Dating a non-jw

Collegegurl

Just a little back story since I don't really post much here. I'm 21, I go to school full time and work parttime. I live with my parents. I haven't believed in the jw religion since I was 16. My parents don't know this. I haven't dated a lot since dating a witness wouldn't be fair to them. I plan on leaving as soon as a graduate from college(either DA or a quick fade).

I've just started dating a non-jw. He knows that i'm a witness. He's curious about learning more. I'm afraid to tell him to come here because non jw are always told to run. I'm not going to convert him, I can't wait to celebrate holidays(I just celebrated my bday for the first time). I've told my sister about him and 2 witness friends who are pretty cool. My question is: am I being fair to him? I haven't told my parents or most of my friends(he knows this). It doesn't seem good to keep a relationship a secret, but I really don't see any other options. Financially i'm not in a position to movie out on my own. I don't want to wait another year and half to date anyone.

My other question is can the elders to anything to me if they find out?(take away privilages)? not that I ever answer, but I know this would really hurt my parents. Has anyone else done this? How has it gone? I know that my parents will find out eventually and I'm willing to face them, I just think its best to wait as long as possible before I tell them.

wanderlustguy

We tell them to run because unless you have learned to stand on your own first, you are not ready for anyone else.

You may want to think about that a bit. You haven't even lived alone, what makes you think you are ready for a real relationship? The problem is a lot of people like you jump from their parents home into living with someone and the relationship progresses for the wrong reasons, then you get to find out what hell is.

Listen to the people here, they know what they are talking about. The last thing you need to worry about is the elders...worry more about the damage you can do to yourself and others between now and the time you get your life sorted out to the point you are happy every day.

WLG

Collegegurl

Yea, I know I'm not ready for a serious relationship. I don't that is what either of us are wanting. (unlike most of my friends, I have goals beyond getting married). We have a lot of common interests and enjoy each others company, so were just casual dating.

wanderlustguy

Not trying to be harsh, just trying to be real. It happens before you even know it.

LoverOfTruth

Usually, I'm one to say run but in your situation, I think it can work for you. You seem to have your head on straight.

I suggest having numerous discussions with your non-JW boyfriend about the religion so he understands you will have highs and lows. Breaking away from the Watchtower is a process and you will experience difficulty, especially when dealing with your parents and family.

By the way, congrats on getting your education. I'm proud of you!

solidergirl

I'm 20 and the same thing happen to my cousin who is 18. We were both raised as JW and we both got baptized. The only difference is that we both wanted out at different times. She wanted out a 16 and I wanted out just recently. She started dating a guy secretly while progressing in the "truth" ie. aux. pioneering and other stuff. Her overzealous mom my aunt kept putting her up it. (Trust me don't start advanceing) When she turned 18 everything started coming out because she was in love there is only so much you can silently hold inside before you start to explode on the inside. She told her mom that she no longer wanted to be a JW. My aunt said either be a JW or your ass is out. While she had to move out. We both were in college at the time. She moved in with her boyfriend family. She had to drop out but plans to go back. The point to all this is that leaving a lie is hard and you will lose you sanity. You say your in school maybe the best thing for you to do is live on campus. You have cool witness friends maybe ya could move in together. But don't put yourself in a position were you won't be able finish what you started cause right now school is the most important thing for you. You can always date other guys you did say it was just casual.

av8orntexas

Get your education. Don't wait on the Org or what any jw says. If you like each other,then don't hide those feelings. You'll wind up doubting what you want to really do and may not do it. I've been on an off of here thinking Oh yeah, I met somebody. Most of, if not all, J-Dub's are frauds, until someone proves me wrong. Go with your feelings and dreams.

harleau

I had a friend who was just disfellowshipped over the same thing. Do not lose your relationship with Jehovah over a man, because once it's gone, it's darn hard to get back.

why???

I know exactly how you feel. I'm 21 and have been with my boyfriend since I was 19 out of curiosity because I always believed in JW. Even when I was with him I believed it but it wasn't until last year that I seriously doubted it. My parents eventually found out last year around this time, when they asked me and I straightforward answered them Yes im seeing him..after that all hell broke lose. Not to scare you but they threatened to kick me out, guilt-ed me and I even moved out for a day before they begged me to come back. My Bf was very good during this time although he felt like crap, which is not fair to him I was scared of the elders also but not so much anymore..I'm graduating from college THIS MAY.. very excited and hope to move out by July. I think you should hold off before you tell them anything if they're like mine they will try to control you. I would say be open with him..I was with mine from the very beginning and today through all that crap we're still together. Once I move I wanna "change halls"(for show) far from them. I think you should do that too it might help them except it if its not so much in their face..you know. Anyways its hard keeping him a secret still..a few ppl know...but I just see it as life not a burden...they will have to accept me for who I am and If they cant they're really losing out...ditto for your parents. If you wanna talk or watever PM me ..i dont have all the answers but I can relate... why???

Dating a non-jw

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