how to help a loved one

by FlyAway2 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • Abandoned
    I know it's bad because I ask what she wants to do in life, her hopes, her dreams, and she says "cease existing".

    She needs to deal with THAT before you can hope to have anything. If I were you, I'd sit down at a time that's calm for both of you and tell her that you want to talk about something serious. Start out by telling her how much you love her and then let her know that "cease existing" as a goal is something she should get help for. If she agrees, you may have something here. If she doesn't, I think you're in for a rough rode ahead.


    I just read your latest entry. I guess I don't understand why her watching a religious program is making you so upset. Forgive me if I'm being rude, but it sounds like you want to control her. That doesn't ever work. If she knows that watching those programs pushes your buttons then there you have it. Why would you want to be with someone who pushes your buttons. On the other hand, if she is just confused about her spirituality, then are you ready for that ride? You can't tell her what to do or make her believe this or that. Her journey may bring her back into the cult and then back out again. There's no way to say. If you aren't ready for that or no you don't want that, then you need to have the frankest talk you can and make a decision.

  • FlyAway2

    I appreciate your response to my posts, and just wanted to clarify myself. No, I am not seeking "control" over her. I do not wish to tell her what she can and can't do. I just don't want to see her go back to something that has hurt her so terribly. I have listened to the bargaining turn to threats from her family, I have watched her toss and turn at night reliving the abuse, I have seen the fear spring forth when someone offers her the help that she herself asks for. She wants to break free, but at the same time it's like she doesn't. That is something that as an "outsider" I do not understand, and not understanding is what frustrates me. All I know is that the religion was not good for her. There are other private issues on her part that I am not bringing up for discussion, but even if she chose to return, her health and well-being would still only go downhill because she would be forced to ignore and not deal with those issues which are in dire need of attention -- for her sake. Treatment for those things are something I can offer her in the outside world, and she wants that. All in all, I'm just looking for a resolution because as it stands right now, whether she returns or stays with me, she'll be on a downward spiral either way. I just want to help her.

  • Abandoned
    I just want to help her.

    And if she refuses help?

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