You Were My First Love And Youll Be My Last Love ...

The wanderer

You Were My First Love And You’ll Be My Last Love …

Living in Florida has given me the opportunity to see couples who have been
together for decades sometimes dating back to the Second World War.

It has always amazed me how some couples can stay together for 20, 30, 40
years or more while others switch partners every few years or even few months
depending on the person.

The Glue That Holds The Bond Together

Having come from a history of broken homes, I have not seen the “glue”
that holds the bonds of love and matrimony together.

Some individuals on this board come from a family with a solid foundation
in relationship success. Admittedly, I am envious of such relationship success.

Question: What is the “glue” that holds and bonds two individuals for a lifetime of love and success?

Respectfully,

The Wanderer

*Title of the thread inspired by the song Solider Boy sang by The Shirelles in 1962.

Crumpet

I have no idea. I come from a strong parental relationship - they have been together over 30 years.

I am one of those who likes to flit about and my only plan for the future is flit with more regularity than I have done hitherto. But even flutterbys can be caught with the right net - so I'm not saying never. I just dont like to count on "forever" because people change and so do circumstances.

The Humper

well i havent been married for very long but i am 100% sure that me and my wife will grow old together. we both want it so we do our best to make it happen. i think that the glue that holds us together other then deep love for each other is honesty.

if people are honest with each other then they can also be trusted, which is very important in a marriage. and if someone is honest and trustworthy then we as humans tend to open up. once we do that we allow ourselves to become emotionally attached to a person.

it helps when partners also have things in common and are also physically and sexually attracted to the other person. though the more a person opens up the more beautiful they become, so the more a person is attracted to the other. ive been with a few women who by societies standards today would be considered very pretty, but they were so high maintenance and prissy that they became unattractive to me. some guys like those kinds of girls, and i feel sorry for them, its those kinds of girls that are never happy and more likely to cheat on you and just up and leave for someone who has more money, better car, better house, etc.

im glad that i found a pretty girl who is low maintenance. it makes things so much easier for me and for her as well.

The wanderer

Dear Humper:

"if people are honest with each other then they can also be trusted, which is very important in a marriage. and if someone is honest and trustworthy then we as humans tend to open up. once we do that we allow ourselves to become emotionally attached to a person."-The Humper

Tremendous commentary, some of which touched me very deeply.

Thank you very much.

Respectfully,

The Wanderer

knock knock

perhaps those that stick together think in terms of WE and those that keep shuffling around only think of ME?

AlmostAtheist

The trouble with life is, by the time you understand it, it's over. That having been said -- thus establishing that I'm not an expert (hardly qualifying as a novice) -- I'll offer this:

There are those that stay together because it's so much more convenient. You own property together, your retirement money is bound together, your friends you've had for 40 years are as a couple -- the loss to your life would be so great if you split up, it simply couldn't be worth it.

But there are those that are genuinely happy together after decades. I think it's this group you're asking about.

I think it's luck. I don't have much to back that up, so it's only offered as an opinion. Two people get together when they're 20, then they both change into someone else when they're 25. And again at 30, and again, and again. For many if not most, this growth pushes them apart. Maybe not so much so that it warrants going their separate ways, but it's evident (to them) that things have changed for the worse.

But in some rare cases, the partners grow in roughly the same direction. It would seem inevitable that at least some of the time this would happen. If they each experience 10 life-changes, and all of these leave them compatible, then they wind up at the end as a happy, fulfilled couple.

I'm happy for them, but I wouldn't want to wager my life's happiness on getting that lucky myself.

Dave

CyrusThePersian

To go along with Brother Dave's comment...

(How many times have you heard that at the Kingdom Hell?)

I hate to sound cynical, but I think one big reason marriages seemed much more stable in the "good old days" was the social stigma attached to divorce back then. A divorced person was looked down on as a failure. And today, as Dave says, these ones with the thirty and forty year long marriages have so much invested in their relationship that they stay together regardless.

I myself was in a twenty year long marriage. We would have divorced much sooner had their been no repercussions from the brothers at the hall. Bottom line-I don't think our ancestors had any sort of magic elixir that enabled them to find a true and lasting love. I think it was merely a difference in social customs between our time and theirs.If you were able to delve deep into their feelings you would find that they were probably no more successful at finding that special one than today's generation.

Again, I hate sounding so cynical, but I'm an old man and I've earned it!

CyrusThePersian

Mary

There's a variety of reasons why some people stayed married and others divorce: Some people were lucky enough to find their soulmate and couldn't imagine life without the other person. Others drift apart, or realize they were simply mismatched but stay for the sake of the kids if they're young. Others stay for financial reasons. Some wives don't relish the thought of having to go get a full time job and losing possibly the house, security and money, so they stay. Some husbands don't relish the thought of seeing 3/4 of his paycheque go towards spousal and child care costs if he divorces and only maybe seeing his kids on the weekend so he stays. Some stay out of laziness: they're rather be in a miserable marriage perhaps thinking someone is better than no one. From what I've seen, there are few happy marriages, even those who've been together long term.

The 'good old days' of happy marriages is a myth. People didn't divorce nearly as often simply because of the social and religious stigma that went along with it. How many women endured a husband who beat the hell out of her and/or the kids, or was a drunk or a pedophile because that was "her lot in life". How many men endured a nagging, bitching wife who was maybe a rotten person all the way round, because a divorce would cause such a scandal? People divorce more today, not because they're 'not trying hard enough' but for two reasons: Divorce doesn't have the stigma it once did and women are far more educated now and have jobs and careers of their own----they're not necessarily reliant on their husbands for financial support.

Junction-Guy

I can only offer my comparison here. On the JW side of my family divorce was rampant. My parents divorced when I was 6, my grandparents divorced when I was 8. 2 of my JW uncles have divorced, and 2 of my JW cousins have divorced.

On my baptist side of the family, out of everyone in Kentucky that Im related to, there is only one I can think of that divorced, and she got mixed up with the wrong crowd.

It's always a blessing to visit my non-JW relatives and see such happy families, still together after decades.

The Watchtower has broken apart so many marriages in my life, it nearly destroyed our family.

As for the "worldly" crowd, I think TV has done more to influence divorce than anything else..

lonelysheep

I can only go by my maternal grandparents as an answer to the question. They have been married 55 years.

I've realized that years ago, divorce was such a no-no and in most cases, an impossible resolution due to financial reasons and a lack of support from others. I think the real state of their relationship (had it been different from what it is) would have shown through to us grandchildren at some point, two of whom have even lived with them before.

From what I can see today and over the years, they truly are each other's best friend. They genuinely get along, have the same outlook on life and situations within life, and thoroughly discuss situtions in which they do not agree. They've also told me the old saying I thought was just cliche: "Don't go to bed mad at each other!"

You Were My First Love And Youll Be My Last Love ...