just sent final email to my 'best friend'

by 4digitcode 11 Replies latest jw friends

  • 4digitcode

    i'm so drained emotionally from it but i did it. I learned a few days ago through her ex worldly boyfriend that she had told him she tries to email me but i don't answer, she called me and i hung up (all things she has done tome in the past 9 months that i have been trying to get in touch with her). she told him i had gone crazy and moved to italy and no one knew where i was and i was not talking to my JW mom anymore ( i moved to italy for almost 3 years to work, study and learn italian and my mom is not a JW!!!!!! never has been.) while in the meantime making me believe she was not with him for the last 3 years when they had been dating the whole time till august of last year. i don't understand i never judged her for her worldly boyfriend, i never ratted her out for some of the things she's done....she was the one telling me i had to judge to hate what jehoavh hates. my email started out telling her all this stuff and asking her what is wrong with her and why she did that but then what do i do????i start telling her to get out of the cult and to read crisis of conscience and to read about mindcontrol and child molesters and mexico malawi, and 607 BC, etc.........something i had said i would never do becasue i didn't want to affect her faith. and the worst part is i'm a repeat offender! i did it yesterday as well with a brother i cared about so much while in the truth(totally platonic)...in less details but i did it anyway. he had told me that raymond franz was an apostate and that's why he got df'ed and i wrote to him the real reason why he did and asked him ' how much else don't you know?'......................i love these 2 people. i truly hope my 'friend' looks more into it even though if she does i don't know how i would feel if she tried to get in touch with me as i'm not sure wether the compulsive lying is JW induced or just her own personality.i just wanted to get her out of a cult that i know for a fact is making her unhappy and the reason why she felt she had to make up that whole story to her boyfriend to justify her behavior with me.............i don't know i'm tired. i posted my picture yesterday on this site, i'm sending out apostate letters.......i don't even know if i had a right to do that. i know raymond franz wrote that he felt his conscience pushed him to tell people the truth about the society, and my motivations were absolutely those in the last paragraphs of my email where i tell her she doesn't have to lie to justify the actions she has to take for the WT.......but at the same time...i don't know it feels a bit wrong. Do you think what i did was ok? i want your honest opinion. not wether what i did was best for me(i.e. venting anger, seeking to clear my name,etc cause i know i told her what was on my mind about her lying about me) but wether it was best for her....to present facts that may help her break free or otherwise disturb her deeply and make her life among JW much harder. Let me know. thanx.

  • 4digitcode

    and why the heck do my posts come on as one big block with no spaces and no paragraphs. What's up with that?? :)))

  • poppers
    and why the heck do my posts come on as one big block with no spaces and no paragraphs. What's up with that?? :)))

    Try putting a check in the Automatic Cr/Lf box below the composition box.

  • 4digitcode

    thanks pops

  • bythesea

    Hi 4digit...I haven't read any of your previous posts, so don't know your own standing with the WTS, but if you are baptized and now are just inactive or trying to fade then you took a very risky step in presenting what you did to your friends...it could come back to bite you in the butt if they go to elders with your letters.

    Was it ok to tell your friends what you did??? The truth of matters is always a good thing, but sometimes the timing of sharing that information is crucial. I understand you wanting to "save" your dear friends and to educate them as to the hidden facts behind their faith. I've gone rounds with myself as to whether I should do the same thing...but I KNOW that it won't be accepted as anything more than rantings of an apostate and at first glance it will be ditched and they will stop having any more to do with me...so I stay silent and try to drop more subtle ideas that will make them think... Its the difference between being fed little nibbles of pie and having the whole thing shoved in one's face. JW's are so programmed to avoid any hint of criticism of their faith, anything that smacks of apostacy, that your friends, if still believers, will probably figure you have gone off the deep end...or gone over to the Dark Side..... The

    The best you can hope for is that, if they read the entirety of what you wrote, that seeds will have been planted....or that if they are unhappy enough in their faith that they will now know that if the time comes when they can bring themselves to question their religion that they know they can approach you. Time will tell....

  • 4digitcode
  • 4digitcode

    hello by the sea and thank you for your reply. i am df'ed and so no worries there. for a year almost have been talking to some witnesses that were friends of mine before. and in the case of my friend i had tried to contact her, call her, send her emails never discussing anything about the religion. i had even told one of our mutual friends that her whole support system was in the truth and it would be hard for her if she ever really understood what was really going on.

    i never even dropped subtle hints with her but after having heard all of that i couldn't keep quiet. it was like a warning from me: leave before it's too late and you can't tell the reality from your lies.

    my boyfriend read the letter and told me that even though it was angry he could tell how much i loved her. i had never meant to shove it all at her at once but then again i feel it had to be all or nothing. if i sent her 1 email sowing doubt she would have blocked me before i had the chance to write anything else. same thing if i told her i now knew of her lies. she would have probably blocked me to protect herself from her shame.

    i did it and now wether it's right or wrong it's done. but i thank you for your insight and i will make sure if any other still witness friends get in touch with me and express doubt to be very gentle in the way i make them aware of what i now know. thank you.

  • worldtraveller

    Sometimes e mails can be misinterpreted. I can only suggest next time do it in person if it is local, I know it's a big deal in person, but the message will be louder, and clearer, as the body language might come across even better. Just a thought.

  • RollerDave


    Wow, you don't mess around!

    Look, if you were moved to tell thise you care about the truth, then you were so moved.

    I would let the chips fall where they may and see if your firends really are.

    Not to say, "don't use tact" or anything, but you know your friends and we don't. You know your personal style and what you can credibly pull of, and what would seem like transparent phoniness.

    Maybe you HAD to get that out when it was fresh and your hurt, anger, sincereity, and love would come through?

    In any case, you are gonna be just fine, you don't need to fret about whats done.



  • ex-nj-jw

    It's hard to see people we care about "still drinking the kool-aid". I'm the kinda of person that says what is on my mind and let the chips fall where they may!

    Some of us just can't sit by and play the game. I agree with RD, don't fret over this. What do you have to loose that you already havn't? And if you are gonna loose it anyway, who give a Sh*&?


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