JUST FINISHED talking to my dad, & wow, what a door knob he is.

by Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit 10 Replies latest jw friends

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  Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

  Sorry to put it that harshly. I posted previously that I wrote my parents a heart-felt letter, an after-months-of-fighting-letter, my dad responded, I wrote back 2 times and he didn't respond for 2 and a half weeks. So yesterday, I called him to ask if he got my last two emails and he was short with me and nervous and wierd, I don't know why I expected different.

  Today he called back to say how sorry he was for being short and nervous and wierd, that he was up all night because he was rude and he knew it, his words. Anyways, I kept my cool while he told me that nothing has changed, they are still 'loyal to the faithful slave although they're not perfect, even Paul was reprimanded for not eating with certain people. . .' then he started to preach to me, but only because he doesn't know any other words. . .so I said, 'you know pop, unless you want to hear what I believe. . .' and he said 'no'.

  Anyways, after he told me about the rest of the family that they won't speak to-sister, their sisters, grandkids, etc, I said, I noticed that you said you follow the faithful slave, if you followed Jehovah, you would have love for people, your kids and grandkids even if they're not your religion, and he said that I just don't get. Hellllloooooo! I so get it.
• 

  Sparkplug

  if you followed Jehovah, you would have love for people, your kids and grandkids even if they're not your religion, and he said that I just don't get. Hellllloooooo! I so get it.

  Great point. I like how you put that.
• 

  flipper

  PIONEER SPIT- I'm sorry you are going through this with your dad and family . I know how it feels - I too have a lot of witness family that disses me too. Remember your dad is under " cult mind control". He is really hindered to use any critical thinking ability at all. All they think about is talking " witness speak".
  
  If I may make a suggestion I am trying with my 21 year old witness daughter . I learned this from that " Combatting Cult Mind Control " book from Steve Hassan . It seems that your dad has some emotion flowing there as he expressed regret on how he acted somewhat towards you . When he made that statement to you he was " very briefly " out of the witness mind control even for a second - because he was talking about something non-witness . Then as if by magic- they slip back into the " witness cult " speaking form again . My suggestion to you is when you talk with your dad again some time - bring up happy times you and him shared in the past not involving the witness experience. Anything. Camping trips in the past, golfing, going to a ballgame , any good or positive experience you have done with your dad " outside the witness experience " . It will kick into his mind happy times he remembered which were NOT associated with the witnesses . Just a thought that might help you . It just might work getting his mind on another track gradually .
  
  And , don't be pushy, just do it ever so subtly, gradually so he won't know you are doing this. I hope it works for you. I'm trying these techniques on my witness daughter, so we will see what happens . If you have any questions about what I read in the book- feel free to PM me. Good luck, and Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

  THanks all. Good point Flipper, I tried this and there was some success. My third email I sent was simply a picture of the carousel at Pier 39 in SF, where we visited often when I was a child, and that my husband and I visited last year, and I wrote "Remember this. . .?"

  He brought it up in the short awkward conv yesterday, said he didn't recognize where it was, when I told him and that I remembered it fondly, and I think it stunned him, he said 'oh' and then was silent for a few seconds. . .

  I might keep trying, I might forget they're alive. He said they will not even celebrate their 50th Anniversary with anyone because 'the whole family can't be together. . .'

  They're all shameful and mean.
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  flipper

  PIONEER SPIT - I know, they can be very cruel . But I sense with your dad , from what you say , he has some of the original non-witness good personality lurking deep within still. Keep trying on him gradually. Don't get dissappointed if it does not work right away ! It takes time. I'm finding that out with my daughter. I wish the best for you ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
• 

  gymbob

  Pio spit,

  that sounds just like me about 5 years ago......

  Since then we haven't spoken. Dubs say, "well YOU chose to leave your family, we're still here for you"

  They just don't get it......hugs, Gymbob
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  Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

  Flipper, I'll consider trying that patience thing. My dad's 72, who knows how much time we have. Talking to him made me realize the truth of what you said Gymbob, they want to part ways, they say that it's us breaking up with them by our decision, but it's them.

  That was sort of what I wanted to accomplish, I wanted to make nice, try to restore our relationship and have him call it off. Previously, it was more of a fight and a continuous heated email exchange, and that needed to end. Now, he has really cut me off because I don't obey the 'faithful slave'.

  BTW, he was also disappointed that I have become close with the grown grandchildren--my nieces and nephews-- that he has cut off too. We'll all make it through this together and the JWs won't like that. They can't stand to see people like us caring for one another.
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  White Dove

  That's hard. I don't know how it will go with my dad and sister. I need to tell them but feel like they don't need that kind of heartache right now. I'm not sure how to handle it, but Flipper gave some good ideas. Take it slowly and just focus on happy non-JW stuff for now. I'm going to try it.
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  worldtraveller

  You should say- - no dad you chose to shun me like a school kid, but I am here for you if you need me or come to Christ. Sounds better?
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  wings

  Wow, so sorry. It is unbelieveable (in the real world) how they give ABSOLUTELY NO VALIDITY to any thinking outside of the borg. Of course we are not talking about the real world.

  Mr. Flipper, you have some very good points. There is so much to talk to a loved one about besides the differences in beliefs. It is easy to get offended by them, but a much better place to be when you can resist that and find a pathway through it. For a daughter I am sure it is easier than for a father, especailly if you are raised in the borg. However, not impossible, just harder.

  I have a door knob FIL, he can be so hard. My SIL is easy for me to be patient with, my husband is hard.