by nicolaou 18 Replies latest social relationships
Did you ever have a partner who sucked the joy out of your relationship because of their jealousy? Have you ever felt jealous? Surely we can all feel jealousy, it's just that the triggers are set differently for everyone.
I'll admit to having been jealous at times, my own insecurities got the better of me, but jealousy is truly corrosive and anyone who intentionally sets out to make their partner feel jealous needs a good smack on the bum!
What do you think?
anyone who intentionally sets out to make their partner feel jealous needs a good smack on the bum!
Are we feeling guilty or are we a victim? Anyway, your right.
I have been jealous before and I know it can eat you alive if you don't control it.
Are we feeling guilty or are we a victim?
Neither. I guess my problem is that I'm really quite shy whereas my wife is outgoing and bubbly. She loves parties but I often feel a bit awkward and uncomfortable. When I'm sane I love to see her having a good time with anyone, when I'm crazy (1% of the time) I just burn up inside and silently smoulder.
Ignore me, I'm just a bit cranky this weekend.
Not really, but I've been on the opposite side of the spectrum. So completely devoid of jealousy and common sense that I became a trusting idiot who let myself be taken advantage of by the man I married. He was stepping out with co-workers... I didn't find out until after I left him.... for other reasons. The signs were all there too. Don't know how I missed them.
Nic -
Yeah, I have those insane moments. I hate myself for them, and when sane, realize that my jealousy is totally unfounded.
My partner and I talk about it, and I realize that it comes from my own insecurity and try to deal with that. She gives me no reason for jealousy. I find not overdrinking is a huge help in keeping the insanity at bay.
S4
Neither. I guess my problem is that I'm really quite shy whereas my wife is outgoing and bubbly. She loves parties but I often feel a bit awkward and uncomfortable. When I'm sane I love to see her having a good time with anyone, when I'm crazy (1% of the time) I just burn up inside and silently smoulder.
nicolaou,
have you told your wife how you feel?
I agree that it probably stems from insecurity...almost all cases of jealousy do.
(I was once insanely jealous, and it was the most horrible feeling in the world, but it was all because I was so very insecure and had lower than low self-esteem)
You can try to reassure yourself that she is not ignoring you...and try to mingle more yourself, despite how difficult it feels,
(I know, I am an introvert, so I know this is NOT easy)
but, the more you do it, the more confidence you build up in yourself, and the better you will feel about your wife's having fun, since you are now having fun too. I know that sounds simplistic...but sometimes, that's all that is needed...just a self-esteem boost.
The easiest conversation is one where you are taking an interest in the other person, (without interrogating them lol), and they will in turn, ask you questions about yourself...and then you have a conversation...that's what helped me get over my nervousness of talking to people, asking them about their jobs, families, children, hobbies, (without being nosy).....maybe you have a better idea? just go with whatever works for you!
I am a loner and get jealous of myself now and again...I catch me looking in a mirror and punch myself....who do I think I am eh?
In my earlier days immature days I used to be jealous but later as I matured I got over it and I wouldn't be jealous unless there was a solid reason grounded in reality and not a mere suspicion based on paranoia. Obviously it's not nice to incite jealousy in a partner given the anguish it can cause.
there you go again greeny....stop following me......muhahahaha
I am a loner and get jealous of myself now and again
Sorry ninj' but I'm way more screwed up than that! Self loathing doesn't allow you to be jealous of yourself.
Nic'
