To James T
Defender of the faith
Lord protector of the realm
Greetings dear apostate;
We are writing to invite you to return to the fold. We don’t really want you back because we all hate your apostate guts. But we will gladly embrace you once again because you are becoming a pain in the ass and costing us a loss of revenue.
Who would have ever dreamed that your wearing a sandwich board denouncing us could cause such a commotion. We very much wish that you would not picket the Westville, Oklahoma and Siloam Springs, Arkansas Kingdom Halls anymore. It is not the fault of the sheep who attend that they cannot speak to you. You brought it upon yourself by pointing out that we are lying bastards who have kept you miserable for thirty-five years.
If you will attend the Westville Kingdom Hall services next Sunday we will allow you to crawl on your knees down to the speakers stand, gaze up into the eyes of the speaker, shed a few tears and shout meany meany tickle the parson. The body of elders can then gather around you with a laying on of hands and pronounce you once again to be a fool who will follow their lead.
We await your reply.
The GB a.k.a. the rat pack
Ps please quit calling us and saying “bite me”