Can't quote word for word, but at the DC this Friday, the last talk given, the speaker actually said "Not to question the Faithful and Discreet Slave" and everybody around me was eating it up like it was cake. My insides were churning when that guy said that crap.
And the funny thing is that if i hadn't been reading this board, reading the evilOMG! apostate literature they 'warned' us not to, then i would have been feeling guilty for my doubt, for my lack of faith, for being different, and all the rest of that crap. How can the people who basically make up a religion- the bulk of it at least- not even QUESTION it, question the people that are quiding them?! Catholics can still be catholics and admit the the pitfalls and mess ups of the catholic church. Every history book shows where the catholic church messed up and guess what? PEOPLE are STILL CATHOLICS! It doesn't change their faith. That really rattled me and worst, i had to give a "yeah, sure it was nice" when asked about the DC. You can't really be ask in a public area full of JWs who fill "charged up" after a DC 'What did you think of it' and give an honest answer.
The speaker then went on to say that 'It doesn't say Perfect Faithful and Discreet Slave in the bible either" and for a second I had a moment of disbelief, you know? That maybe it could be the right religion after all, after all I had learned. BUT I had to remind myself of the guilt trips, the tactics that are used to keep people from questioning anything and everything and that was just one of them. Of course they aren't perfect, but then if you aren't perfect then you shouldn't claim to know sh*t when you obviously do not. You can't control people's lives with a sceptor of morality and then when bad stuff hapens, act as if you aren't responsible. And more than anything, when you make a mes of everything, you can't tell me not to look on the Internets so I won't know about it. Nobody asked you to be perfect, yet you can make decisions, more about on this planet and dictate others lives as if you are? Yet to say that to my family would mean a long long fight that i know they would lose in, that would eventually bring in the elders who would then escalate things within my family (and you know the funny thing? For some time i actually believed that these dudes in tacky suits somehow that the right to rule and make judgements upon other peoples families- how a bunch of bull!), so i will be quiet.
For now. And tacky suits abound yesterday. Even my suit was tacky... tacky tacky tacky. I can't wait to buy a really nice suit and not have to worry about sweating in it on a hot Sat. morning.
Good G-d, I wish could go back in time before I was even born and answer the door before my family and tell that sister down the street that we just aren't interested. Maybe our lives wouldn't have been so invested into this religion as our only way of hope and salvation, maybe we would be able to relate without any word of God ever being brought up. Because all families disagree on fundamental levels one way or another. Hell, I'm gay and i know that i would still be outcasted from my family if they weren't witnesses. But I know I would still be able to talk and be with them even if there was a huge disparity between us. We would still be able to talk about "other things"- just like othr families have to do for a while until things get better.
But nope thats not how it will happen. And that's just me- i can't imagine just being a person who didn't agree or believe it anymore and not being able to talk to my family. That would really send me over the moon with anger- and they wonder why sometimes 'apostates" are 'evil, angry people'. Your religion kind of.. oh, i don't know... MADE THEM THAT WAY.
Just had to get that out. I said I would attend Sundays service but not Saturday as I had something planned with a friend of mine. I really meant that It would be nice to not want to rip off my ears. Or think of a fall down those wonderful starcases- I thought about falling down those stairs so many times as to get out of there its not funny.