Suddenly and inexplicably enraged (page 3)

Jim_TX

Wow. Memory triggers...

I too remember the doom and gloom stories... the stories of concentration camps - and other prisoner-related bunk that they published - and we read.

I also seem to remember being fascinated with 'survival'... no, I didn't have a bean-filled toy. What I did was make little compasses (the magnetic kind) out of ball-point pen metal clips. BIC made an accountant fine point pen that had one such metal clip. I would reform them to balance on the brass point of the pen. I would magnetize the clips. I could then balance the clips on the point of the pen and have a compass to guide me - if I ever needed it. (I figured that I would be allright if I could just keep my pen with me.)

I did other related things... I just cannot remember them. I think that others - adults - may have thought me bonkers... I know that no one seemed to 'understand' me... oh wait. No one can STILL understand me - to this day.

Regards,

Jim TX

Sassy

yup.. as you started the thread, I immediately thought to the persecution training we received growing up.. we were always in fear of the day it would all be taken away.. Our home back in Wisconsin has a bible hid in the sheetrock just in case our literature was ever taken away..

what a way to live our lives..

this was a trigger for you.. but its ok.. its part of our past and we will have some of these moments

jeanne40love

Katie,

I also grew up in a state of constant fear. The persecutions in Malawi so afraid that would happen to us. Always packing an extra outfit while in service so you could quickly change, and the authorities wouldn't know you were breaking the law by witnessing in a protected territory. I had nightmares starting when I was 11 years old, and was terrified of the demons, the constant talk about people who were studying with JW's who tried to burn their religious memorabilia etc....and it wouldn't catch fire, or the beds moving around their rooms, they were plagued by the demons, and I was terrified of almost everything....

Although I too raised my family in the religion......I vowed to never ever talk about such aldut topics.....ever within ear shot of my kids. Of course I wasn't too smart, because the brothers still talked about satan.....demons....persecution etc... from the platform.

I was always feeling afraid and guilty. I hate having been robbed of so much joy and innocense as a child.

I am finally getting my head around all this stuff.....

Jeanne

wannaexit

AAAHHH!!! ranting is good therapy. Let it all out.

wanna

delilah

Katie....I'm sorry you had this meltdown. Sometimes it just makes us feel better to get everything off our chest. We loves ya....

((((((((((((( Katie ))))))))))))) There................feeling better?

aSphereisnotaCircle

Katie I share your rage.

I remember as young as five years old to "prepare to be tortured" Different methods of torture were described to us kids so we could "be prepared". One method stands out it my mind, involving slowly burying an infant in sand to get the parents to renounce Jehovah. I am in tears now just thinking about it. The fear of being buried alive still haunts me.

Because JW's don't believe in Sunday school for kids, we sat right there with our parents and heard stuff that small children should never hear. I heard about Armageddon, how we would be persecuted, how we had to fight for Jah, and how all the worldly people would die.

I understood this to mean that I would be responsible for killing all my kindergarten classmates and the teacher too. This tormented me terribly, I DID NOT WANT TO KILL MY CLASSMATES, I tried not to think about it. I assumed jah would give me the ability when the time came. I have a few pics of me at that age and I looked miserable in every one.

I remember very clearly sitting in class, dreading the day when I would have to kill for Jah.

Scully

There was a period of time when I was about 10-11 years old when she would pack herslf a paper bag with a change of clothing and a few emergency items, and place it by her bed "just in case". She taught me to do the same.

Wow this just triggered an almost forgotten memory from when I was about 9 years old. We had been reading about all the persecution in Nazi Germany from the Yearbook, so we were all thinking about how important it was to be prepared for persecution: being arrested, being questioned, being imprisoned and tortured. I was helping with a "demonstration" at the Service Meeting, pretending we were out in service during a time of persecution, when police were out to arrest JWs. Instead of "service bags" we carried shopping bags, with Bibles and magazines hidden under a change of clothing. There was a bit in the demonstration where the Sister™ I was with pulled me into an imaginary back alley and we quickly changed out of our sweaters and hats and put on different coloured sweaters, then went back out in the "road" where we were approached by a "policeman" who was out looking for us to arrest us for preaching, only we were wearing the wrong colour sweaters and no hats!! Did we see those two people, the policeman wanted to know. No, we didn't see anyone like that at all. Thank goodness for theocratic war strategy!! Yep, Jehovah sure fooled him!!

What a way to scare the living daylights out of kids.

Finally-Free

I just have to see a guy in a suit with short hair and shoes with tassels and I lose it.

W

Suddenly and inexplicably enraged

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