Agent hook, What do you think?

by rekless 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  rekless

  From reading your hook I am definitely interested; I hope it hooks an agent. Might be a bit long to be a 'hook'. Good bones, maybe edit it a bit.Can't wait to read it! THe first paragtaph is the hook and the second is the beginning of the synopsis. I still need to do the bio and ass kissing.

  reckless: Running the spell check is fine, but it will not change "alter" to "altar" because both are real English words, the former meaning "to change," and the latter meaning a structure in a holy place such as a church or temple (loose definitions on the fly). You need one of us spelling Nazis to do some editing, or use a dictionary if you are unsure of the spelling of a word. English has a lot of confusing homynyms.

  You need one of us spelling Nazis to do some editing: Interested? Do you have time.?

  THanks for all your comments

  Dan Walker, Clearlake, Ca. and other places.
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  Mum

  Yes, I'm a spelling Nazi, and have always wanted to try editing. I'm retired (early) and have some time on my hands. The experience would be good for my resume should I ever have opportunity for another career.

  I'll send you a pm.
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  poppers

  Here is a version for your consideration:
  
  The Dream Pushers chronicles what happens when a family of seven become addicted to a future based on ideas weaved by a religious organization, ideas which are discovered to be lies that lead not to a "paradise on Earth” but to the “gates of hell” when their addiction is confronted. Their pusher: a multi-billion dollar publishing conglomerate from Brooklyn, New York known as the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society.
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  poppers

  Here is a hook for your consideration:
  
  Religious scandals and their aftermath are familiar: Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart. But some scandals do not fell religious empires and those that perpetrate them get away with blood on their altar.