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AllAlongTheWatchtower

Is it ok to lie, or lie by omission of information, to your wife, if the motive is saving them stress or grief?

I feel that my wife and I have a very good relationship, very open, we usually tell each other everything. As I revealed in someone else's topic recently though, I am a pizza delivery driver...and last night I escaped an attempted robbery. It wasn't that big a deal, I was not injured in any way. Because my wife just gave birth a few days ago, and the labor was very hard on her (4th degree episiotomy tear, for those who know what that is) and the baby, I decided not to tell her about this. I didn't want to stress her out. I can't help but feel a little guilty about it though...I could tell her at a later date, but she might get just as upset at that time, or more so, for me witholding the information in the first place...thus defeating the purpose of trying to spare her emotions.

I realize that the times when men used to say inane things like you see in old movies such as "don't you worry your pretty little head about it" are long gone, and rightfully so, but I kinda feel like in this case maybe silence is indeed golden. There's a law for 'justifiable homocide'...is there a relationship rule for justifiable lying?

FlyingHighNow

Ask yourself what your motives would be for telling her. Would it be to make yourself feel better? Because you know it sure isn't going to make her feel better. Why tell her something that will only stress her out when she has a new baby? It shows more love to keep it from her than to tell her, in my opinion. Why would she need to know?

journey-on

How is not telling her considered a lie? If she asks you point blank if anyone has ever tried to rob you, and you say 'no', that's a lie. Simply keeping your mouth shut about an incident that would surely cause her a great deal of unnecessary worry is prudent IMO.....it's not a lie by omission or otherwise.

I've learned over the years that just because you have a close relationship with your spouse does not mean you have to share every little detail of your life. Some things are best left close to the vest.

Let me add something, however. Pizza delivery driver? That CAN be dangerous. Hope your life insurance is up to date especially now that you have a new baby and all. That may be something you both need to discuss. If that's a second job for you, perhaps you should look into something a little safer.

FlyingHighNow

Another thing: make two lists. One for good reasons to tell her and good reasons not to tell her. I would guess your good reasons not to tell her is going to be far longer than the one to tell her.

If she asks you someday if you've ever come close to being robbed, answer her by asking her if she has. Get her mind of you and you being robbed.

AllAlongTheWatchtower

Thanks ladies, you've basically confimed my thoughts on the matter. I guess that was all I really was after, validation or whatever you want to call it.

For the record, of course nobody is going to think to ask 'were you almost robbed tonight?', what I was feeling might be dishonest was that I got home a bit late, after talking to the police extensively; giving what description I could, relating the incident, etc. So I just said something about work taking longer than usual when she asked why I hadn't gotten home on time. True...to a point.

FlyingHighNow

Is there a danger the police will call and her take the call or someone you work with mentioning it to her?

quietlyleaving

For the record, of course nobody is going to think to ask 'were you almost robbed tonight?', what I was feeling might be dishonest was that I got home a bit late, after talking to the police extensively; giving what description I could, relating the incident, etc. So I just said something about work taking longer than usual when she asked why I hadn't gotten home on time. True...to a point.

you must have had to call on all your acting skills there. Fortunately for you your wife is a little distracted at the moment.

kwr

http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/s/139/139613_women_lie_cheat_and_steal.html?ref=emtaf&archive=archive

misanthropic

I wouldn't call you not telling her about that (at a time like this) lying. In fact I think it's commendable that you would think of her at a time when I'm sure you came home all freaked out, probably feeling like you needed to talk about it. Now had you done something wrong and withheld the information, that's a whole different thing. I wouldn't worry about it and I'm sure she would appreciate that you were looking out for her stress levels considering all she's just been through herself.

RAF

Is it ok to lie, or lie by omission of information, to your wife, if the motive is saving them stress or grief?
it's cute in fact (if any day later she knows about it and don't see why she would be mad at you if she is, you can still say that since nothing really bad happened there was no reason to talk about it knowing it would stress her and that this story only called you to pay more attention ... (whatever is true and beneficial about it).

Also I don't any see real interest of the truth for not lying when it does not help somedody to make the right decision for him/herself (that's when I guess the other one really deserves the truth, instead of a lie).

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