What Was Your Mindset Like When You Were Disfellowshiped?

by The wanderer 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  The wanderer

  What Was Your Mindset Like When You Were Disfellowshiped?

  Recalling the day, I wrote the Watchtower Society to tell them that they were disfellowshiped
  as an organization for conduct unbecoming a Christian organization was one of mixed feelings
  and emotions.
  
  It was a sad heart wrenching reality that fourteen years of my life in this organization had finally
  seen its closure.

  Can You Describe What Your Mindset Was Like?

  Can you recall the feelings of being disfellowshiped and describe what that must have been like?
  Did it lead to a black depression, suicidal thoughts and tendencies or were you happy about it?
  
  In addition, if you were not disfellowshiped and officially disassociated from the congregation
  can you describe your feelings both before and after the fact.

  Respectfully,

  The Wanderer
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  dedpoet

  When I disassociated by letter almost 2 years ago, I had no regrets whatsoever.
  I didn't believe in any of the doctrines anyway, having done my own very thorough
  research several years earlier in 1999, which was the last year I attended any meetings.
  
  I finally decided to da in 2005 after a couple of elders dropped in on me to see if I wanted
  to return. I gave them short shrift, and they went away mumbling something about a jc,
  so I saved them the trouble. I didn't want any more visits anyway.
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  bluesbreaker59

  Relief of not having to go to meetings, assemblies, service, etc. Relief from not having to listen to old men tell me how to live, and lay burdensome instructions and rules on me constantly and AT THEIR WHIM!!! The ONLY thing that I miss, and I mean THE ONLY THING is association with my father. I love my dad more than anything else in life, and he was a great father to me all my life, and told him no matter what, not to blame himself, and that I'd always love him. He said that he wasn't even upset with me, and that he'd always love me too, but being an elder, he just couldn't talk to me anymore.

  I know the rules, and I don't make it hard on my family, I avoid them, don't call them or contact them, I bottle up those emotions, so they only hurt me, and busy myself with my friends, and "worldly" pursuits. Its really nice just living life for me, FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE!!!
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  The wanderer

  Dear Blues:
  
  That is a tough situation to handle. I give
  you credit for going through it.
  
  I wonder if anyone else can relate to you?
  
  Respectfully,
  
  The Wanderer
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  bluesbreaker59

  Well I've only OFFICIALLY been out since mid March. But I didn't go to a single meeting in 2007. I avoided it, because of the other crap that I've went through. And now when people ask me to "go to church with them", I calmly reply, I've done enough 'churchin' for 3 people's entire lives. I have ZERO desire to step foot inside ANY church again.

  Somedays, I don't even believe in god, I just think we're all here to live it up, and benefit ourselves as much as we can while we're here, and nothing more. Sad, but true. Other days I believe, but don't believe witness practices of god. Its a very tough thing, leaving mind control like that behind.
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  Tyrone van leyen

  My situation may be a little differnet than others. Because of the embarassing nature of my case, I was trying to fade literally by disappearing. It was a witness girl that I confided in who ratted me out. The most amazing thing is she had already slept with several people but was a consummate liar. Also she was related to an elder in the cong who was part of my judicial committee. She got away with bloody murder along with several others I knew of. I was the scape goat of the century. I couldn't take the pressure of being seated at the back by myself and being sneared at and ignored like I didn't exist by everyone I grew up with. It was my father who begged and pleaded to me to face the committe. I did it for him. If I had lied I would be a free man today. Or if I had ignored my fathers request. The committe was absolutly hell bent on busting my balls. Lieing is how she survived all those years. The elders needed a scape goat cuz there own kids were partying like animals. They needed someone to point the finger at and we had the perfect cooperating naive family to do that. They pretty much took about 5 minutes. They asked me to leave the room so they could pray for an answer from Jehovah. When they came out they pretty much said bye bye. My state of mind I was, I was still a beleiver and my structure was destroyed. My own brother slammed the door in my face and locked it. I just couldn't take it anymore. I left home not knowing about nutrition and ate at Mc Donalds till my face turned green. I was too depressed to work, had no freinds, didn't know about welfare and slept in my air tight Lincoln Continental. I can remember actually feeling a numbness in my whole body and my mind was incapable of any significant thought. I think that is called post traumatic stress.

  Anyhow, I met a back fellow I used to work with in a factory and his family you might say adopted me in the very rough Southvale project. They protected me cuz they knew dam well I was a very nice guy. I will never forget them for that.

  We eventually parted ways but things got worse for me. I was never the same again in terms of being able to smile and feel accepted. A few years later I tried going back and they shunned me again. Thats when I swore never ever again to be a witness and my hate for them grew as I watched them get to live there lives with impunity. A freind of mine the same age had been accepted as an international model in Toronto and they ruined his career to. I honestly don't know to this day what he did wrong but they sat him at the back of the kingdom hall for, get this, 15 YEARS! This was there new scapegoat and they got lots of mileage off his ass. I'm so glad now I gave them the finger but the damage they caused in my life has been prolific and coloured every aspect of my existence. I have survived everything they threw at me. It didn't work! Now they will have to deal with me as they age and I get stronger and angrier. They took from me things I didn't even knew I had. They will pay one way or another.
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  greendawn

  When I wrote my letter of disassociation I was pleased that I got rid of a burden and that I wouldn't have any connection with this organisation. There was no internet at the time and some lingering doubts were cleared up when it did come out and I checked the issues I wasn't 100% sure about, back in the 1980's.

  There was no point in me associating with an organisation that was doing so many things wrong such as having a dictatorial leadership and denying blood in emergencies.
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  Numinous

  I really believed that this god Jehovah rejected me. I felt it was blasphemous to feel that I had more love for humanity than he did, but that is the actual truth behind why I left. The sickening loneliness...like out of all the people on earth who have ever lived, everybody has a chance at life except for me. This was so very profound in it's sadness for me because I loved me. How could it be that I, a creation of this god, could have a greater capacity for love than the god who made me? These, ironically, were the very words I used to help my elder husband who never got reproved or DFed because he just moved out of the situation. I told him that if I could still love him, surely god could. My heart went out for someone in pain for what they were going through emotionally. Why couldn't god have any understanding? Looking back, I did absolutely nothing wrong. I had a friend who was a man and this was 2 1/2 years after my divorce. My Dfing was on a principle of the one flesh even though I never, nor did they ask, had sex with this man... I must say though, that one of the reasons I come here is for that comraderie of fellow feeling that only someone else in this position of profound, unbearable numbness can understand. Today I am very well adjusted, truly happy and want very much to help other people in some way.
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  Blueblades

  The following is a true account of a sorrowful letter to the body of elders on the judicial commitee of ( congregation must remain nameless to protect the individual who wrote the letter )So, I am calling it ,The Judicial Commitee of the unforgiven elders. Dear Brothers, This letter is to inform you of my decision to appeal your decision to disfellowship me.My reasons for requesting this appeal are the following: As you are aware,Bro.? and Bro.?,in our phone conversation with the two of you,I had express my heartfelt sorrow for what I had done,both to Jehovah God and then to you two Bro's.before a hearing was even scheduled.And I informed you that I could not meet with you at this time.Not that I refused to meet with you ,only that I was unable to meet with you face to face and I would call you when I could meet with you. And then a third brother left me a message that you would meet and go ahead with the judicial hearing without me being present.When I already let it be known that I could not meet with you at this time.I never said that I refuse to meet with you.Only that I was unable to meet with you now. A couple of reasons for my not being able to meet with you brothers was that I was and am still very ashamed to face you brothers and could not speak to you brothers at this time.However,I did say that I would meet with you later and I would call you back.Also,I was out of state that weekend when you decided to go ahead with the judicial commitee without me. When my parents told me about your decision to disfellowship me,I asked them on what was your decision based.They told me they did not know,as you said it was confidential and I did not meet with you. Bro.? and Bro.? Didn't I express my heartfelt sorrow and regret for what I had done,to Jehovah and you brother's in our phone conversations?And how I went to my parents and expressed my sorrow to them,for hurting them also?And didn't my father tell you this in his phone conversation with you?And didn't I also inform you of my desire to seek help from you brothers,that I might have been weak in? Having expressed my sorrow and regret,and desire for help,I would like to know what evidence and testimony you considered to conclusively decide that I am an unrepentant practicer of sin.Brother's,do you really and truly believe that I am a wicked person deserving of this judgement?Therefore I am requesting an appeal hearing. Sincerely, In case you bethel elders are lurking on this forum,be aware,that the individual who wrote this heartfelt letter is unaware that I posted it for all the world to read.More will follow in this matter. Blueblades,

  IP: LZMleOAe5DY5Qare
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  Blueblades

  Go to the best of the best series by Lee. Judicial Committee section. To the unforgiven elders post for the rest of the details

  Blueblades