I can't talk to my parents.....

by Adolfius 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • Adolfius
    Adolfius

    As you can see from my posts I'm new here. I was born and raised in the borg....dad was/is an elder. I never liked the religion simply because it stopped me having fun like other "normal" kids. As soon as I reached my late teens I just left. I was never baptised so no DFing or DA. I just kind of dissapeared from it all.

    For the last 12 years I haven't really given it a second thought. I just always viewed it as another silly religion that didn't do any harm, they were basically just nice people with silly ideas. Since leaving I've had a great life, and being an ex-JW has had no real impact on my life. Obviously still see my parents a few times a year but the religion is never discussed.

    However, I've recently been looking at sites like this one and a few others, and I'm starting to learn things that I never even thought of before. Specifically I've been looking at all the doctrinal changes (new light), and policies they have that are not only absurd but disgraceful. I'm finding myself getting more and more angry that my parents are so taken in by a devious and deceptive group of old men in NY. They are blatantly being lied to and psychologically controlled.

    The final straw for me was the threads I was reading this morning about the rape policies in the "best of" section. That is so grotesque I can't believe any normal or decent human being would think that is anything but appalling. How can anyone sit in the kingdom hall when these policies are being read out and not stand up and say "No Way". To sit there and accept that your wife and daughter should be DF'd because she was raped beggars belief. How can the woman be in the wrong.

    When I was in Iraq, having just "liberated" a small town, we took over the duty of control, law and order, an angry mob came up to my checkpoint. It was a family bringing their daughter who had just been raped by the uncle (the uncle was also brought along). The family was obviously angry and wanted justice. As a small group of male soldiers, our first thought was to wach that the family didn't suddenly turn around and lynch and kill the uncle....which seemed to us the most likely outcome of this situation. However, right before our eyes, the father pulled out a knife and cut the throat of his own daughter, nearly decapitating her. He said she had brought shame on his family.............the uncle faced no retribution from his relatives. Everyone of us who watched that has been unable to comprehend how a father could think that and do what he did. I justified it in my head that those people are less than animals and evil in the extreme.

    Then I saw this morning that my own parents hold exactly the same belief. So now far from thinking this is querky little religion that can be laughed at and provide amusement for the rest of us, I now see it as completely evil.

    As a result of this I don't really want anything to do with my parents. If they are that evil, just because they are my own flesh and blood,it doesn't mean I shoould make an exception for them.

    Out of principle and true morals which I think I have, I would never talk or associate with a peadophile, so out of the same principles I can't really talk to people who think a young woman should be "cast out" for "willingly" (on the count that she was terrified for her life and didn't scream) being raped.

    My first thought is I'm going to tell my parents how evil their masters are and give them the chance to open their eyes and leave. Failing that I think I'm going to have to just cut myself off from ever having anything to do with them.

    I'd like some feed back on this and any advice would be great. Appreciate it.

    Thanks - Adolfius

  • dedpoet
    dedpoet

    Hi Adolfius

    It is a shock finding out just how evei and deceitful the watchtower is, and
    then considering that your parents actually believe in and support this evil,
    and I can understand how you are feeling right now.

    However, don't blame your parents - they are captives of the concept that
    the watchtower is the only true religion, and are taught to believe that the
    organisation is everything, and must be held above all other things. Most
    jws aren't fully aware of the true nature of the org until they leave. They
    are most likely unaware of the recent child abuse lawsuits, for example,
    and if they do hear about them, they will be told that what has happened
    is due to persecution, and they'll accept that.

    While we can look at the doctrines of the watchtower objectively, they
    cannot. We can question things with no fear of retribution, they would
    not dare do so, as they would be punished. As for the rape rule, I guess
    until a family has had such a ruling imposed on themselves or their child,
    they mosy likely wouldn't be fully aware of its implications.

    I would advise you not to ostracise your parents - you may be their only hope
    of ever escaping the watchtower. Maybe you could instigate a conversation with
    them which might make them think. If you do choose to avoid them, telling them
    why might have impact as well.

    Whatever you do, good luck.

    dedpoet

  • truthsearcher
    truthsearcher

    Hi Adophius and welcome to JWD

    Your experience in Iraq was horrific!

    Then I saw this morning that my own parents hold exactly the same belief. So now far from thinking this is querky little religion that can be laughed at and provide amusement for the rest of us, I now see it as completely evil. As a result of this I don't really want anything to do with my parents. If they are that evil, just because they are my own flesh and blood,it doesn't mean I shoould make an exception for them.

    If you really want to help your parents to see that they are under the mind control of an evil cult, you might want to consider taking your time and planting seeds, rather than cutting them off. Where else do you think they will be exposed to the type of information and questions that you could ask? Certainly not in the KH!

    Just a thought, no doubt others better than I will have other ideas for you.

  • UnConfused
    UnConfused

    Adolf - I'm still in shock of what you described seeing in Iraq. Still in shock. How can a man get over seeing that?

  • bluebell
    bluebell

    Maybe describe what you saw in Iraq to them - get their response - and then show them what they believe...?

    Did you also know that if a child says s/he was sexually abused by someone in the congregation but the person denies it and there is no witness (we all know that a molester likes people to watch) then they take no action?

  • Adolfius
    Adolfius

    Thanks for the advice everyone. My trouble is I'm not a patient person so I want to open my parents eyes to this NOW! I've been thinking of a way to kind of "reveal" the truth to them, and I was favouring the route of holes in their doctrine such as the flood etc, but after what I read this morning about the rape policy I just think pointing out the complete evil of this to them will be my best bet.

    Obviouly most of the witnesses aren't evil and may not go along with the policy if it ever happened to their family, but the point is they're prepared to just bury their head in the sand and pretend this sort of "law" doesn't exist, and hope the issue never arises. Surely if they stop and think about such a rule, any decent person would think it unacceptable and maybe start questioning what kind of organisation would promote it.

    I wouldn't just ignore my parents without explanation, but how do I appraoch the subject without just losing my temper about the whole thing?

  • bluebell
    bluebell

    I don't know about trying to discuss something without losing your temper. but I can't ever argue my side of an argument that I feel strongly about without crying which amounts to the same kind of thing - detracting from your well made points.

    Maybe if you tried to discuss it while out somewhere like a restaurant? Somewhere where you are likely to maintain an expected standard of behaviour? I prefer to go to a pub and sit in a corner to discuss things that may become emotionally charged because it forces me to keep control.

    Also make sure that you know exactly what points you want to make before going, makes you sound more rational.

  • jgnat
    jgnat
    My trouble is I'm not a patient person so I want to open my parents eyes to this NOW!

    In your experience, how much success have you had in changing people around NOW? How long did it take you to come to a full realization of the Watchtower's problems? If you can't change overnight, others can't either.

    I think you are going to have to come to another conclusion regarding that family in Iraq. The horrible reality is that they are fully human, which in turn condemns all of humanity. It is true, we all have the seeds for the same extreme behavior in all of us. The parents must have been fully convinced that their daughter was irredemably damaged by the rape. Similarly, many cruelties happen in other beliefs, including the Watchtower's, if people are sufficiently convinced. What could turn such a culture, such beliefs around? Perhaps the Muslim women will do it for themselves. http://www.learningpartnership.org/news/enews/2003/iss2/voices I think sometimes a little child, pointing out the nakedness of the King, can wake people up to their own absurdity. Perhaps it will have to happen one family at a time.

    If you saw a toddler wobbling along the edge of a high cliff, would you lunge towards her to save her from falling? Would you yell and startle her? Or rather, would you quietly come alongside and coax her away? The danger is real, but startling your parents with your new-found knowledge will not get you what you want.

    I suggest rather that you vent in places like this, and plan your disclosure slowly, giving your parents time to absorb the full implications.

  • Who are you?
    Who are you?

    I wouldn't just ignore my parents without explanation, but how do I appraoch the subject without just losing my temper about the whole thing?

    Writing is excellent therapy. It helps to organize thoughts and provides a way to revise until it actually reads the way you want it to. My interaction with my JW MIL and JW sister via letters has been met with suprising results. Face to face I have little patience and get pissed off the second the JW pat answers get tossed about. The others will give you better advice than I, but I know writing will help. Whether you send it is another thing entirely.

  • Adolfius
    Adolfius
    If you saw a toddler wobbling along the edge of a high cliff, would you lunge towards her to save her from falling? Would you yell and startle her? Or rather, would you quietly come alongside and coax her away? The danger is real, but startling your parents with your new-found knowledge will not get you what you want.

    What an excellent illustration, thanks jgnat, I'll remember that one. I know I can be a bit hasty which is why I posted this thread...slow me down a bit.

    I think I'm probably more aware than a lot of people to the fact that all humans are capable of some pretty horific things under certain circumstances, but what infuriates me is the comlpetely sober and rational thought that the witnesses give this sort of policy. It flies in the face of all your natural instincts. It's natural to instinctively protect and care for ones immediate family, but the brainwashing dictatorship of the WTS has made otherwise decent people deny their natural feelings and go along with a rule that means not just NOT protecting your family, but actually punishing them even more. How does that work?

    My parents are ageing and not in great health. I'm worried that if I don't say something pretty soon, they will die in the org, have some a**hole elder conduct a witness funeral and no doubt have their will written in a way that benefits the org, and I'll be bitter in the extreme.

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