by hillary_step 19 Replies latest jw friends
I like the friendships I have made via the forum. I'm not really very good socially and find it very difficult to talk to people normally so this is very nice.
Because the WTS has had such a deep and long term effect on my life and my familly, even after leaving for any length of time it is still 'pert of your life'. It doesn't mean you aren't 'over it' and don't move on but for me, it's good to try and do something positive (and computer stuff is really the only thing I'm good at).
Hi Hillary...
Interesting question, made me think, "Hey, why am I still searching out the latest thing on the WT even though I've been out for about 4 years now...
The posters above have hit on some of the more interpersonal reasons like association with those with like experiences. I liken it to being bonded by a shared trauma.
I do admittedly get quite a bit of pleasure discovering how the WT has screwed up of late and watch them try to wrangle themselves out of their predicaments. It helps me to validate my past and my present. To some degree I see through other's posts where I have been and sometimes where I am going.
I think that having had an experience like that, makes people feel vulnerable. The need to shore up one's resources mentally and emotionally as well as having "ammunition" in case anyone tries this kind of coercion again becomes something that's well worth spending time doing.
Thanks for bringing this up... I appreciated getting my thoughts together on this. :)
Inq
Dan B,
I personally look forward to reading Fredhall's little incoherent one-liners. They make me laugh.
Well said. I agree, with a small exception:
... his "incoherence" is not nearly as incoherent as it often appears. That's what makes him so very special. There was once a time when he irked me big time, but I've grown.
... btw, I'm here because... well... I like the abuse.
No, seriously, I was raised 'in the truth.' I don't believe hardly any of it anymore, especially the bullshit part about those crusty, old men being "God's mouthpiece." I just happen to accept the unfortunate reality that as a result of my three-decades-long indoctrination amid the cult, a huge part of my soul will always be JW. I will always have a macabre interest in the Society and its machinations.
As a secondary issue, I have relatives that are still locked up in the organization. My mom, sister, brother and other relatives who are still living happily in DubLand talk to me, associate with me, email me freely, thank you very much. So, I don't suffer the rejection from family that so many others do.
Just as well. If I did, I'd tell them all to go to hell.
Hi Hillary-Step,
Thanks for asking. I have been out for 7 months. This board gave me the socialization with people whom I could finally voice my doubts to.
But, more than that, it's people I can relate to--like veterans of a war. We have a similar background and can really empathize with each other.
Also, the camaraderie is more prevalent because of a common interest in JW issues and problems.
I work all the time, have a health condition that keeps me home much of the evenings, so it's very hard to build a new social circle. This board helps fill the bill by providing social interaction.
It has meant a lot to me and will continue to, I'm sure.
Pat
Hello Tina,
I hope that you are well too and I enjoyed hearing your tale of survival, thank you for relating it.
Can you clarify this for me? Was it just my cong? Can anyome just walk back into a cong after afew years like nothing happened? With no study w/ the elders or one appointed by them?The strange fact is that you can if you know the game. Arms will be flung around you, spontaneous slobbery kisses, numerous invites out to eat etc. I genuinely believe that JW's do sincerely love people, at least at first!
After a few weeks things settle and there may be an attempt or two to entice you on service or to attend a few 'get-togethers'. The elders will mention how nice it is to see you, discuss you in minute detail at the elders meeting, assign sombody, who you may be seen to be getting along with to 'help' you. If you make it clear at this stage that you are happy just doing what you are doing, you will be left alone to inhabit the back rows and providing you do not answer up at the meetings very much and adopt a low profile, you will be left alone until you die. If you are mousy and have a blendable face it is so much easier. Given our shared national heritage which I am sure in both our cases brings with it a natural beauty! and a large personality Tina, it would be tough for people like you and I to do much blending though!
In theory the answer to your question is yes, if you have no demerits (DF or DA ) you can go back on your own terms and pretty much be left alone if you so wish. Most elders breath a sigh of relief when a publisher asks to be left alone, it saves them much work.
I remember around 12 years ago a female JW from a local congregation telephoned me in distress as one particular elder was continually trying to 'shepherd' her. I told her to tell him firmly and confidently, 'No thank you XXXX, I am fine without one'. She was never visited again!
Kindest regards - HS
Hi Introspection,
Me, simple. No life.
I find that very hard to believe, your posts are always among the most interesting on the Board. Glad to see that you have moved on with life.
Simon,
Because the WTS has had such a deep and long term effect on my life and my familly, even after leaving for any length of time it is still 'pert of your life'. It doesn't mean you aren't 'over it' and don't move on but for me, it's good to try and do something positive (and computer stuff is really the only thing I'm good at).
Yes, Simon. The conditioning we have gone through has been honed over a century. Sadly, I somehow think that elements of it will be with us until we die and that these posts are a refelction of that.
I just hope that in ten years time, if I am still living, as age is not my best friend these days, I will not experience an emotional shudder when I drive past a Kingdom Hall, or a group of JW's moving door to door but be able to put all these events into some sort of historical perspective.
Thank you all for your enlightening comments - HS
Radar:
I believe the psychological bond we had, when we were with the (Borg)
now seeks a home with those of us, who find themselves outside the Borg Org.
In other words, that cultlike interdependency is still with us.
I'm not at all sure that it is cultlike. Interdependency itself is a great thing; it's a larg part of the sensation we call "belonging" or "community". The particular bond between XJW's is similar to that of any other group that has been scarred by common experiences. The pleasure in it comes from the healing that we experience, which often includes bitching about the bOrg.
drahcir yarrum:
For me, it was mainly the lack of any real "Christian love" that the society claims to display, but never really does.
Yeah, me too, but what sent me out the KH door at top speed was the realization that I had been infected with this same lovelessness.
Introspection:
Actually, it isn't so much that I feel a need to discuss JW issues, I actually don't have the patience
Me too. My reaction to the UN issue has been mostly confined to sardonic smirking. As far as I'm concerned it's just another justification for my leaving, nothing more. The few XJW issues that actually interest are the ones that still affect my life: namely, how to find my way in the larger world. I'll read just about anything on that topic -- calls for help, bitter rants, and especially brag stories. I'm a sucker for "first Christmas" stories, naturally :)
hillary_step:
I just hope that in ten years time, ... I will not experience an emotional shudder when I drive past a Kingdom Hall,
I went through that stage. Sometimes I gloat instead. It might help, when driving past a KH, to raise your middle finger in salute (or, if you're British, two fingers).
Gently Feral
"There were cockroaches of course,
but very clean cockroaches."
-- Julia Vinograd
(edited for surplus quote brackets)
Grazie caro Hillary!
I appreciate the insight on that question. It was something that I never thought about upon leaving. Makes sense it's all about politicking.lol
I agree,it wouldnt work for you and I. You helped jog my memory about the poor quiet folk sitting in the back rows. I hadn't given that much thought until I came on these boards. The whys and wherefores.I really had to be one blind dub to never even think of that then. I admit I was like a lemming.
It was/is truly a caste system. Thanks for helping me understand better. luv,Tina
NOW PLAYING AT SIMONS MULTIPLEX!
'The Good,The Bad,The Fundy'
Special Matinee HORROR!!!!
THIS WILL SCARE YOU,MAKE YOU SCREAM AT NIGHT!!! See-
'I Was A Teenage JW Pioneer!
PG-13
Hi Hillary, I guess I qualify for being "out" a loooooooong time. D'fd in 1981 for apostasy. My family are all JWs - and losing them to a hypocritical belief system hurt me a lot. I've never really got over the sadness of it. So I pop in here from time to time, to hang out with others who've suffered as I have suffered. I don't spend much time here though, because I've come to realise that it doesn't really help. All the ranting and raving, reasoning and logic changes nothing. If anything it's only made it harder for me, since learning just how bad the Organisation is, my loss seems even more pointless. :-(
"The best form of revenge is to live well". I've done this!!!! I am not at all religious and have had a great life since leaving the Org.
kind regards
Marilyn
