I ponder on time with friends..

by Sparkplug 21 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Sparkplug

  The older I get the more I have to evaluate myself. I have noted a loyalty to a fault with friends. I truly have thought on that. To a fault. That is not a good thing and just because there is time invested, there is no reason to feel that one must continue friendships. Especially if they are detrimental. I as of late firmly have decided that it is time to do as I have with JW's. time is not always a deciding factor.

  In fact, it is quite a stupid reason to hang on. There are things we know of people and let it slide. Till it hits us in the head. Today I think I am starting a new pattern and it will not hold so tightly to things because of time invested.

  What do you think? Ever find yourself in a one sided friendship? Or friends with someone you really don't admire. In fact...perhaps despise what they are about? If you met them on the street now, you would not have any desire to know them....You know?

  I have lost a few friends as of late...but I think upon concidering again my situation...I never really had them.
• 

  Mrs Smith

  Hi Sparkplug

  I have just read your story and really enjoyed your style of writting.

  I also have had friendships in the past that were very lobsided. I was doing all the giving and they were doing all the taking. Now I choose to be with people that are more willing to work at a relationship with me and people that not only lean on me but in hard times I can lean on them too. I have also grown so much as a person that some of my friends of 10 years ago would not really apeal to me now. When all the common factors that brought you together in the first place are no longer there the friendship sometimes dies a natural death.

  Some people come into your life for a specific season of your life and you may really cherish that friendship but when the seaon is over they move on. Not all friendships have to last a life time for them to be real.
• 

  Sparkplug

  Rs. Smith, I think you got exactly what I am meaning. Exactly. Thanks for reading my story also.

  I like this"Not all friendships have to last a life time for them to be real. "
• 

  bigmouth

  "When all the common factors that brought you together in the first place are no longer there the friendship sometimes dies a natural death. "
  
  I was just considering this yesterday with my 15YO son. I was asking him if he spent time with his friend Ben at school now that he'd shifted house. 'No, I don't see him much' he said. After a couple of years the friendship had just faded away. No problem.
  
  Can marriages just end like that?
• 

  Sparkplug

  Can marriages just end like that?

  I believe they can. I think that is how people can stay friends. It is just having the mindset that you are not going to make something happen that would warrent a break. Maybe just accept that it is at its end and not cause drama to get out. It does not have to be an ugly ending. I think.
• 

  Sparkplug

  I also think that if I don't walk away from these friendships I will fester and pop. I have felt too much hurt and seen too clearly how one sided they are. It is best to let them die if I can and not let them get to the point of drama. Just walk.
• 

  free2think

  I have been thinking along the same lines for a while now. I always used to say, as a dub, the people I am friends with are not people I would neccessarily choose to the friends with but I have to be, and the only thing we have in common is God.

  Now I realize that we don't have to suffer through 'friendships,' if that's what you can call them, we can choose who we want to be around and who we don't. I see a lot of people I used to hang out with and it is such a relief to me to not have to put up with their fake frinedshhip anymore. In the past mos,t if not all, of these friendships have been one-sided with me doing all the work and running and in the end they just weren't there for me when I needed help or support or even just a phone call.

  I am now trying to choose who I will give of myself to instead of blindly accepting every person that comes along as a frined.

  Thanks for starting this thread Decki.
• 

  zagor

  Funny, I've been thinking the same thing today and in last few weeks, but particularly today, even about coming here any more. I think moment in life does come when we simply ought to move on, because staying is reminding us of pain and is detrimental to us in every respect. We have responsibility to ourselves to draw the line because that is also a virtue of a character. Letting things drag does nothing constructive in our life and when you think about it, we have only one left and most of us are already half way through it
  So I agree with you. And besides, that may also help people who are left behind to 'snap out of it' and in future friendships think before they act.
  Life is beautiful and is meant to be lived not to be wasted. You want to have people around you who truly appreciate your presence and would feel great loss emotionally, spiritually and in every other way, should anything happen to you, not because they need you out of selfish desire but because they have allowed their hearts to be seeded with pieces of your soul.
  Anything less than that is not worth mentioning as a "friendship". We all have had hard moments in life, some of us were on brink of loosing it yet are doing our utmost to make people feel good about themselves. , to the point where we may suffer. I will never forget the movie Gone With The Wind where Scarlett O'Hara was always needing encouragement and understanding of others; and people, good people around her have responded abundantly, she was always on a brink of disaster and needing understanding. Funny thing was she outlived them all. I was watching this movie with my flatmates the other day. They've chosen it on purpose to show it to me, to start thinking about my own good and good of those who truly care about me. Which I intend to do from now on.
  So yes, you are one of few special people here I truly appreciate I will probably never have a pleasure of meeting. Unfortunately, that is life. Take care of yourself and your family. I would say God bless if I I believed in one, but all the best in any case :)
• 

  Sparkplug

  I think in one instance my mind really was open to this new idea I see when I had to ask fo borrow something that was unused by the other person for a long time. Just rotting away. At any rate, when I was pretty much made fun of and criticized for "needing" I realized why this person (one of such outgrown friends) never needs. that is because the people around this friend, including myself...do not ever let her get to that position. We see a need, and if this person would loose pride for a moment and let it be seen there is a need...we fix what we can before anyone makes this person get to the point of having to ask.

  It was them I realized...how crazy is this that my friend even thinks of me this way? Why do I carry such a burden? It really drains to have a "so call"friend who constantly thinks the worst, never even blinks or even sees the things you have done to help them. I am tired of it. I don't really want recognition for helping this person....Just perhaps someone who actually sees and appreciates, perhaps loves me as I am.

  Then I have a friend of many years I have had to cut ties with. Life never really lets you know a person...I don't care who they are and sometimes we have to make hard choices. This was one of them.

  I always have said I like to socialize, but I keep the loved...truly loved ones to a minimum and that is because it is better to have one really true friend than a bunch of socializing ones.

  At any rate, it has been a blow because I thought these people were here for life. Part of me says that is sad, part is relieved, and yet another part thinks that have made the right choices. This will be good.
• 

  Sparkplug

  Funny, I've been thinking the same thing today and in last few weeks, but particularly today, even about coming here any more. I think moment in life does come when we simply ought to move on, because staying is reminding us of pain and is detrimental to us in every respect. We have responsibility to ourselves to draw the line because that is also a virtue of a character. Letting things drag does nothing constructive in our life and when you think about it, we have only one left and most of us are already half way through it
  So I agree with you. And besides, that may also help people who are left behind to 'snap out of it' and in future friendships think before they act.
  Life is beautiful and is meant to be lived not to be wasted. You want to have people around you who truly appreciate your presence and would feel great loss emotionally, spiritually and in every other way, should anything happen to you, not because they need you out of selfish desire but because they have allowed their hearts to be seeded with pieces of your soul.
  Anything less than that is not worth mentioning as a "friendship". We all have had hard moments in life, some of us were on brink of loosing it yet are doing our utmost to make people feel good about themselves. , to the point where we may suffer. I will never forget the movie Gone With The Wind where Scarlett O'Hara was always needing encouragement and understanding of others; and people, good people around her have responded abundantly, she was always on a brink of disaster and needing understanding. Funny thing was she outlived them all. I was watching this movie with my flatmates the other day. They've chosen it on purpose to show it to me, to start thinking about my own good and good of those who truly care about me. Which I intend to do from now on.
  So yes, you are one of few special people here I truly appreciate I will probably never have a pleasure of meeting. Unfortunately, that is life. Take care of yourself and your family. I would say God bless if I I believed in one, but all the best in any case :)

  Zagor I posted it all again because so much well thought was written.

  that may also help people who are left behind to 'snap out of it' and in future friendships think before they act.

  The above line really hit me. and this one too...

  You want to have people around you who truly appreciate your presence and would feel great loss emotionally, spiritually and in every other way, should anything happen to you, not because they need you out of selfish desire but because they have allowed their hearts to be seeded with pieces of your soul.

  
  

  and smacked me in the head with this...

  Anything less than that is not worth mentioning as a "friendship".

  This was great too...but never say never..."

  So yes, you are one of few special people here I truly appreciate I will probably never have a pleasure of meeting.

  I still need to travel the world and I am not loosing that goal yet.

  I understanding maybe leaving here if you need to....I hope not, for I really enjoy what you have to say.

  But if you do, go well, and don't be a stranger. Keep writing and sending out your wisdom. I believe you are awake and awake people should share. I hope you do.