HELP-tempted beyond my willpower

Pierced Angel

HELP!

Someone tell me quick how wrong and stupid I am to even think about cheating on my husband.

I've met someone that has swept me off my feet and with my newfound freedom from leaving the borg, I feel like I'm going through a mid-life crisis or something. I'm very tempted to have an affair. I mean, extremely tempted. Anyone else ever cheated that can throw some cold water on me? I'm thinking maybe I'm feeling this way too because I've lost so many friends and I'm feeling lonely and blue so much of the time and Wham, a guy who makes me feel sexy, beautiful and young. Why is life always throwing challenges at us? Why can't my husband be more like this guy? AAAAAHHHHHH

< please, cold water, something!

Christina77

Well I have never cheated on anyone, nor will I ever. I have thought about it but only momentarily, but couldn't live with myself if I ever did. I would break off my relationship with whoever I am with prior to my infidelity, if it came down to me cheating on them. While I was pregnant with my daughter, my ex asked me if he could have permission to sleep with someone esle, because he was afraid of hurting me. I wanted to be intimate with him and that really hurt that he wouldn't touch me. Him just wanting to be selfish was horrible, and made me a nutcase. Nine months after I had my daughter, I found out that he was sleeping with his ex-girlfriend behind my back during my pregnancy and continued to do so. He risked giving me a STD, for his ex-girlfriend bragged that she had slept with 16 guys during her first month away at college. I only found about his cheating after one of his friends sexually assaulted me and he didn't care when I told him. And then to top it off, I had a miscarriage 2 weeks later. I can never trust this man with anything not now, or ever. His only reply is that I f..... up by cheating on you, he never told me that he was sorry. If I ever cheated on someone I could never live with myself. My conscience would take over my every action and always in my thought as to how I acted. I would never even be able to look at my significant other in the face again. I could't let anyone feel the same way that I did. No matter how bad the situation is, cheating doesn't make it better, only worse. No matter how happy this man makes you, it won't last. There was a reason why you married your husband, there had to be some happiness at some point. Try and find it again if you can, or leave him. You will be better off in the long run. If you cheat on him you will be the bad one. Don't let that happen.

Prisca

Hi PA,

Try to think how much you will hurt your husband if you do this. Has he done anything t justify your cheating on him? I'm sure the answer to this is NO. His trust in you will be ruined if you do this. Please don't do it. I had a partner that cheated on me. It hurt me deeply, and even though we tried to reconcile, the trust just wasn't there any more. There is always the thought, if they did it once, they could do it again. Is that what you want your husband to have in the back of his mind? I can tell you, it's not a nice feeling.

I am glad that you are obviously having second thoughts about it, as evidenced by the fact that you posted this thread. You know it is wrong, otherwise you wouldn't be asking for help.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T CHEAT ON YOUR HUSBAND

A few moments of pleasure isn't worth the broken trust.

Pierced Angel

Christina,

I'm sorry. I don't mean to bring back such bad feelings for you. Just reading about it makes me feel horrible. I don't want to be the one to cause that kind of heartache. Actually, my husband is so happy that I'm away from the witnesses that he's been nicer to me. It used to be he'd be at the bar when I would drag the kids to the meetings and there's still a lot of resentment. I know that he wasn't as happy as he is now and yet, I feel like I missed out and am not totally thrilled to know that I wasted time trying to be the "good" wife while he did what he wanted while I had the kids all the time!

I'm taking a few days to go on a writing job so maybe I can take some time to think about what I'm doing before I make any mistakes. I know in my heart that it's not right to do. And, I do know that this other guy and I don't have any chance for a real relationship. It's just so nice to be treated like I'm special. Like I'm more than just furniture, you know?

I remember when my dad cheated onmy mom and I never would have thought I could do something like that to someone I love. I guess it's something that sort of sneaks up on you.
Thank you for telling me what you did, it helped. I can't say for sure what I'll do, but I'm going to try and avoid being alone with the other guy.

Thanks,

Anne

Christina77

Anne-

Don't feel bad about my feelings... this happened 6 years ago, and I am over it, able to discuss it, and a stronger woman because of it.

Your husband is happy that you are away from the witnesses, well you have something to work with. Use that happieness to survive, and improve your relationship. Find where the sparks are still glowing and bring them into a blazing fire. The worst thing for you kids is seeing a horrible relationship between their parents. And as I said, you found that love once, you can find it again. Find things to do as a family, something that is fun that can take your mind off of what you are trying to deal with.

I am glad that I could help.
Christina

SixofNine

If you just follow your feelings, you are likely to really f-up.

Intellectualize this problem. 'Cuz your heart is probably not going to give you a break. Or at least listen to the part of your heart (and I am sure that if you let it speak, it is a large part), that does not want to hurt your spouse, your kids, and just importantly, yourself.

Hard cold reality, guys who want you, will do what they can to make you feel wanted. No mystery there. Perhaps the question is, what part of you do they want, and why. Likely no mystery there either. The hard part is that it is all so completely natural.

I don't envy your situation. I know just how incredibly hard it is.

joelbear

Well,

Mitch and I have an open relationship so cheating is not an issue.

However, I have gotten deeply attached to a few others during our 13 years together and whenever I think of leaving I think of all the things I love about Mitch and how hard those would be to replace.

take care

Joel

Pierced Angel

Thank you for the good advice and reminders everyone. Fortunately I have to go out of town for a couple days on business so I'll be far away from temptation temporarily.
But, it's so hard.
He's a retired professional soccer player, who reads poetry, listens to classical music and who likes to sit at the coffee shop talking about god, life, etc. OH MAN, great bod and a mind! And romantic, damn! It's going to be difficult, that's all I can say, but I really just like the attention, I don't want to do anything to ruin my marriage. My marriage used to be quite bad, but now that I'm out of the cult mindset it's been better than ever. So you'd think it would be easy for me to avoid another man. Where was this guy when my husband was staying out all hours on meeting nights? IT's not fair, you know. I'm mad at this situation because I hate to lose control over my life. My business is soaring, life's going great and now all I can do is think about seeing this guy. I hate this rollercoaster.

Thanks for the encouragement. I have a couple days to really think this over, that should help too.

LittleToe

I guess you'll be reading this on your return.
Just got to add to the volume of the response you got...

Don't do it PA!!!

If you don't screw it up for yourself and your hubby physically, the emotional and psychological damage will still remain and you will hurt for a looong time. I've seen it far too often.
Sounds as if life has taken a turn for the best with you pair.
Keep it growing...and growing...and growing...

No matter how romantic a guy is, he still growls and f*rts from time to time (sorry Prisca, it's true ).
Try to transfer the existing emotions onto your hubby. He'll love you for it!
Oh, and you might want to look for another coffee shop, while you're at it.

Just 2p, from another hopeless romantic.

LT

TR

Hi PA,

I kind of know how you feel. I'm going through a "thinking about cheating phase". I love my wife dearly, but she's never been big on intimacy, if you know what I mean. She's always been this way, but I went ahead and married her.

I even thought about this when I was a JW. I thought it would get better once I lost the cult, but nothing changed. My wife is a Catholic, never was a JW. I lied about our great sex relationship on another thread a while back, but I'm just fooling myself. Our sex relationship sucks. She's just not a very sexual person I guess. We've talked about it, but nothing changes. I try to be romantic, I do special things for my wife, just because I want to, not because I'm looking for 'repayment', I just do those things.

So, just trying to let you know I have similar feelings. I just don't want to lose everything I have over it. I do work for several very attractive women that seem to be a bit flirtatious, but I just ignore it. It's harder than hell though! At one office, thewoman in charge said, "Don't worry, TR, I told all the women in the office that you're married. You're safe!" DAMN!

TR

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
—Edmund Burke

HELP-tempted beyond my willpower

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