really need some help please

by Erichhhhhhhhh 34 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Erichhhhhhhhh

    Hey everyone, my name is Erich and I'm 19 and I have just suffered a break up with my jehovahs witness girlfriend. We dated for over two years and we recently broke up. I broke up with her because she was sad that she wasn't true to her religion and I felt terrible I was keeping her from it. I thought it would be best that way and I was fine with everything. Just recently, she took a trip to Croatia and this is where I just started to lose it. When she returned, I knew something was wrong. Later on after pleeding with her for hours she finally told me. While she was away, she got drunk at a bar and lost her virginity to a random 26 year old guy.( didn't even know his name!)This deeply saddened me because when we were in our relationship, she told me she wanted to wait till marriage for sex and I completely understood and respected her decison. She betrayed me and it hurt. On top of that, she continued to tell me that two days later she went to a club and gave another random guy oral sex and this time she wasn't drunk. Just when I thought that was it, she finally finished by telling me that she had sex with her new boyfriend over there(that is not a jehovahs witness) 4 times. I was in shock. This girl was the sweetest girl I have ever met and we had such a good relationship. When we broke up I complelty understood and wanted her to be happy. How could she do this to me?!?!?! I never did anything wrong and I aways cared for her. I never really got over her and am still in love with her. It is like she just went crazy. After all this happened I hung out with her because she was upset and she told me she didn't know why she did it and she's sorry for hurting me. I am so lost and confused and I really need some guidence and help. She told me she was in love with this guy from croatia and didn't love me anymore. I broke up with her because of her religion and so she'd be happy and she backstabbed me. She killed me inside and I'm broken and dont know what to do. Please give me advice....

  • Confucious


    I actually feel your pain.

    My advice is to just move on.

    What will help you is knowing that JW for the most part are confused people.

    We are a repressed people and our minds are constantly fighting with our heart.

    In short, your ex gf is probably as perplexed as you.


  • JK666


    I am sorry that you have to go through all this emotional pain. It is good that you found out about her before your relationship progressed any further. If she is a whore in Europe, she will be a whore after she gets back, and she would whore around on you after you would have gotten married.

    So move on in peace, and find someone worthy of love and devotion. Try to stay away from JW chicks, they are bad news.


  • cognizant dissident
    cognizant dissident

    Hey JK666! I resemble that remark!

    Seriously though, JW teens and young people, men and women have been taught to repress their sexual feelings and urges from toddler hood when their parents freak out on them for putting their hand in their diaper and touching themselves! So yes, they are very sexually repressed and very guilty. They are not allowed to masturbate to relieve the tension either without loads of guilt put on them for this.

    The result of all this unnatural repression and guilt, is that the first time they get away from home, their parents, their congregation, they often go a little nuts and behave worse than the "worldly" people who they so love to condemn! I have seen it time and time again.

    Still, it was very cruel and unnecessary for her to fill you in on all the gruesome details like that. JW's can also be very self-absorbed. It is all about "them".

    I would move on, if I were you and count yourself lucky. Better that she did this now, then after she was married and had a few kids. I've seen that a lot too, by both men and women.

    Hold out for a woman who is confident in her sexuality, guilt-free, and ready for a committed relationship with one person.


  • R.Crusoe

    My advice is that she is young and wants to explore her life and sexuality and have some fun in life! As you can tell it is easier for a woman to make this decision and then go live it than for many guys who can't so easily just go get a woman! So maybe think about whether you are truly wanting a life of sex within marriage or whether you want to learn about yourself and sex too before getting serious at some future time. I'm not asking if you're looking for a woman who values a sex within marriage arrangement but whether you do - it is a significant difference realising what you want from your own life that helps you understand it and yourself better than you already do.

    If you want to have some open relationships go out with that in mind but don't pressure yourself and maybe save for a holiday with friends to explore life and have fun and hopefully women. Give yourself a timescale of a few years to try out your ideas and life. If I were your age the sooner I got laid the better just to free up the mind and inhibitions but that's for you to work out!

    Being in a place of rejection and oppression which you cannot help but be in when in the circumstance you describe is like being in a religion when you feel weak and depressed - you become a slave to it and under its total control - you need to break free and liberate yourself and learn what enjoyment and fun is! Even though it wont last you will see how life is less serious than it feels right now when you make a move to do something you actually enjoy!

    Just my thoughts and opinion but your choice and as always take precautions and play safe but if I were in your position I would tell myself to get advice from friends and not let the worry of risks stop you enjoying life! Basically you don't want to get a woman pregnant and you dont want unwanted diseases! So in some ways if you know the girls your age it may be simpler to feel safer but again its your call! Work it out as a fun thing to try and stop worrying about lifes problems and girls who aren't ! Your ex isn't worrying - she's already taken the decision to make that move! So you either do the same or decie to wait for someone who is all about sex within marriage! It's really about what you as a young guy want out of life over the next 10 years befor ethinking about a married life! Or maybe you want a married life now just like I got!! I can tell you I wouldn't advise it to my worst enemy!! Again just my experience!

    Hope you find some of it useful! Take your time, chill out and have fun! In a few years start worrying but please quite for now! What I'd give to be 19 again!! But I know your problem! You need my middle aged brain on your body! At 17 I was as nervous as a boy could get at your age around women - scared to death of getting naked etc and how she might think I was unattractive and not hung well enough or whateva. Every problem I could think of would stop me doing what I really wanted to - especailly religion and especially my own poor view of my own body - but like everything you need to decide what you want and not be afraid of doing things even when unsure so long as the long term consequences aren't gonna hit you! At my age I'm looking worn but have more confidence ! You will be fresh as a daisy with maybe less confidence? Your advantage is you can change and get both and I cant Start learning fast, start mixing with some cool friends - intelligent and caring but cool, and let life happen! If you don't want to jump in with women maybe get in shape or improve it and help yourself feel better about yourself. Maybe do both - but do it!

    Good luck and I hope 2 years from now you feel you've lived a little and can see more of how life can be fun and less serious in order to get you to that place where it can start to become serious with trust without it messing you up so bad!! In some ways I respect your girl for telling you the truth! Imagine if she hadn't and even married you and you found out later when you had kids? That would really do you lasting damage ! When all your friends on the street are out riding their bikes its definitely no fun sitting in the window and watching - not for me anyway! Your move!

    Alternatively go knockin on doors and keep hoping God answers but don't hold your breath!

  • jgnat
    How could she do this to me?!?!?!

    She didn't do it to you, she did it to herself. This girl does not know herself or why she does what she does. If she can't understand it, then how can she explain it to you?

    It doesn't matter how much you love her, she's rejected you. That's what hurts so bad.

    You are allowed to grieve the loss of your dream with her for a while, and even get mad over her rejection.

    But in the final analysis, I think it was the right choice to break up with her. Even if it is breaking your heart right now.

  • DJK
    She didn't do it to you, she did it to herself. This girl does not know herself or why she does what she does. If she can't understand it, then how can she explain it to you?

    I agree with jgnat.

    Don't try to understand as it will only make it harder to except and move on. The pain will heal and you will eventually agree that is was for the best.

  • unique1

    Honestly, I know TONS of JW girls that did this. They would wait, then mess up and go all the way once and turn into a free for all buffet. It is because they are taught to never speak of sex, to never think of it, to never ever let it tempt you so when they do finally have sex they usually feel bad and dirty, like they let God down. After a day or two of feeling guilt, they usually turn and say well God is already mad at me, I am going to die at Armageddon anyway, might as well have fun doing it and they screw any decent looking guy to come around. Admittedly this reasoning is faulty but they are brainwashed.

    Sorry you were hurt. I hope you are able to find a girl that will appreciate you more next time. For her, let her go, she is on a downward spiral now. She may bounce back, but not all do.

  • mouthy

    Welcome friend to the board. As Granny on board I would like to answer your question.

    Run away from her. Love covers a multitude of sin I know ....But your the one that will be hurt in the end. Firstly because she will want you to be a JW. And if you do become one you lose your soul to a false prophet. Believe me I was one for 25 yrs & made 10 people JWS ...It is easy to convert someone if they have the love your having for her.
    I wouldnt even let her confide in you about her "sins" I do feel sorry for her ,because she was sexually repressed., So she "let it all hang out" in another country where she couldnt get seen (BY JWS)
    If you believe in GOD. KNOW that your being warned by HIM!!!! If you dont believe let this old granny warn you to stay away from trouble ....she left her mind at the door of the Kingdom Hall.

    Good Luck my friend. (((((HUGS))))

  • Dismembered

    Run Erichhhhhhhhhhh Run,

    You'll be doing yourself a favor.


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