by mtsgrad 13 Replies latest jw friends
I was born in the "truth" and reached the dizzy heights of becoming a servant and that attended the Ministerial School. In the last three years I emotionallly left the "truth" and stopped attending last year. However, I am still very confused theologically. I was wondering what stage of recovery fellow forum followers (fff) were at?
On scale of 10 fully recovered to 0 completely confused. I am at about 3.
What stage are you at now?
10 fully recovered to 0 completely confused
I'm at 7 I guess.
I'm at DEFCON 3
kidding
I would say I'm right in the middle, got rid of religion, don't know if God is there or not, I'm at the learning stage....and not throwing any theories out of the window....5 out of 10 perhaps.
I would have to say that I'm at an 8.
I've been out of The Org. for about 20 years now, but I still can't say that I'm fully recovered.
TCK
Some days I'm a 2 because it all hits me especially realizing the only family I have is my kids. Other days when I'm stronger, I am about a 4.
Today I have been overwhelmed with day to day living because I've been getting collection callers demanding some kind of payment. I'll explain my situation and then they will say "can you ask for friends or family to help out?" My response to them is..."I don't have friends or family". Then I have to explain to them I'm being currently shunned by my family and friends. I then tell them I came out of the JW religion and they didn't like that...they respond with "ooooooh, I see". Then they wish me good luck. lol
Last week when I went to get a different car, I had to put on the application 6 friends and 6 families with addresses/phone numbers/place of employment...guess what...I could only come up with my ex, my ex-inlaws as the names...the rest of my friends and families are people I met online and I have no clue what their addresses or place of work is. The dealer looked at me so strange.
After everything calms down and I take my son to baseball or we do something "forbidden" by the JW's (such as giving them a birthday) I feel like a 4.
Losing my family has been pretty hard on me, having children and not being able to share the joys of motherhood with your own mother - it's heartbreaking.
Over all I am a good solid 6. Some days are worse and some days are better. I just try and control the depression, my body takes a beating because of it.
Well....a 10....first time in my life I have been that!
As far as "stages," in looks, larva. I will "butterfly," later!
Hang tough....pm if you want.
V
Hi mtsgrad,
I don't think any ex-JW can claim a "10" because there are levels of emotional damage and fear that reason and logic can never fully reach. I'd claim myself to be a "9" now because I feel NO confusion on any rational level. Keep in mind I said, "any rational level". Reason, logic, and years of information gathering erases Watch Tower nonsense from the higher brain functions but little bits of the lower brain's emotional/irrational beastial subconscience remain ready to give me nightmares or a chill up my spine when conditions are just right. I don't mind too much because I know now it is not real... but it is there waiting for the death of my rational mind.
If you feel you are a "3" then I highly suggest some real study to free yourself from superstition. Do yourself a big favor and start by reading Raymond Franz's books Crisis Of Conscience and In Search Of Christian Freedom if you haven't already. Next, try researching the history of the Watch Tower Society using non-WTS literature to expand your objectivity. Also read the works/research of ex-JWs and learn of their doubts and how they answered them. Next, try reading the Bible (not the New World Translation) without the Watch Tower's preconcieved notions and interpretations to guide you. Read it as just another book you are reading for the first time and let it say simply what it says. You will be amazed at what you will see without all the fancy commentary running in your head.
At that point I would take some Bible classes at a community college or a University so that you can see the so called "worldly" or secular viewpoint to ballance out your objectivity and reawaken your skeptical powers. Think freely and be free. Take some history and science classes. Read all of Carl Sagan's books, especially if you can't go to college. Objective study will clear your confusion like hot sun light through a fog. It will take time though, I have not been to a Kingdom Hall for more than 20 years
My Best Wishes on your own search for truth
What Liberty says echoes my thoughts exactly.
6
I'm happy and everything seems to be going great. I just have days when I think too much about the past and end up forgetting how great I have it today.
