Three sisters ages 72, 74, and 76 live in a house together. One night the 76 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs “was I getting in or out of the bath?”. The 74 year old yells back “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.” She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then she yells “was I going up the stairs or down?” The 72 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door”.
During the Klondike gold rush, a prospector came down from the mountains into a little one horse town. Finding a saloon, he says to the saloon keeper “Give me a bottle of whiskey and a woman!” The saloon keeper explains to the prospector that there are no women in this town, but some should arrive soon. “Well what can I do for some pleasure around here?” inquired the prospector. If you really feel you must, there’s Old Joe. He said, pointing to a toothless old man sitting near the end of the bar. “No way” said the prospector “I don’t go for that kind of sex.” He took his bottle of whiskey and left. One year later the prospector came back to the same saloon, walking up to the bar he shouts “A bottle of whiskey and a woman!” To which the saloon keeper says. “No women have arrived yet but Old Joe is still here.” Grabbing the whiskey he storms out of the saloon saying “I don’t go for that kind of sex!” Well it’s one year later and the prospector returns to the saloon, nervous and shaky he pleads to the saloon keeper for a bottle of whiskey and a woman. The saloon keeper again explains there is plenty of whiskey on hand, but that no women have arrived in town yet. “But Old Joe is still here.” he says motioning towards the old man sitting at the end of the bar. “I don’t go for that kind of sex.” Replied the prospector. Exasperated, the prospector starts drinking his whiskey. When about half of the bottle is gone he calls the bartender over and asks “If I should decide to fuck Old Joe, who all would know about it?” The bartender says “I’ll know about it, and so will those six big lumber jacks playing poker at the table over there.” “Why do they have to know?” asked the prospector. “You will need all six of them to hold Old Joe down.....You see Old Joe doesn’t go for that kind of sex either.”
A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club. One day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoo’s all over his arms answers. She proclaims, “I want to join your club.” The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks; “Do you have a motorcycle? The little old lady replies “Yep ... my bike’s parked over there”, and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway. The biker asks, “Do you drink?” The little old lady replies, “Yep, drink like a fish. I’ll drink any man in your club under the table.” The biker asks, “Do you smoke?” The little old lady replies, “Yep...smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple of cigars in the evening, while I’m shooting pool.” The biker is very impressed and asks, “Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?” The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, “Nope, but I’ve been swung around by my nipples a few times.”
A couple are sitting together in a restaurant celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. The old lady asks her husband "Do you remember the first time we were here?" "How could I forget?" He replies "I took you out back and you grabbed hold of the fence and I went at you from behind, how could I ever forget an evening like that" They look nostalgically at one another and the husband says "So what do you say wanna give it another go" "You are quite frisky for an old man" She says "but why not let's do it" As they headed out the backdoor a police officer was sitting at the next booth and had overheard the entire conversation. He decided he would follow them to make sure they weren't disturbed 'what harm can they do' he figured. So as he stood guard in the alley he could see their silhouttes. The lady dropped her bloomers and the gentleman his pants and they grabbed the fence and started going at it. The officer was amazed at how wild and passionate their escapade was. Yelling "oh my god" and slamming almost violently against the fence. The rendezvous continued for almost an hour wild and passionate the entire time. The police officer was amazed. Admitting that he had a new respect for old people and wondering if his parents still made love like this. Finally after about an hour the couple collapsed onto the grass, moaning and gasping for air. The police officer decided that he needed to talk to them and find out what their secret was. What kept their love alive for 50 years. So he approached the couple. "Excuse me" he said "but I happened to notice the two of you and I was just wondering if you could let me in on your secret. Has nothing changed for you in the past 50 years?" The old man looked up at him and replied "Not much has changed other then they have electrified the fence" :I
