Hello Jxxx & Gxxxxxx, my sons. You were teens when I had to leave because of a conscience crisis and now you are in your 40’s. I was too young and / or immature at the time to tell you that I truly loved you despite the fact that I was leaving a faith that I raised you to believe in. That was 30 years ago.
This open letter is not about that -- not about your faith or my faith. I totally understand your faith’s imposition of its shunning policy – I’ve been there. It’s about my love for the both of you. It’s always been there – and it will continue.
Time, however, is passing and I can accept that. I’m fortunate enough to say that I don’t have some terminal illness or anything like that. I simply don’t want to accept the fact that you won’t ever hear me tell you how I’ve always felt about you. Perhaps this open letter, and the fact that I suspect that somehow, some day, your curiosity will get the best of you, that you will search for my name, Leonard R. Miller, Camden, Arkansas – and you and these thoughts of mine will meet.
As time passes I’m hoping Google, or some other Search tool, will allow you to somehow find this expression of my feelings. It’s not direct, I know. I also know what you’ve been instructed to do if you received anything directly by me so here we are – this indirect approach.
To son Jxxx.
J, it’s been nearly three years since that single incident where I surprised you. We were on a road trip through the Midwest and happened through your town where we visited kinfolk and friends. Your cousin actually encouraged me to go up to your house. I’m glad I did. It was a brief visit that couldn’t have lasted more than 20 minutes and I couldn’t help ask all those questions. I know it looked like I was prying – where are you working, what’re your hobbies, what are your future plans? That’s what a dad does. I’ll treasure that few minutes and the snapshot you let me take of you and your wife, L. I even made some journal notes then so I wouldn’t forget the moment. Here’re a few of them:
As Judy and I slowly approached their house I saw a man handling some type of machine on the house’s SW corner. I told Judy to wait in the car and got out, suspecting that could be J, but couldn’t tell for certain even as I got closer. After all, it’s been some 27 years.
The man was beginning to create downspout drainage ditches with a hand-held trencher. “I’m J -- Can I help you?”
I was flabbergasted. Yes, I suspected it could be J but was not convinced until he actually introduced himself.
After I apologized for startling him by coming from behind, I announced, “I’m Len (pause) Len Miller”.
He, without much hesitation, “You’re my Dad, aren’t you?” Then, without another pause while studying the top of my head, “I guess my hair shouldn’t recede too much more if yours is any indication.”
That was the indicator that I was somewhat welcome and he proceeded to invite me to his back patio but apologized that he was locked out of the house while wife L temporarily had the car (and the keys to the house). ….
One final thought, J. I’m here, some 75 miles south of where you live. Call me. Ask directions. If you phone or stop by, it will be kept confidential if that is your wish.
To son Gxxxxxx.
G, it’s been a year and a half since our only family business in the past 30 years. It wasn’t the most pleasant setting, the funeral of your brother M’s wife B, my daughter-in-law. I’ll still treasure that brief period when I could catch up with you and your family’s progress with life in general. I’m especially proud how you took M, a non-JW, under your wing in his time of grief – and since then, in his recovery period.
I’ve always agreed with him that living close to you could be opportunity for a re-bonding between the two of you. You were very close as kids.
As with J, I was eager to learn as much as I could about some of your visions for the future, and the role of that brand new workshop. You have a bright mechanical mind and that makes my heart proud. Plus, much, much more. We just didn’t have the time.
As with my offer to J, I’m here, G.
Ps: This also goes for you -- Grandson W, Grandson A, and granddaughter M. I know a lot about you thanks to uncle F. It's not enough. I’ve never met or hugged you so here’s a virtual hug for all of you [[[[[HUG]]]]].
To son Mxxxxxx (a.k.a. Fxxxx).
F, it’s probably been a day or two since we’ve talked and I’m so very proud and pleased with that fact. This open letter to J and G can never diminish my continued love for you as well.
Len Miller