Vermont, just up I91 from MA. PM me. Actually, I may know you. I gave lots of talks in MA congregations, and spoke at the district conventions down there in Springfield many, many times.

    Homer - I would LOVE it if they started lovebombing me! There is about as much danger of me returning to the JW fold as of me becoming 11 again! But, the opportunity to talk to a JW, that would be something. I can be VERY persuasive in an argument.

    But, there is little danger of lovebombing. I'm sure I'm considered a very dangerous person by the local congregation. Ed was the one I handed an eight page letter to when I was invited to a committee meeting after having been out of the congregation for 6 years. You can find the letter on my list of threads, as I posted it here and it has been bttt many times. Ed knows very well what I believe.

    Dave: I've met Min, and he's not that bad. Just remember that in every conversation he will ask three questions like: Have You Ever Got It On With the DO's Wife on the Roof of the Assembly Hall While She Was Sunbathing During the Sunday Talk? He's only allowed three questions a day, so tough it out. I don't think that was the sister - I'll PM you with the name.

    A couple of the comments got me thinking. Min was right, I was well liked in my congregation, and in lots of congregations for that matter. My ex told me that when the CO told an elder in the northern part of the state who knew me well that I had left the Witnesses, the elder pulled his car off the road and cried. I hear a lot of those stories. A former elder friend, who gave up being an elder to pursue a career as a psychologist, yet still remained a Witness, recently told my wife that he missed me because I was the only brother he could ever talk freely with - and boy, we sure had some amazing conversations over the years.

    I think it scares people to see someone who leaves the Witnesses and doesn't immediately end up in the gutter. That's the myth we were told.

    It would have been so much easier on me if I had just moved out of this area. I still struggle when I walk into the local supermarket, knowing I may very likely run into an old Witness "friend." Yet, I wonder how my staying here is affecting people, as someone mentioned. In the time since I left the JWs, I've become the editor of this area's most popular and widely read weekly, I have a very successful writing career, I've been living for 3.5 years with a beautiful woman who is an artist/athlete, I'm in the best physical shape I've been in in 20+ years, and I walk around with a smile on my face and a relaxed approach to life, very well known and liked in the community at large.

    When Tina came into the living room, I was just standing there, relaxed and smiling. There was sort of this moment of recognition for me in that event where I figured out that I was probably more comfortable and at ease with myself and the situation than most Witnesses I run into. And I am still surprised how many active JWs stop and talk to me, or at least smile and say hi.

    It was a moment, for sure!

    S4

  • faundy
    faundy

    I think it's great she came back to talk to you, and she realised she shouldn't have ignored you in the first place. Wish I knew more people who did that- most of my old friends ignore me without ever coming back.

  • worldtraveller
    worldtraveller

    running into a DF'd person and shunned them, even though it didn't feel right. If I may, could I ask Dagney a question? Why did you do it?

    Who told you you HAD to shun any DF'd person?. I am trying to understand where this awful practice came about. Thank you in advance.

  • tula
    tula

    A very touching story.

    When your character shines through (helping an ex wife and still having good communication) how can someone feel justified to behave in a cold way to you?

    Do you think she shunned you at first because of her husband being in the room and she had to "behave accordingly"?

  • AudeSapere
    AudeSapere
    There was sort of this moment of recognition for me in that event where I figured out that I was probably more comfortable and at ease with myself and the situation than most Witnesses I run into.

    Therein lies some of our greatest power. Takes awhile for most of us to get to that point.

    Thanks soo much for sharing this experience with us.

    -Aude.

  • Layla33
    Layla33

    Great story, I never truly practiced that anyway, but I remember one time when I was 16 and working at a Sear department store, I was heavy in the religion, although the seeds of discontent had been created and I found out that the tailor in our department was a DF'd man. I was shocked because he knew I was a JW, he and I and some of our other coworkers had been out after work more than a few times and he never once said anything. And I absolutely adored him, he was a crack up. And when I found out, the next day I had to work with him, and I thought, "why should I ignore him? I like him! He's done nothing to me." And I remember going into work happy, smiling to myself because I decided to do what I believed was right and not what some idiots on a podium told me to do.

  • Seeker4
    Seeker4

    " And I remember going into work happy, smiling to myself because I decided to do what I believed was right and not what some idiots on a podium told me to do."

    Layla - you got it right there, for sure!

    S4

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