I am almost in tears here as I am going through the same thing. My family are such knuckleheads.
I too am frustrated over my family's denial and cult-like behavior. Until they finally open their eyes we can do very little. I applaud you for pointing out your mom's unreal behavior and reaction to this abuse. They have even over-ruled the maternal instinct in many cases!
I love you, I don't know you at all but I can say that in heartfelt truthfulness. Are you anywhere near Pittsburgh or east Ohio?
Feel free to send me a e-mail anytime.
Hang in there and keep your chin up. Pray for God to grant you wisdom and peace. James 1.2-5 tells us that He will give us 'wisdom' when asked in faith, it's a promise.
You have lots of true friends here.
Judicial Committee "assists" another ...
" Don't go there". This translates to......"don't tell me anything you have to say that's negative about the truth or the society".
To question anything from God's organization causes fear in those who still are witnesses.
I have been through the same words with my mate who is still a dub and I know of the anger/dissappointment you feel.
Only in the cults can you not talk openly about how you personally feel.
Be glad you are out but keep showing them love and kindness.
You are in a much better position to talk if a time comes when you can if you are not enemies. Good luck with mama.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your brother, and everyone else that has been hurt at the hands of these untrained idiots.
About ten years ago my oldest son got into some trouble. I took him to our church where he and I met with one of the counseling pastors. Joel prayed with us, talked about the situation with us. He then sent my son out for a few minutes and he prayed with me and gave me some very good advice. He and I met again several times over the next few weeks so that he could help me work my way throug a difficult time. Eventually the problem was resolved.
At no time was any sort of discipline even discussed. I have no doubt that had we still been JW my son would have been disfellowshipped.
I don't understand how any one can think that when some one is in touble, hurting, doubting, loosing faith etc; that the correct response is to kick the support system out from under them.
I ache with you, sweetheart, knowing similar pain.
Don't hate your mum for her actions. She's in pain too, and rejecting the disonace as further pain.
My mum went through a similar attitude when my sister was DF'ed.
At the time she was striking out at anything that made her world view crumble further. Simultaneously she was numb and unable to think clearly.
I'm not even going to get started on my feelings, just so much as to let you know I understand.
Just to do a bit of reverse-Jdubbing, look forward to the day when JC's will be a time of the past - when they bury them in the sand at low tide!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry for your pain. I guess i went through that too, but i feel almost nothing of it now.
If your little brother gets dfd, it may be the biggest favor they have ever done him. You can be there to help him and his girlfriend pick up the pieces, help him get deprogrammed. Then there will be two of you to work on your mother.
Wish you the best! Remember, you always have yourself.
I hate to keep saying this, but been there, done that, got a whole freak'n collection of t-shirts.
Sounds like another rerun, doesn't it? It's like a force shield that can't be penetrated. Your mom isn't going to debate you or even discuss it with you because the mere fact of questioning the ways of the Watchtower scares her to death. Perhaps more significant is your *justified anger* frightens her. She would have to look at herself, what she has become, accept the fact that the way she has treated you was abysmally wrong. And see the real truth about herself. She's afraid and too weak to do that.
I would suggest that the direct approach with JWs in highly emotional anger state never, never, never works. It closes doors. Of course, I know this from experience since I've done the same thing you have. My own mother threatened to call the police on me during one intense discussion. She was so afraid of my anger and the things I said against the Society, she just shut down completely. Nothing was accomplished except I vented every bit of bitterness I had in me right at her.
As to your parents, I know you don't really hate them; otherwise, you wouldn't call them or try and maintain contact with them for the number of years you have. You would be crazy not to hate them for what they are doing in this situation involving their son. And their lack of concern and protection reminds you of your own experience with your parents. It's your story, Andi, and it's playing again, but this time your younger brother has the starring role.
I would use this opportunity, if you feel like it, to seize the moment. Find out which brother it is and contact him as soon as possible. You have your story, Andi. Share it with him. Don't you think on some level he will be able to relate? It could pay off down the line in a reunion of sorts. I think it's worth a shot.
Your anger is justified. Your guilt is not.
"The God that comes before skepticism may bear little resemblence to the God that comes after."
M. Scott Peck (The Road Less Traveled)
This condition is called being an ostrich.
You have one of the most logical viewpoints I've read. Just because they're your parents doesn't mean that they haven't screwed up royally. Keep it up.
I don't need to fight
To prove I'm right
I don't need to be forgiven.
That's a good point. Try the mail. And reason. Reason with facts that are as stealth as the propaganda. I always say one or two things and I let them settle. Then I come back for more jabs. Never indulge in a lenghty conversation/argument, it's confusing. Hit some homers and let them stew.
I'm sorry for what you went through with your mum. It's hard to be treated like that by our own relatives. We can only try, eh?
Hang in there!