Shunning is worse than the worst crime possible

by Richie 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • Richie

    I have come to the conclusion that the shunning practices of the JW's are in fact worse than the worst crime committed. Just imagine, your own daughter shunning you, not wanting to see me or her first son (my grandson). Whenever I walk around in the village I live and I happen to encounter JW's, they don't even acknowledge that I exist at all!!
    No, I don't want pity because I am a strong person and I will certainly get over all this in time, I am sure of it. But just the same this practise of shunning is so misplaced and grossly unbiblical!
    Imagine if someone out of free will wants to disassociate him or herself, why in God's name should that person ever be disfellowshipped??? (No biblical reference whatsoever again and again)
    I had lunch with a longstanding friend of mine - he has never been a JW - he told me how sad he was since his 2 daughters moved away from him, one went to California and the other one to London England..Yes I can readily understand his sadness as he loves his children and he wants to be close to them! Then I look at my situation: I have 3 daughters, one of which is my stepdaughter...2 of them are in the "truth", the youngest one is not anymore (although she made it known to me recently that she is thinking of going back!!! - I almost got a heart attack when I heard that). They all live within 10 miles of my house and just the youngest one visits me from time to time.
    Yet the other 2 do not want speak with me let alone see me at all since I was disfellowshipped more than a year ago... How sad that families are torn apart because of this rotten man-made organization which have inundated their members with rules, regulations and decrees on how exactly to live and at the same time pretending to follow bible principles!!
    I know and I swear to this with all my heart that their Organization cannot be from God....The single most powerful reason why they are NOT God's Organization is the very fact that they have NEVER apologized and taken the blame for the many disastrous decisions, predictions and agreements and schemes they have been involved in, the latest being the UN-debacle!!! People who are truly guided by God certainly will not show such a callous attitude as the Governing Body has shown!!! When I look at all the false prophets in that Organization, I think back of all the lost years of faithful service to a silent God, as in reality I served an image...yes, only an image of gigantic proportions, I served an emptiness, yes I served for nothing at all...

    Richie :*)

    You are the music as long as the music last...............

  • California Sunshine
    California Sunshine

    The shunning thing is the most hurtful dispicable thing they do thats for sure. Why do they do it?........ CONTROL!! Fear of losing family and friends is a powerful reason to obey all rules.

    I got over loosing the JW side of my family. Although I was not DF'D I had no desire to be a witness and so...well, you know the rest. It was hard and (thank goodness) my children were not involved. They saw this org. for what it is.

    I feel for you. I know this monster can't be from God.

    minds are like parachutes--they only function when open.

  • Celtic

    Its taken a while, 6 years or so but now I see myself as one of the success stories in recovery from JW issues, of course, some ansxieties raise their heads from time to time, but at last I feel more contented with the decision made not to follow the organisation. My story is like so many others, but the best feeling in the world is this, when you discover once again who YOU are as a person, as a unique individual with something more positively purposeful to give back into your life and sharing this with others.

    It feels like me - again.

    Stay focussed!!

    cornwall UK

  • lisaBObeesa

    Dear Richie,

    You know what really gets me? When a JW says that shunning is 'the loving thing to do.' Can't they see they are saying black is white? Up is down? Evil is good?

    My mother is going through the same thing as you, and it is terrible. I feel so angry about it.

    I sometimes think my mother is doing better accepting the situation than I am. I can't seem to accept the situation that my sister won't talk to her or let her see the grand-kids. It is unacceptable! But that is how it is, and I guess one day I will stop struggling over it. I can't quite see how to let go yet.

    I get strength by reading posts like Celtic's and California Sunshine's. (and so does my sometime-lurker mom) Thanks guys!!!

    And Richie, so many people here know what you are going through and share your feelings.


  • Introspection

    It's kind of funny, I seem to have mastered the fine art of stealth when it comes to running into witnesses. (I am NOT DF'd or DA'd) Of course, they have probably just forgotten about me for the most part, and in contrast to how I felt when I left I am glad now, because most of the time I am not up to putting up with nonsense and trying to make intelligent conversation with people who actively block such.

    I suppose there's a difference between shunning and ignoring someone too.. I guess what I do is ignore them. Oh well, what is there to say really? There are witnesses who are open, honest and even humble, (and I do treat them differently) but when that isn't the case any interaction is bound to be an earful of what they are full of...

    "Opinions are like [anuses], everybody has one."

  • HappyHeathen

    I’m very sorry for your pain regarding your daughter. I know how you feel since I haven’t seen my daughter in ten years. She teetered on the fence about getting baptized until she was 19 (in 1991) because she knew she’d have to cut ties with her “apostate mother” but finally gave in to pressure from the congregation and my ex-husband’s relatives. A few weeks later she invited me for a weekend visit, then broke the news to me that she could no longer associate with me, but said it was okay for me to take her and her husband out to dinner for one last time and, of course, pick up the check. She said, “Let’s have a good time since this is our last weekend together.” Needless to say, I wasn’t in a partying mood and cried all the way during the 90-mile drive home. Every once in a while I get a letter from her telling me that she still loves me and thinks of me every day of her life, begging me to come back to the organization. I suspect loneliness and desperation is the driver, I’m sure, since she’d be in big trouble with the congregation if they knew she was contacting me in any way.

    In my more insane moments, I actually consider going to the meetings long enough to get reinstated in order to establish contact with her again. But I know it would never work. All it would take is one visit to my home for her to realize that I am indeed one of the “worldly” people they must avoid – I celebrate Christmas, I vote, I work for a defense contractor, I give blood. How could I convincingly live such a lie? I have such bitterness towards those people for what they have stolen away from me.

    Just wanted you to know that there are others who share your pain. You are not alone.

  • Richie

    Many thanks for your replies from the heart!
    I understand that we all try to erase the underlying anger we carry, but eventually we have to let go and accept a different life without your close family. For a couple of moments I was so angry that I was contemplating mailing my daughters a funeral card stating that I have now died. I wanted to show them what it means to be non-existent and let them "feel" the pain....
    I am glad I decided not to do that as it would probably have backfired negatively and I probably would have become the laughingstock in the congregation....
    But knowing that I did the right thing by quitting that organization and become free again is worth more than the psychological terror the Borg is trying to heap upon all departing witnesses and myself.
    Yes, the truth will set us all free - free from the shackles of a man-made organization of rules and heavy loads which have oppressed many people from the beginning of time....

    You are the music as long as the music last...............

  • Englishman

    One of the best sites about JW's and particularly DF'ing, (you might have to ignore the odd relgious plug)is at:

    Here's how it explains the un-scripturalness of shunning:

    "Actually fornication is reported among you, and such fornication as is not even among the nations, that a wife a certain man has of his father ... In my letter I wrote you to quit mixing in company with fornicators, not meaning entirely with the fornicator's of this world or the greedy persons and extortion's or idolaters. Otherwise, you would actually have to get out of the world. But now I an writing you to quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person or an idolater or a reveler or a drunkard or an extortioner, not even eating with such a man. For what do I have to do with judging those outside? Do you not judge those inside, while God judges those outside? Remove the wicked man from among yourselves." (1 Cor 5:1, 9-13)

    In First Corinthians chapter 5 a man was having sexual relations with his fathers wife on a continual basis. It was not a one time event. This man was continually having sexual relations with his father's wife. For this he was to be removed from the congregation. Paul's counsel was for anyone called a brother who was continually practicing fornication, revelry, greediness, drunkenness and extortion was to be removed from the congregation, not even to eat a meal with them. This was not a person who did an occasional wrong and was willing to make corrections. This had absolutely nothing to do with a person who does not go along with all the teachings of a particular religious organization's policies and rulings. Nor does it have anything to do with persons being required to follow doctrinal and theological interpretations of scripture. It does include all those who go against the meaning of the Christ, by a continual practice of selfish and hurtful actions against their fellow man. Only a continual and thoughtless practice of hurtful and harmful acts towards others would merit such a removal. Misapplying this scripture, the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, Jehovah's Witnesses, use this scripture to excommunicate or disfellowship any member who disagrees and questions any of their doctrinal teachings and theological interpretations, this being a highly effective controlling tool in manipulating their followers.


    Nostalgia isn't what it used to be....

  • jukief

    Richie and HappyHeathen,

    Did you know that the elder's manual says that people can't be disfellowshipped for associating with disfellowshipped family members? Even the society's PR web site says that disfellowshipping doesn't cut family ties.

    We've had a couple of instances in my home town where the elders tried to hassle people who were associating with DFed family members. In one case, the son who was associating with his disassociated father wrote the society a letter, and they replied that it was pretty much up to him whether he wanted to associate or not (although it was clear they didn't think it was a good idea). I called this fellow the other night, and he's sending me a copy of the letter. He said several people have used to keep elders off their backs. When I get the letter, I'll post a copy of it to this board.

    It's obvious that some JWs takes thing above and beyond even what the evil WTS masters say to do.


  • Vitameatavegamin

    Hello friends,

    I have been wondering about this subject myself lately. The only time I think DFing in necessary in cases where people are continually committing gross sin and unrepentant about it. I do believe that churches should keep their congregations clean and honor God. That is what they are there to do when they worship. It would be grossly hypocritical to have regular practicing adulterers and fornicators among you week after week. There should be some sort of recompense for peoples negligent behavior. Disfellowshipping in itself seems to be a very controversial subject. I don't know of other churches who practice this except for Mormons, who call it excommunicating. Churches are willing to let in anyone and everyone just to have more members and more members means more money coming in to the cong. They do disregard God's standards alot of the time. However, disfellowshipping for not agreeing with the Society is wrong. The bible says not to associate with unbelievers, but I assume that meant people who did not believe in Jesus? I am not sure. If anyone could define that, I would appreciate it.



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