If not for the 'truth' I'd be a serial killer

coolhandluke

Let me explain that.

I think humans go through these phases where we see things and experience things that begin to callouse our minds. My dad is an amazing dichotomy of loving and violent. I know that he has killed people in self defense. I have watched him stab people for making him feel threatened. This same man will cry at sad movies, hug and kiss me when we see each other. Odd. I think the attraction to my mom was for much the same reason. My mother can be extremely heartless, calculating, ruthless to a fault, hard as a coffin nail. At the same time she gets her feelings hurt so easily.

If my mom had not gone back into her childhood religion when I began to talk I'd most assuredly have been raised selling/cooking drugs, stabbing people, hurting people with little regard for inhibitions. My mom has this innate sense of justice and I think she transferred it to me. The JW programming seems to keep in check this feeling that appears in the back of my mind when it is transgressed. The feeling isn't a feeling so much as a color. Red. The times that it appears feel good. It feels warm and I almost always want to give into it. There are days where I thank my mother profusely for the man that she taught me to be instead of the man that she could have allowed me to be.

Besides college educated what would you be or not be if not for 'the truth'?

MissingLink

Luke - I think this oversimplifies things. There aren't just 2 options. If it weren't for "the truth" you mother may have still been a good person, she may have sought another environment to provide positive influences on you.

coolhandluke

im pretty sure if not for 'the truth' my mom would have killed herself. she has tried before. it gives her something to hope for. that is why i dont try to take it from her. i guess i'm just talking about tendancies for bad. i have them in droves. the things that keep me on this side of that equation have to do with being trained as i was. imho.

Satanus

Imo,

we all have a killer inside us. Anyone who has looked at their dark side may have seen it. We have that, as much as we have the lover. Those are archtypes. Although we can recognize our potential to kill, we don't need to give in to it.

It's true that some people are better off being a jw, than they would be without it. It's an institutional life, though except for the kinghall, mags, etc, the institution's walls are invisible, and always there, 24/7. For some people, it helps them to function in the semicivilized society that we have become.

S

ex-nj-jw

My unfortunate JW upbringing has nothing to do with the person I've become. I give no credit to that organization for anything except having a miserable childhood and I wouldn't wish being raised in that organization on my worst enemy.

nj

Crumpet

I think it depends on who your parents were before they became JWs really. Lots of misfits and vulnerables end up as JWs. We all know the stories from the articles and at conventions of desperate homeless drug addicted killing prostituting hit men/women who were about to kill someone/take that final heroin hit/rob an old lady when they get the "truth". The org is full of people who feel like they don;t belong anywhere else. It cultivates that and it also draws them in. I don't think any of my parents bible studies were members of "normal" society. They were fringe people.

My parents wouldnt have met if it were not for the borg. But I frequently wonder how it would have been if my dad had not been a JW. I think he would have joined some other religion though - he is an aspirationalist, a romantic, a sentimentalist and a spiritual man. I think to have grown up without the hell of knowledge that they would shun me when I left and that when it happened it was going to be 100 times more torture than I could have imagined, to have grown up knowing I would be loved no matter what - then I think I'd be a much more rounded person now and be achieving my dreams. I'd probably be married to a lovely man, with children, living an eco friendly lifestyle in a beach hut somewhere, writing articles for a living.

GoddessRachel

I can see what you are saying, CoolHandLuke. I am glad you are able to see good things from your upbringing. I have recognized the good things in my upbringing as well. That is not to say there weren't some f*cked up things that happened, but who doesn't have that? It sounds like your situation is a bit more extreme than others. But I don't doubt its truthfulness. You strike me as a brutally honest person.

I cannot even fathom what I would be if it were not for "the truth". I just don't even know what my life would have looked like. I guess I won't even personally entertain the thought, because it's a what-if scenario that won't personally benefit me or anyone I know. I will reflect on what was good about my childhood when I'm feeling particularly bad about the JW's tearing my family apart.

Peace,

Rachel

tall penguin

I always thought I would've ended up a high-class escort if not for the "truth". Not even sure why.

tall penguin

coolhandluke

I always thought I would've ended up a high-class escort if not for the "truth". Not even sure why.

i'd patronize that service.

nomoreguilt

I have been an avid student and reader of Ann Rule, along with many other writers. From the information that I have studied, I , too, could have been or can still be a serial killer. I have many of the early on-set traits, it's just a matter of someone pushing the right button......Hey! Who knows?

I am however, a very well balanced person. I am always in complete control of myself. But, no. I don't believe that having been a jw has any effect on whether someone will do or more criminal acts. After all, what about the PEDOPHILES!!!!!!! It didn't prevent them from KILLING young people's development years, did it??

NMG

If not for the 'truth' I'd be a serial killer

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