Let me qualify this by saying I'm refering mainly to the traditional mainstream JWs. I ackowledge there are decent JWs that participate on these boards who are questioning some of the Society's policies and practices and say as much on these forums.
It doesn't matter what they call it, due to the indoctrination, in a typical cong everybody guages how "theocratic" they are against everyone else. And everyone knows they are being rated by everyone else too. So although the WT will come up with a new handle and maybe even appear to "lighten" up a little re the treatment of dfed family members, and even if the Society advises congs to treat kinder those trying to be reinstated, the natural tendancy of the r&f is to notice how perhaps some particular family doesn't seem to be as "strong in the truth" as others because the dfed member of that family isn't coming back and yet is treated to a normal family relationship anyway. Well, that isn't very theocratic. The theocratic way is to be civil, but to be treated as part of the world. And if it's certainly obvious they AREN'T coming back don't bother forming too close of a relationship because the END is just around the corner and they're not gonna make it anyway. When the family takes a "tough love" approach they are deemed more theocratic. "That poor family! They certainly are making quite a sacrifice for the sake of their theocratic principles, sure must be tough on them. What a fine example they are in following their bible-trained conscience...blah, blah...."
In general, JWs are obsessed with how they are viewed by others in the cong. What JW hasn't heard this many times while, especially while growing up, the "how would this make us look to our brothers and sisters" routine, and this attitude sticks with them and certainly affects how dfeds are treated.
Mile 0